How Children Help You Become More Nonjudgmental, Accepting, Patient and Humble
Before I became a mother, I did not believe that children as young as one day olds could teach you so many profound lessons about life in general. I did find them adorable and loveable but I never thought they had within their tiny bodies the power to change you and make you a better person. I just viewed them as tiny humans who knew how to coo, cry, smile, drink, eat and poop a lot. However, it was only after I held my tiny cub in my arms that I realized children had so much to offer to us and the world, and can really help you become a much better person but that too, only if you wish to extract positive lessons from that experience.
credits
I was quite a judgmental, impatient and not-so-accepting person about 9 years back. Meeting my husband changed me a lot and helped me become quite nonjudgmental but it was my son’s birth and the experiences I had with him and are now having with him with each passing day that are really bringing a huge and positive improvement in my emotions, thoughts, attitude and behavior.
Some of you may judge me for saying this but before I became a mother, I had set certain standards of cuteness. I did not find every child I came across beautiful and used to hold or show my affection on only those that fulfilled the criteria I had set for an adorable child. So yeah, I was quite judgmental and honestly, writing about this right now is quite embarrassing but I feel it is good to be open about my experiences so I can help others improve and also reflect on the positive changes I have brought in my personality.
Coming back to the topic, I was quite judgmental when it came to appreciating and showing affection to babies and people in general, and had some comment to make about someone’s facial expressions almost always. This changed instantly when I had my baby. To me, he was the most beautiful child in the world. He was my tiny bundle of joy and the light of my life- something I call him repeatedly nowadays so he knows how he lit my world and how he continues to end the darkness within and around me with his beautiful light. However, when I analyzed him from the viewpoint of a third person and using my judgmental lens that I wore previously, I did not find him too attractive. His eyes were big and beautiful but the rest of his features were simple. His complexion was slightly tan and a tan complexion is definitely not a sign of beauty where I live. I don’t believe in that but people here do. But did I think he was not beautiful? Of course, not! I was all praises for him and could speak for hours on how amazing every tiny feature and part of his body was.
At that very point I realized that every person in this world is beautiful and special. He may not appear very attractive to you but there are people in the world who love that person and are nothing but all praises for him. It was then that I stopped labelling people as ugly or not-so-beautiful based on their features. Who was I to judge anyone? What gave me the authority to put a label on someone? It was my son who taught me to let go of my judgments and accept everything and everyone. Each one of us is beautiful and special in our own amazing ways and we need to acknowledge that.
I wasn’t just judgmental when it came to beauty but I was also judgmental to the parenting approaches used by parents and the way their children reacted to different situations. If I saw a 3 year crying and demanding for a treat, the first thought that I used to think back then was ‘His parents aren’t doing a good job parenting him/ her’ or ‘They really need to teach him/ her to calm down.’ What I completely used to ignore in all those instances was that it was just a little toddler throwing a tantrum. He does not know how to express himself in the most pleasant and decent manner. This is his way of dealing with his frustrations and his way of expressing his disagreement. He is just 3 and it is okay if he is behaving like that.
I then remembered a few adults I had seen behave in the most unacceptable way with their elders and parents when things did not go their way. Their behavior was arguably one of the worst displays of behavior ever. I won’t lie but I wasn’t a very obedient and well-behaved kid when I was an adolescent. I loved my mother and was really nice to her but when things did not go my way, I was quite difficult to handle. So when I felt at that time that I had the right to behave that way, I was in no position to judge a 3 year old or his parents.
However, I did not understand this till my son turned 2. He used to throw tantrums almost always and did not accept things easily and this went on till he was 3. If I wanted him to dress up, he wouldn’t do it without crying for an hour at least. If I asked him to eat his food, he would make sure to throw quite a tantrum first. when my son started behaving this way, I did quite a lot of research on the issue and found out that terrible two’s as the experts call this stage in toddlers is not an easy phase for them. They are beginning to understand things and throwing tantrums or crying out loud is mostly their way of expressing their frustrations. We are not easy on them either. When they touch something, we tell them not to. However, we forget that we told them not to touch things when they don’t touch their food and feel the child is being fussy about eating.
So it is usually the way we handle them that makes them feel frustrated and throw tantrums and we are in no place to judge them. Since that time, I have stopped judging parents at all and when I see a child in a public place going through a hard time, I usually approach the mother and tell her it is going to be fine.
When I stopped being judgmental because of my son, I started to nurture more patience and humbleness too.When my son was going through one of his tantrums, I watched him patiently. Of course, I used to talk to him and help him understand things but I did not force him to accept it quickly. He used to take his time to understand things and throughout the time that he threw a tantrum and jumped up and down, I used to wait patiently for him to calm down. Was it or is it easy? Not at all but it is definitely doable and helping me become better. I have now become more patient in almost all areas of my life and in other relationships too.
Moreover, I became more aware of my blessings and started cultivating a thankful state of mind. Whenever I was going through a hard time with my son, I used to think of all the reasons why I love him and how he has made my life happier and that helped me nurture gratitude. Gratitude breeds humility so as I became more thankful, I became more content with my life too. Honestly, I have come quite far and feel nothing but happy and proud of myself. My son is amazing and I will forever be indebted to him for making me a better person. Love you Faateh!
Thank you for going through this long post and do let me know if you have ever learned of anything nice from your kids or kids in general.
Lots of love
Sharoon
That's a very beautiful and well written story. It's very brave to be so open about yourself. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for stopping by, going through the post and appreciating it. It is really tough to be open about your experiences but honestly, it is quite refreshing too. :)
Before I had children I used to think how can a mother, (or father) but it was usually mothers I was seeing in town and shops, not out think and smart a toddler? - like really come up, it can't be that hard to be more intelligent than a toddler!
Of course I had no idea that this mother may well have had years of no sleep at night, how exhausting being a mother is, battles to eat, dress, change nappies, put the baby down when it was younger etc, so this mother is not a normal stable woman, she is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and doing the best she can!
So yes easy to judge when we have no idea, then when our eyes are opened we see it all so differently! :)
Welcome to EcoTrain! :)
This is exactly what I used to think too. One of my aunts used to have a messy home when her kids were younger and I used to be quite judgy deep inside. However, when I had my own son, I realized what she went through. Thanks for the lovely welcome and stopping by. :)
You're welcome. Yes we don't know how life is for others if we've not been through it.
Wishing you a wonderful day and week :)
Nice post! I am a bit cynical about the children, hehe. They are the ones you give all your love, and as they grow up they will not care about it and will think of it as a burden and the only thing they will do is to forget you and will not appreciate the sacrifices you gave them for them. Don't take my comment seriously I wish you happiness and health to you and to your son. :)
I think as a parent you have to just give unconditional love. I never appreciated all the sacrifices my parents made until I became a parent myself. Now I know how hard it is and how much they worried about us (and still do!) and am eternally grateful to them.
Girls, you both are right. I just speak from a theoretical level. I don't have children, but I know how I've overlooked my parents and I hate myself now, when I am adult person. On the other hand there love was blind and egoistic, they didn't know who am I. This is the tragic to me - the parents want all the happiness in the world for their children, and they fight for it, but they forget that the children is individual and his life and happiness are totally different from what the parents imagine for them. And I think the conflict comes from this gap and both sides are right for themselves but destroys each other with the time.
I get what you mean @godflesh. Parents nurture such blind and true love for their kids that often in the pursuit of making their kids happy, they make choices that aren't too beneficial for them cos as u said each kid is different. For instance, from a very young age, my mother told me how she would love for me to be a doctor and since I had a fascination with doctors, I thought this is who I'd want to be when I grew up so I started pursuing that path only to find out years later, my heart and soul craved for something else. Luckily, I didn't get in medical. :P So using that lesson, I'm trying that my son makes his own choices. However, my post was abotu something else entirely :P
It's true. I find myself trying to make my kids behave the way I want them to. They are not being naughty, they are just being themselves. These days I'm letting the little things go and allowing them to be themselves. As long as they have good values and know the difference between right and wrong they should be ok.....hopefully!
Agreed with @mummyimperfect. Parents are such nice beings; most of them. Know of some who don't raise kids in a positive environment. I don't think that making sacrifices each time is important but giving them a positive environment is monumental.
Hahaha no offence taken really. I agree with your comment to some extent. But the thing is one cannot expect receiving thing from children at all because when they grow up they will have lives of their own so I know you are right when you say that. However, when you are parent, you mostly don't think about what you will get in return from loving your child. Also, in my case, it is my son giving me more lessons hehe
And thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment :D
this is a beautiful post.. I understand what you say, although ive never had children! I learned from being very close with my younger brother.. its funny how every child is beautiful in it's parents eyes.. love knows only beauty!
Thank you @eco-alex! Love definitely knows only beauty and the love for your children often teaches you a lot; you just need to have the right attitude to spot that lesson and make good use of it.
This is a lovely post and I can totally relate to it. I only used to like "cute " kids before I had any kids of my own. I could never be bothered to interact with kids very much but since having my own I've changed a lot. I can relate to all kids now and enjoy talking to them. I was also judgemental but now I'm that mother in the supermarket with crying kids rolling around on the floor!....so now I never dare to judge anyone!
I want to hug you right now cos u totally understood me :D
Lovely to read! I do respect little people a lot. They are often so much more genuine then we are, that it's often us that need to learn to bend our head. I am not a mother, but a teacher and have worked a lot with children and get joy from observing them and their way of approaching life, around me.
I agree with you. Children are pure and natural. They don't hold their emotions back and when they ever do that, it is quite likely because of the misbehavior of an adult.
When a child reaches two-years-old, typically the unconditional love is removed and conditions placed on him/her to receive affection. Additionally, significant negativity and insults are poured out. The result is chaos from a shattered mind. What is frequently called tantrums are expressions of frustration and confusion. The result is a sad spiral that has been perpetuating.
The only mental defect of a child is a refined system of logic. A mentally and emotionally healthy Junior Explorer gathers information most of the day and then seeks out a trusted confidant. If the confinee is one of the parents, then a mutually joyful communication ensues where both parties learn.
Your words are so inspirational. Each time you speak, I learn something amazing from you. I agree with each word you said and sadly I learned this lesson a year and a half after my child's birth and caused him frustration with my behavior in the start but the good thing is I did learn this lesson and put it to good use and now he is such a happy, fun loving kid. Thank you stopping by @aedroberts. Means so much!
@OriginalWorks
The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @sharoonyasir to be original material and upvoted it!
To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!
To enter this post into the daily RESTEEM contest, upvote this comment! The user with the most upvotes on their @OriginalWorks comment will win!
For more information, Click Here!
Special thanks to @reggaemuffin for being a supporter! Vote him as a witness to help make Steemit a better place!