Confronting Inner Fears - How Meditation Can Help
As mentioned in a previous post we have been solidifying our mantra and meditation practice through a 40-day commitment. This has brought up a lot for me from resistance, to joy, to feelings of lack to inspiration. Wren wrote about that sharing her experience here, but, even though we share this account, our meditation experiences are unique so I wanted to take the time to share mine.
Diving deeper on the daily keeps uncovering more and more.
Although it has been over a decade since I first started meditating, I have not been serious about it lately. But even after 10 days I am noticing big shifts.
This winter has been like a reunion with myself.
I really appreciate the container that this practice affords. For 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening, I am committed to sitting still and being present. This seems like a no brainer when I think about it, but I have created such a whirlwind of thoughts, actions and activities surrounding the establishment of a homestead and edible forest gardens, that the practice of sitting has taken a back seat (pardon the pun).
I’ve sat in several 10 day silent retreats, lived at a monastery for a month and maintained a personal practice sporadically throughout my adult life, but some part of me has avoided or resisted mediation. Even though I know how simple and beneficial a practice it is. What’s that about?
I feel it is in part the fear of fully confronting myself that keeps me from meditating regularly.
The fear of seeing my darkest, meanest and unhealthiest parts, the inner demons and all the forgotten nooks and crannys of my psyche. The fear of seeing all the inner work that is needed. The fear of really seeing myself. It can be scary to see part of myself more clearly, parts that I've ignored or hidden. It may mean that the man I think I am is not who I really am. The commitment to 40 days of sitting is helping me frame the practice in a manageable way and confront these fears. Things are getting real here!
Another thing that is coming to the surface is the fear of sharing things I create.
Looking back in my journals into a time when I was committed to meditation 2 hours a day, I found a great deal of inspired writings, expressing my explorations of the interconnectedness of self, Gaia and the universe. The daily practice has already spurred on a burst of creativity. The quiet time is kindly an inner fire. Recently I shared a piece on fungi I wrote, and was encouraged to continue. I have recently picked up the mandolin and have been loving the avenue for expression it affords.
Here’s to getting over my fear of sharing my creative endeavors.
I’m working towards putting myself out there more, and sharing inspired creations. Sharing these heartfelt creations is an edge for me, but one ultimately worth confronting. It's an edge that is softened by the daily practice.
As a part of that, we're going to take part in @cabelindsday's Steemit Vision Quest(consider joining, it's an awesome invitation!).
If you're interested in joining in on the #meditation-challenge, please check out #ecotrain's 7 day meditation challenge.
What is keeping you from living your fullest and truest self?
Search the #ecotrain tag for more consciousness raising posts! And the #meditation-challenge tag to read of others' experiences <3
What a beautiful and heart-felt writing. I really appreciate what you say about commitment - and then it can be a dance between distraction & the commitment. Though as you say/ask, 'what's that about?' since distraction can well be avoidance! Perhaps the time you have invested around creating the homestead may be viewed as mediation in action?! You were in manifestation mode?! I think many, if not most of us, return again and again to our various types of meditation or contemplative practices....and are always welcomed deeply back into the mystery. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank You. Happy Reunion!
Well written, distraction certainly can be avoidance, at least in my case. Yes to meditation in action, although im seeking a more balanced approach. Stillness is always helpful.
Thanks for the support and thoughtful response. Yes, we do tend to ebb and flow as humans with a practice.
I like the idea of challenging yourself to commit. What do you think drives your creativity? Does it come to you as you are meditating?
I feel it is more the result of being more in the flow state. Post practice and throughout the day I feel more relaxed and in tune. That's when creativity flows for me.
I might juggle some things around and try it out.
I get how hard it is to share our creations. Like showing a piece of our sometimes wounded soul to a stranger. Not easy.
So true. But I feel the more we share and are vulnerable, the more whole we become.
Absolutely! And we help heal each other, our ancestors, and the world too. It's good stuff, but it definitely requires some deep breaths beforehand.
really good to get to know you a bit better through this post, Thank you! It is SO good to read everyones stories about meditation as it really helps to inspire and encourage me to keep going and even step it up.
You have inspired me to mediate also in the evening, which i have never done before! WHy not!? maybe ill sleep better, and i waste too much time online at night anyways...
thank you, you are a jewel!
Ya, this digital Sanga of sorts is really nourishing. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. Really appreciate the kind words. We are happy to have connected with you, and thanks for challenging us all to step the meditation game up.
Hope you do sleep better. Evening are definitely more of ab effort to fold into the day, but happy we are doing it.