Are women who dress provocatively responsible for unwanted attention, or should men learn to control themselves? (Ecotrain QOTW)

---

Last year, or any year before that I would have had a different answer to what I have now, but I don’t think it will be a popular one…

So, up to about a year ago, I would have been up in arms on this question and said, yes, of course, men should not act like that and a woman should be allowed to wear whatever she likes, without the fear of unwanted attention.

But you can’t go changing people, just like that, you can say ‘its wrong’ to the cows come home, but it won’t make a blind bit of difference.

God only knows I tried ‘changing’ someone for 13 years, it just doesn’t work. It wasn't even a major change, just I could see potential and I tried to motivate them to see that potential too, but no cigar.

What is Provocative?

It is about accepting who people are. There will always be unwanted attention if you choose to dress provocatively.

Then there is different terms of provocative, as well.

I think the question refers to boobs and ass nearly on show, but it could also mean people who choose certain styles like emo or goth for example, or almighty amounts of bling, which would broaden the question of ‘unwanted attention’ right out as well.

So if a woman wears provocative clothing, she is likely to attract attention from men and woman alike, as we will be all be casting aspersions and judgments.

In all honesty, she knows she will attract attention, whether it is unwanted and how to deal with it is up to her.

Of course, it is any woman’s (any person’s) right to wear provocative clothing if they like, but they should be prepared of potential consequences of wearing said clothing by not giving a fuck what people think, being street savvy, ignoring unwanted attention, keeping in well lit public places and staying close to friends etc.

The Reality

Yes it would be wonderful if a woman could walk down the street wearing what they would like and not get lustful glares, comments or wolf whistles (mind you I think wolf whistles have been outlawed in some locations).

It is, however, part of the reality of life. It’s not going to change, because people have to choose to change, so ‘re-education’ will not work.

I remember in my university days in London and coming home at 3am in the morning with a belt, platform shoes and boob tube and there could have been some dodgy moments.

There was certainly dodgy talk and night buses have all sorts of strange people on them and I wasn’t the most street savvy of students on the block.

Walking down White Hart Lane at 4am in the morning by oneself might also be seen as ‘asking for trouble’ and it was frightening, stupid and I was highly aware of the slightest noise or footstep.

Possibly not my wisest decision, but I’m still here 20 years later, so that’s good.

It quickly became something that I didn’t do, least not unless I had friends with me. I wasn’t much of a clubber anyway. Probably could count amounts of times I went on my fingers.

I think my brief provocative stage in dressing was being a rebel against my parents as they were strict and would not let me leave the house in anything revealing. I remember once trying to wear a black skirt that had slit up the side, but I was ‘forbidden’ to wear it.

Everyone Has Right To Be Who They Want to Be

At the end of the day, it’s about owning who you want to be, being that person and having no apologies.

It can’t be one rule for one and one rule for another (well it is, but that is exactly what it is).

You could say, we as women should try and control our emotions better, particularly at that time of the month - not going to happen!

Neither is asking men to control themselves at the sight of seeing a provocatively dressed woman.

And before you think it is not my place to say such things, I was in a situation as a 17-year-old where a combination of too much to drink (vodka I seem to remember) and dressing provocatively led to a very unwanted situation.

But today I’m older, wiser and more open-minded and have learned (the hard way) to take people as they are.

But anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject.

Any comments? ;)

<3 @hopehuggs

---

▶️ DTube
▶️ IPFS