How To Handle Painful Feelings
We all experience painful feelings. It's part of being human.
We go through failures and setbacks. We get hurt by the actions of others. Sometimes we end up hurting other people and ourselves. These situations bring up all sorts of difficult feelings and thoughts that we usually want to avoid.
There are a lot of ways we can handle our unwanted feelings. The usual way we deal with them is to try to get rid of them or avoid the triggers that bring them on. In the short term, they work. We might, for example, suppress our feelings, drink, eat, distract ourselves, avoid people and avoid situations.
It's fine if we do them from time to time. But in the long run, you'll notice from experience that these thoughts and feelings come back. Sometimes, they even come back stronger. Also, If we rely too much on these coping strategies, our health and relationships suffer. We then experience more unwanted thoughts and feelings.
When we struggle with our feelings, we tend to feel worse. Watch the video below to know more:
The Struggle Switch by Russ Harris
This is acting in a kind manner to yourself while noticing your painful thoughts and feelings. This also involves seeing your experience as common and that other people go through the same things as you do.
Kristin Neff is a pioneer in self-compassion research. The video above shows her describing self-compassion and how to practice it. You can also go to her website http://self-compassion.org/ to know more. On the site, you'll find exercises, audio meditations, and other resources.
2. Practice Allowing Your Feelings To Be As They Are
There are various meditation methods that can help you accept of your feelings.
One of the most common ones is a kind of meditation where you follow your breath.
Below are the steps:
Go to a place where you are likely not to be disturbed. Sit down comfortably. Close your eyes.
Follow your breath as you inhale and exhale.
If you get distracted by a thought, feeling or sensation, note them and gently go back to your breath.
You can start with 5 minutes a day and eventually increase this up to 30 minutes a day. Over time, with consistent practice, you will be more allowing of your feelings.
During times when you are having painful feelings, you can also remind that you are allowing them so that they won't become worse. You can also tell yourself that the feelings will pass and wait it out.
Another way to practice allowing your feelings is to notice them with curiosity and kindness. Once a difficult feeling comes up, you notice it and describe where you feel it in your body. Is it in your chest? Your throat? Your stomach? Are you feeling heat or a pinching or a choking sensation in that area? How big is it? Where does it begin and end?
The exercises that I mentioned in my previous posts will also help with accepting your feelings. You can check them here:
How To Handle Painful Thoughts
How To Handle Painful Thoughts Part 2
Thanks for reading this article. I hope these exercises and information are helpful to you in some way.
I would like to note that the information in this post is not meant to replace therapy. If you are having problems handling feelings, please consult with a health professional.
May you have a meaningful life.
Indeed very helpful, dealing with your feelings will help you to cope easily. Focusing on the things you are in control. Thank you Sir. Great post!
Thank you @sherylneil. That's right, let's focus on what we can control. Cheers!
It is sad that we don't teach people appropriate ways to deal with their feelings until they become problematic and they seek help. It should be a basic life lesson for everyone.
You're right. It's sad that a lot of people are not taught to deal with their feelings appropriately.
It's great,though, that information about dealing with feelings are available on the web and books. Emotional regulation methods are now also getting taught in a lot of schools and companies.
A lot of the stigma associated with depression and other mental illness has diminished over the years, as society's understanding increases. I think the online resources helps individuals and those that care about them become informed of their options.
Yes, you're right. A lot of the stigma has lessened and there are a lot of resources available. It's great that popular celebrities are sharing their struggles as well.