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In my last post, How To Handle Painful Thoughts, I described how you can be an observer of your thoughts so they won't take over you. In this post, I will give you other ways of getting into Observer Mode.

Before we continue though, you may wonder, "Why don't I just get rid of these unhelpful thoughts in the first place? Why do I have to observe them?"

The Yellow Cab

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Well, let's see if we can get rid of them. Let's try an exercise.

Think of a yellow cab. Hold it in your mind for a minute.

Now, do your best to not think of a yellow cab, even once, for 3 minutes. Really do all you can to block it out of your mind.

Any luck? You probably didn't do well.

Now, think of a painful thought. Something that's mildly irritating or worrisome. Choose a thought that's a 3 or 4 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst.

Got it? Now, do the same thing as you did with the thought of the yellow cab. Do everything you can to not think of the unwanted thought for 3 minutes. Not even once.

How did you do?

As you can see in this exercise, thoughts cannot be easily erased by sheer will. It comes and goes on its own. Besides, if you want to get rid of something, aren't you thinking of it as well? If you want to take out the trash, you think of the trash before you take it out.

Now, let's go back to our discussion.

Sky Metaphor

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When you look at the sky on a sunny day, you will likely notice clouds. When it's cloudy, there are more of them and the sun gets blocked from view from time.

At times, it rains. The sky and gets dark and the sun is nowhere to be found. Sometimes, there is a storm with thunder and lightning.

Imagine the weather as your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, you have helpful happy thoughts and feelings. Other times, you have painful ones, like sadness and anxiety.

Now, see yourself as the sky. The sky is expansive and it allows all kinds of weather in it. The sky never goes away and is not affected by the storm. Could you be the sky and just observe what's going on inside you?

Source: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

The Unwanted Guest Metaphor

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Imagine that you have a party in your house. All your favorite relatives and friends are there. You are having a good time.

Then, someone rings the doorbell. It's your Uncle Ted and he wants to join the party.

You don't like Uncle Ted. He complains a lot. He doesn't bathe and use mouthwash. Even your other relatives and friends often look for a way to avoid him.

Now, you don't want to have Uncle Ted in your party. You tell him not to come in. You might even tell him off and slam the door on him. But he keeps on ringing the doorbell. He shouts and tells you to let him in. He also goes to your windows and the back door, knocking and screaming at you to let him in.

You shout back at your Uncle Ted and tell him to go away but he persists. You try ignoring him, but he just keeps on trying to get your attention. While this is happening, you are not able to enjoy the party. Your guests are not able to either.

Now, imagine the house as you and the party as an activity you value. Perhaps the activity is going to sports practice with your child.

Uncle Ted is a painful thought or feeling. Maybe we get a thought like, "I wouldn't know what to say to the other parents." We also get feelings of shyness and anxiety.

To try to get rid of these thoughts, We either push them away, ignore them or we give an excuse to our child not to attend the practice. You then don't get to enjoy the party.

Or you can welcome Uncle Ted.

You greet him at the door and you let him in. You hear his complaints. You notice his smell. You offer him food and allow him to do whatever he wants. Now while he is in the party, you can now be with your friends and family to have fun. He's still there groaning but you just let him be. The party continues.

Can we welcome our thoughts and feelings and let them be without fighting them so we can do what matters? When Uncle Ted knocks, can we let him in and tell him, "Welcome to the party, Uncle Ted?"

I adapted this from The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

Thanks for reading this article. I hope you got something out of it that you can use in your life.

If you to want to know more about similar methods, do a search on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

I will be posting more about handling thoughts and feelings in the future.

By the way, the information in this post is not a replacement for therapy. If you need help with your thoughts and feelings, please seek professional help.

May you enjoy your party and may you have a meaningful life.