DAD-Chronicals : Dad can do it too - if mom lets him
Dad can do it too - if mom lets him
Actually women want the "doer" as a man. You want to admire him for his tough job, his smart intelligence in conversations, his superiority in difficult situations - only in dealing with the children: Since the hero can hardly do anything right. There he is the absolute loser. Believe the women.
Why do mothers not trust the fathers when it comes to education? Time to speak a "power word" - yes please. But suggest rules or interfere with the mother role - no thanks.
Hands off!
Mothers like to defend themselves with their hands and feet against the interference of the fathers in the daily questions and problems of education. Family researchers call this behavior "maternal gatekeeping". The principle "You do not come in here!" In the family cosmos - Mama as a doorman, so to speak. In plain English: "Either she encourages her father and leads him. Or she stops an active father - criticizes how he deals with the child or leaves him with the offspring rarely alone, "it is summed up in a GEOWissen article.
Caring versus challenge
"Watch it, please," you hear Mom often say. "Leave him," Papa says. These statements pretty much characterize the eternal conflict between the maternal and paternal roles in everyday juxtaposition. The mother is proverbially motherly, caring, self-sacrificing. The father likes to remain calm and at the same time more challenging. In the case of women, however, this behavior is more likely to be negative and irresponsible, in the best case careless.
Surrender?
The father, who still does not seem to have found his role in the family carousel, has bad cards when it comes to his positioning within the triangle father-mother-child. Especially when the mother is completely absorbed in her role. She takes any responsibility for the child on her own shoulders and rejects any support from the father's side. Yes, even more - she often defends herself actively by castrating the man, so to speak, in educational matters. Change diaper? Make a peasant? Wear romper? All wrong. Give it to me. Sooooo has to look like that. Before such a gatekeeper capitulated at some point the most penetrating intruder.
A question of self-confidence
But clearly. She is the mother. She is at least nine months ahead of men. And the dad can not give the daddy the baby either. And already it says 2: 0. After the birth, in most cases the wife stays home and the husband goes to work. Time that the father and the child lack and that the mother expects him to be unfamiliar with when dealing with the kids. But you also have to understand the woman: she does the household, cooks, takes care of the homework, dries tears, blows hair, sits in parent-consultation and in waiting rooms of paediatricians. And then suddenly this man comes and says "Leave him"? For women, this often means a hurtful cut into their competence and sole source of their self-confidence. Women often feel this more when they have given up their profession and only take care of the child.
Fathers as a valuable help
"The lower this self-esteem, the more likely it was for women to fully take responsibility for the child, to look upon the father as an assistant, and to set rigorous standards for how to handle the child "In doing so, women neglect to recognize the valuable help and incredible recognition they make in the form of an active father, when they exclude the man from education. Because only if the father can get to know actively what the daily handling of children means, he can only appreciate and recognize the role of the mother and its value.
Do not give up without a fight!
The fathers are therefore called upon to not surrender to the "maternal gatekeeping" without a fight and to reflect on the convenience. If dad thinks that the 8-year-old son can climb the old tree in the garden, then he should make it clear to Mama why it is so important that the boy sometimes takes on such challenges. Also, and even if nuts then stands trembling under the pear tree. For example, one study showed that mothers trust their 16-year-old offspring the same way fathers did 12-year-olds.
Developmental psychologists therefore demand the active intervention of the fathers. Because they see in them an encouraging moment for the sons and daughters. And with courage one explores the world. And at the end of the day, a determined child full of self-confidence also benefits a faithfully caring mother.
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