DAD-Chronicals : The first friend of the daughter and everything will be different
The first friend of the daughter and everything will be different
Suddenly he is there and many fathers are irritated that their daughter is no longer the sweet little girl, but has become a woman with her own identity and also sexuality. Feeling of jealousy coupled with concern are perfectly normal here, because as a father one was usually the child's first great love.
Is your daughter suddenly more concerned about her appearance than usual, seems dreamy and unfocused and can not get away from her cell phone? Then the first friend could have entered her life. The emotions that are already in turmoil through puberty, play crazy and the "child" is no use to anything.
The daughter in love
The first love can meet girls as well as boys already in primary school age. Of the adults often smiled mildly, here can flow quite great feelings. It becomes serious when the daughter falls in love with puberty, because then comes the erotic-sexual aspect. The infatuation becomes more intense and can cause everything else to be hidden. This affects all fathers, but above all those who until then had a very intense, close relationship with their child. In addition to the emotional chaos, living together is usually more complicated. When the hormones play crazy, the daughter has only one goal: she wants to spend time with the loved one and be close to him. The cooperation within the family is often close to zero, the grades can suffer and things like household help, which in the past might have been taken for granted, are suddenly a real problem.
The jealous father
The king is dead, long live the king! It does not hurt to be scorned, even if in this case the mind still insists, everything would be fine. The jealousy and the anxiety are all the greater, as the father knows the "men". In his imagination, the poor child is sexually used and exploited and not infrequently, the daughter so much sought by the daughter is considered with fatherly rejection. The jealousy of a father can go so far that he forbids the dealings with the friend, even if there is no real reason for it. Luckily for most daughters, as a father, after a period of insult, one accepts the new phase of life into which the child enters. The first friend causes a change in the relationship between father and daughter. She breaks away from the family, goes her own way and her love is directed to the outside, to her friend.
Understanding and clear rules
Do you remember your first love yourself? You should, because then you will understand better the feeling and thinking of your daughter. Understanding is announced here. Look forward to having your child experience something so beautiful. As a parent, and especially as a father, you should not unnecessarily tarnish those feelings and let fives be even when the daughter is in love. In addition to all understanding but should still be complied with the family rules. Tasks that have been assigned to your daughter must be claimed as consistently as usual. She is part of the family and has to behave accordingly.
Fathers whose daughters have fallen in love have only one chance: they must accept the new situation and remember that this is not a personal denial by the daughter. They are thrust out of the throne, but still loved, because the father-daughter love is something very consistent and after a first period of falling in love again - at least if it did not spoil the fathers by unnecessary jealousy scenes and regulations. If this is the case, it may take a long time for the relationship of trust to be restored.
Other Stories round about the DAD-Chronicals
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You know I'm not Dad, but i have a niece... and I've struggled with the idea that very soon (she turned 14) she will fall in love with a boy and what not...
They grow way too fast, but i have the luxury of pretending to be fair to her and allowing her to explore her individuality, because I'm not there enough to do the opposite...
As a father of soon to be 4 daughters, my eldest being 18 years old, I dealt with the reality of sex (and drugs) like a fun and encouraging friend.
It is an inevitability and these parts of life are fun, and we want our precious girls to love and enjoy their lives, so why not guide and encourage good sex and intelligent drug use?
As a result, my eldest never shut me out with her experiences. Rather, she confided in and trusted me with many details of her personal life and by being an encouraging, supportive friend (and father) to her, she has a foundation of trust and respect from and with the masculine.
Also, I was totally fine with her opening herself to experience heartbreak too. It’s in these tougher times which define our character and resilience so, of course, it’s impoetant for our girls to experience these things too.
Great blog topic!
thx for your huge answer, i really like it, it shows me up hey i hit a good point with my story(line)
its good to hear(read) others made good experiences and your answer showed up, be an open one stay smart take a look for what they doin and you will be part of em longer than often the first friend stays ;)
Oh no, I don't think I showed you up. Just providing a different perspective on the same issue that fathers face. Your perspective is perfect as it is. Some dads just aren't emotionally developed or ready enough to go all the way to what I'm suggesting. They still need good advice.
My way of dealing with it was from a loving realists perspective. I wanted to continue having a close relationship with my daughter so I chose the path less taken (and less expected) and it works.
From what I experienced, no parenting style is perfect because each person and child is so different. There's no 'one size fits all.'
You definitely hit a good point!
Oh wow! Yes we can raise them and give them all the tools they need in life but we can't live life for them at the end of the day!