No Chicken at the Chicken Place--They Must Be Racist! (Thoughts on the dangerous cocktail of assumptions, prejudice, and alcohol)

in #culture7 years ago (edited)

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What!? No chicken!?!?!


Well, this story is embarrassing for me to tell, but I think I should share it.

Last night two friends and I went to a yakitori restaurant to get a bite to eat after a few drinks at the pub. (Yakitori is grilled chicken of various types and flavors on served on small wooden or bamboo skewers. It's a very popular food--and late-night, bar food-- here in Japan.)

My friend suggested we try a place just down the street, but mentioned that they did not like foreigners at this particular place, and had given him trouble before, due to the rowdy behavior of some mutual friends on a visit prior. I absorbed this information much as I was presently absorbing the whisky highball coursing through my bloodstream, made a mental note, and followed my buddy in. I didn't realize that I had just allowed my mind to become prejudiced. I should have held my friend's words in limbo.

Upon walking in, I saw that a young waiter had already approached this friend and was telling him there was no more yakitori. I found this extremely hard to believe, as it was only 10:30 on a Saturday night, and the place was full of customers. The little program my friend's words had implanted in me just outside, and which I had accepted without much thought, sprang into action in my brain. He was right! These guys are lying! They just don't want foreigners here! (There are some places in Japan that do not accept or serve foreigners.)

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Pretty sure this is what we looked like to the owner of the chicken joint last night.

Disbelief.


I told the young waiter he "must be lying" to us and asked him to please just state the real reason he was refusing us service. He insisted that the restaurant was fresh out of chicken. Soon, the owner and a woman who I assumed to be his wife approached. The owner had an amused smile on his face, which I took to be a mockery. We're out, he said kindly. The tension continued to escalate as now all of us--my friend, myself, and our Japanese friend who was with us--were convinced they were just trying to get us out of there.

Looking back now, though, they did say we could stay for drinks like everyone else. We hadn't believed that was the truth. We thought we were being targeted. Finally, after being surrounded by three staff members, and seeing the anger (which I assumed to be dislike of foreigners) in the face of the woman, I stood from my seat to leave and said "You just hate foreigners!" turned around, saying "Fuck you!" and went outside. My two friends would follow in kind.

The owner followed us out. My one friend seemed to be on the verge of getting physical. At some point I began to look around. I could sense something was off. Even in my drunken state, things about my friend's theory didn't add up. Indeed, looking back inside, nobody seemed to have any chicken on their plates all around the place. The owner said we could come back anytime. I separated my buddy from the owner and tried to keep him at bay. His emotions were taking over. We walked away.

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Me thinking, "Damn I was an idiot last night."

The takeaway.


As we hobbled away, and talked amongst ourselves about what had happened, I tried to put it together. There is no way a yakitori shop is out of yakitori at 10:30 on a Saturday night. The place is open until 1! I continued to think out loud. My one friend was still convinced they were racist jerks, as he said he had been told the same thing before, on a couple occasions, but with slightly different details. Maybe they have me confused with someone else, he pondered aloud.

It was driving me nuts. As we walked back past the place on our way to somewhere else, I asked my Japanese friend to go check it out again. "If people are eating chicken, now 20 minutes later, we will know they were lying." He walked by with his iPhone drawn, ready to shoot the incriminating scene of a restaurant full of happy racists with their plates overflowing with delicious, greasy, skewered chicken. The look on his face was funny. He turned to us. Nobody has any food, he said. My other buddy looked at the ground and let out a bit of a troubled sigh. I knew we had been too into our own narratives at that point, and the booze had made it easier to "feel right."

I may go back today to apologize. My wife also told me today that these yakitori places running out of yakitori is not that uncommon. Though this was largely an inconsequential happening, and not really a big deal, I feel like a fool. It has also got me thinking how easy it is for people to be turned against one another.

As a foreigner living here in Japan, I get stared at a lot. We often are treated differently because we are foreigners. Sometimes, the treatment is even patronizing, as if we are children. This shapes a narrative in the mind. An expectation. A prejudice. Literally, a pre-judgement. This can be very dangerous. Last night's fiasco was over chicken. This is the same essential reason people fight each other in wars though, too, and kill each other in race riots. I think it is very, very important to always keep a fresh, clean and critical mind, and not let blanket generalizations cloud our clear vision of specific individuals and situations. MISUNDERSTANDING, ASSUMPTIONS, and PRE-JUDICE. These can be very dangerous things.

Now, who wants to go get some yakitori? I'm hungry.

EDIT: I've just returned from the shop again today. I brought a small gift and the owner and staff were nothing but understanding. My son was with me, and was asking what we were doing, so I told him daddy was kind of stupid last night and made a mistake and needs to say sorry. It was a good chance for me to show him that we all make mistakes, and that we can seek understanding and set things right. A real life lesson in being human. They told us to come back anytime. :)

~KafkA

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Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)

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I used to be that guy too, no worries! I think going in to apologize would be awesome, most people are not considerate enough to do that but I think that would undo the negative feelings you left the staff and owner with and if they did harbor any ill will towards foreigners (most ill will towards foreigners in Japan is because foreigners force them out of their comfort zone and are much more popular at the clubs) an apology and explaination ("sometimes people really do discriminate") would help hem understand our position a bit better.

Fun story!

Thanks a lot, man. I've actually just come back from apologizing and bringing them a small gift with my son. They (the owner and all staff present last night) were nothing but understanding and told us to come back anytime. A good chance to teach my son that sometimes we mess up, but we can apologize and set things right. Glad you liked the story!

Of course I did, I can totally relate. I think I mentioned it a while ago, but I lived in japan for 5 years, then haven't for 5 years...currently planning my return.

Fuck yakatori, I'm making a sign and a bumper sticker!! Just kidding, I think that you did a good thing in going back to the restaurant. I know exactly what you mean about Japanese and American cultural differences. I work for a Japanese owned company and it is easy to let pre-conceived ideas sneak in before meetings, clouding your judgment and listening ability. Your comment about the owner giving you "his amused smile" hit the nail right on the head for me. Our previous President had a habit of doing that when he didn't agree with an idea. I am not sure if he understood the stifling effect that it had on the group and how angry everyone became for being looked down upon. We are required to have training to adapt to the culture of our Japanese management, but they seldom receive any training in American culture.

Haha. Yep. Those smiles exist, and it looks like I mistook the owner's for one the other night. It's funny how it is acceptable here--and even expected--for people on the job to always give a smile, even if it looks like they are really upset or angry in their eyes.

American culture training makes sense. In many ways, it is two different worlds. Especially in business.

That is pretty embarrassing and crazy! However, you should go back and apologize, the worst that could happen is you'll be embarrassed for a little moment, but if you don't you will only reinforce the negative opinion the owner might have towards foreigners, and it would be the right thing to do. It can only build good will.

Good luck!

I am glad that you're introspective enough to write about it and want to apologize to the owner for this.

Shit happens yeah, especially when drunk. I've been drunk before and done some stupid shit, but gladly, no one got hurt.

The thing is, there're so many people today out there who think that they're better than customer service staff because they believe in the bullshit that is "the customer is always right."

And then they think they're allowed to behave that way and not feel remorse because "hahaha! Omg I was so drunk. I [conveniently] don't remember anything!"

I've seen this behavior from the receiving end before as I worked in a club at one point in my life. Some humans are pretty disgusting.

I hear you. And great points. I've just been back to set the record straight and apologize. Everybody--owner and staff--were kind and understanding. I think it meant a lot to them that I came back with a small gift.

Good on you man. This makes you a real man.

Others would be coming up with all sorts of excuses.

The last time I was rude to a parking attendant, I walked back to him after meeting my friend to apologize to him. We shook hands.

As a foreigner in Japan it's wise to be just as wary of foreigners perceiving racism where there is none as it is to be wary of actual racism by Japanese. I've encountered both, and in my experience it's much more likely the foreigner is exaggerating than that there was actual racism involved. Most racism I've ever experienced here has either been innocent remarks where the person didn't realize it was racist, or just the occasional loser muttering "kusai" under his breath as he passed by. Of course, there's also the kind of reverse racism / foreigner worship kind of stuff. And yeah, apparently there are places that really do bar foreigners, but I've never actually encountered one.

But that's all beside the point. The real crime here is that a yakitori shop ran out of chicken at the time it is needed most. I have NEVER seen that. Shame. Shame. Shame.

But that's all beside the point. The real crime here is that a yakitori shop ran out of chicken at the time it is needed most. I have NEVER seen that. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Hahah. you said it, brother. And agreed. A lot of foreigners here are hypersensitive, as I apparently was for a few moments last night. I've just been back to the place just now. Dude was nothing but cool. Felt good to set the record straight.

Yeah, it's happened to me at times too. Have to keep myself in check. There are plenty of other things to get annoyed about in Japan that are actually real. Like at the conbini, their insistence on piling my change on top of my receipt before handing it to me.
I don't know who told them to do that, but it needs to stop. But if I was back in the states I'd be annoyed with probably bigger issues, so I try not to complain that much.

i hope you do make the effort to go and enjoy some yakatori and apologize - why not.

Just got back. Owner and staff nothing but kind and understanding.

all good -well done showing up and taking responsibility -- your a decent guy

That means you are not Japanese?I thought at that time, when I saw you that you are not look like Japanese people but your appearance is as like an Aryan tribe. Thanks for idea of gift which works double ,most importantly in your son's mind and also to the people. You are so genius, thanks for sharing, have a great time.

Hi, maya. Thanks for your kind comment. No, I am not Japanese. Just living here currently.

Glad to see that you went back. From their perspective, you were the rude foreigners who came into their country and jumped on all of them for no reason and also shaming them in front of other people who were there. Maybe not even the first group of foreigners who acted like that. Thankfully, you realised the mistake and even gave a gift. You did the right thing and I bet it felt good to them.

I saw a YouTube video about a grown up black guy living in Japan since his childhood. They asked him to mention a racist experience because of "How discriminating the Japanese people are!". He absolutely couldn't mention anything specific. No memories of such. He could only mention a memory vaguely when little kids in elementary school fooled around because his skin colour was different. So basically, kids being kids when they see something they don't see usually. As a grown up, nothing. Of course, this isn't the 100% truth and true for everyone there but this whole situation seems like an exaggeration. Saying "you are sexist, bigot, racist, etc." slurs for silly, baseless reasons... Mostly driven by strong emotions. What I hear is that they tend to be polite and tolerant. Japanese people don't seem to have this obsession of labeling others while people from Western countries more likely do it. Whatever the topic is, soon it is lead/forced to "oh they must be this or that". Even in everyday conversations about casual topics, movies, tv series, sports, gaming, some people come and act like zealots and start to attack and label others when that's not even the case. There is an article like this on some newspapers every day targeting someone or something. And after a while, it is boring, unbelievable and people get tired of it. Really, there is no limit these days after the "sexist air conditioning" drama.

Don't go hard on yourself though, mistakes were made but you did the right thing in the end and probably you will change other people's thinking too.

Yeah, there is definitely racism here, though usually aimed at Chinese and Koreans, and Junior High Schools can be brutal as far as bullying goes.

All that said, we just overreacted. I've been here 7 years and the situation certainly isn't the norm. As a foreigner, though, it is true that you can never be allowed all the way "in," in most cases, as that is how the society is set up.

Whereas in America a person can come in and "be American" after a while, I can never be Japanese as full citizenship is not offered. Not that I mind, as an anarchist ;)

But yeah, it felt good today to go back and let the guy know I'm not a total heel. He seemed to appreciate it.

Yeah, I heard about the "Gaijin" phenomenon that you can't really become Japanese and you will(probably) always be a foreigner. But also heard that they often say it without any bad intentions. As I think about this, we tend to say it too during casual conversations in my country. "Yes, he is a foreigner, he is from xy", "the foreigner girl?" etc. without any bad intentions. That full citizenship law is rare though, as far as I know in most countries you can take up the nationality. Hm, different laws, different culture.

Anyways, what about crimes? Is it safe in the evenings? Like walking alone or going out at night, etc.

Totally safe. Unbelievably safe, actually.

Next time go early. Have a yakitori and inform us. cheers!!

Well you created a scene feel sorry for the owner...... yea next time if you go there do apologize i am sure he will treat you better than others.

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