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The Backstory of the Gorgeous, Awe-inspiring, Formidable Man

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Canoeing in the deepest darkest part of the jungle, the thought came to me, that I'm a fabulous person. All alone in the most dangerous part of the jungle, who was to know of my outstanding-ness as I paddled down the most dangerous river known to man? Who was going to pat my back and itch the itch that always itches that you can never get?

I might be able to grab a branch as it floats on by me, while in my canoe, on my incredible journey, up the river because down would be too easy. The question of, 'Was it really worth it with no one around to see?' heavy on my mind along with the thoughts of once again not having my fabulous achievements recorded down in history for all to marvel at.

The thought stayed with me all day as I fought off crocodiles in piranha-infested waters with electric eels surrounding us, all with no one around to see or film the mystical fight of the day.

Such is the life of an astounding man that does these phenomenal things I thought to myself. To be so sensational and go so long without even an 'Oh! What a wonderful man you are!'

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Not a 'Really?' or a 'Tell me more!' Nope, not even a 'Let me see the fabulous photos of your tour!'.

Then I got to thinking as I ported my canoe 7 miles in the snow and rain while stopping to help all the sheep giving birth as it was that time of the season.

If I can not share my gorgeous, awe-inspiring, formidable self with the world what is the sense of it all.

That night I slept in my canoe along with the three orphan lambs. Their mothers not making it while giving birth. I let them feed on the lactating cows I had saved from certain death when the hurricane winds came blowing them all to the edge of the mighty cliff.

Lucky for them I had my trusty pen knife to stick in the thousand-year-old tree which held the canoe in place while the lambs settled beneath.

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Image Sourse

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From there I pulled the vines quickly down from the rotting tree simultaneously weaving a strong and sturdy rope to last ten thousand years. I was against the wind but for a man like me, my aim was true and strong. I saved all 25 cows that day and lead all up the mountain to the place we would finally be in the arms of Morpheus on this star-filled night.

On this night of nights, I lite my pipe and took the deepest of breaths letting my mind wander to the place that holds my strength, keeping it safe, while on fabulous journeys. I floated in the place between realizing my time alone was being wasted all on my own.

A Man such as me should really be seen and heard, so all would know that someday they might be as majestic as I. They never would, this we all know, but it is humble of me to give the people something to strive for.

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The least I could do for all humanity is to share my splendid self.

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I woke the next morning, bright and early, feeling rested and ready, for the taking of my new journey in life. The calling strong, to spread the word, far and wide, of my stunning life. To make any and all, that would come near, if they dared, be more then willing to finally scratch the gall darn f*cking itch in the middle of my back!

Grabbing the canoe I proceeded to outfit it with the new wheels I had made from smoking branches over the fire last night. Taking the lean-to now fitted to the back, I piled the crocodile hides, eel skins, piranha jaws, one ton of shiny gold to the top using the rope I had weaved the day before.

Whistling for the 25 cows, they all came running, to do my bidding, pulling me and the 3 baby lambs 250 miles to finally reach the town I called home so many years ago.

To say I caused a stir would be an understatement when the train of cows pulled us into town.

The cheering I heard that day, as I made my way to the family farm, brought home how incredibly astute I was to finally head back home to my Wife and children.

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Pulling into the family farm my wife of these long years stood with our seven children. What? you think my wife would have just one tiny child each time we got pregnant?

My Wife stood with tears running down her face by the stunning sight of me. I leaped off and stood my eyes taking in all of my equally stunning Wife.

My love ran to me, I enveloped her in my arms and gave her the longest kiss in history while her tiny soft hands slowly reach up to itch the itch that never can be itched on your own.

The rest is..........shall we say......History.

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This is a story I wrote for my son @ecoinstant's Pander to Me! Writing Contest

To say I had fun writing this would be a huge understatement. I giggled through the whole writing of the story! For that alone, I already won the best the prize because to me laughter is a priceless gift.

I hope you too if you made it this far also had a chuckle or three.

• All photo's are mine unless otherwise stated.

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Much Love,

Snook

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Please take the time to vote for @enginewitty as a Witness.
He is a man that believes we all should be just who we are.
He goes out of his way to support others that stay true to themselves.
That kind of man I will stand beside any day of the week.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR WITNESSES

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