Finish the story, earn 3 steembasicincome shares! Week #3
“What passes for hip cynical transcendence of sentiment is really some kind of fear of being really human, since to be really human [...] is probably to be unavoidably sentimental and naïve and goo-prone and generally pathetic.”
― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
Dear friends, welcome to the weekly fiction contest where you can earn a minimum of 3 @steembasicincome shares by finishing my short story!
Today's one will be inspired by a random word taken from Infinite Jest, an American literary bestseller which I strongly recommend you, whose universe will both amaze and destabilise you at the same time. Today's seed-word for my beginning is "transcendence".
For those that want to give it a try, here is how this contest works:
1. I write an unfinished fiction story
2. You finish it with a comment in the comment section (relax..no long stuff needed!)
3. I will donate at least 3 @steembasicincome share to one writer with the most interesting ending (I'm the unquestionable judge. Well, technically not me.. the bananafish voices within my head are).
Nothing is mandatory here (but voting is highly appreciated)..Just enjoy and prepare for a trip into my delirious fiction world!
Here's my part of the novel: "Sourdough"
Since the death of his parents, aunt's house had become his refuge, an outpost before the abyss of pain that had suddenly opened before him. Theodore used to live by himself even before the incident, but had slowly resumed visiting the home of she who, during his childhood, had been for him as a second mother. The visits of Aunt Agnes's house had allowed him, during those long days of pain, to maintain a subtle contact with reality. The three young cousins, always ready to fight with each other, the beagle Boufry, perpetually agitated and jumpy, the gruff uncle: that place resembled a fat boiling and mumbling pot. At the same time, with its placid and almost banal daily life, that home was a balm for his soul.
As the months wore on, her aunt's small, thoughtful gestures helped him remember that he could smile for some freshly baked scented bread.
Aunt was very skilled in her new passion: the use of sourdough to bake buns, croissants and bread, lots of bread of all varieties.
Every time Theo went to visit the house, almost at the same time as the festive rush of the little Boufry, he was greeted by an inviting fragrance of savory buns or other bakery products, depending on the time of day. Aunt Agnes was improving fast and would already easily convert an hermit to the pleasures of good food, thanks to her culinary skills. Needless to say that the delicious food, baked thanks to the prodigious and decanted sourdough, was never enough to feed the insatiable mouths of the terrible cousins.
In recent weeks, the house had emptied for several reasons. On the other hand, it was understandable that the boys, now in their twenties, kicked for their independence: the less they were with their parents the better they felt. Even his uncle was rarely seen around, but this meant only a little more attention from the aunt and more chance to taste now the delicious hot and creamed croissants for breakfast, now the inviting rosemary focaccias for lunch or dinner time.
With aunt, Theo used to talk about everything, even though now he too often found himself in conversations about the many qualities of yeast. Poor woman, after all, she deserved a little attention, she who did everything for the others while the rest of the family seemed more and more to live in a hotel where you can return, from time to time, for a change of clothes and a good meal.
On that September day, the house was even quieter than in the past weeks. As he passed through the gate, Theodore prepared himself as usual to dodge the muddy paws of the dog but he noticed Boufry's unusual absence. However, there was that unmistakable scent, which instinctively painted a smile on his face.
"This time we ambush the aunt!", he thought as he walked the pavement around the house, jokingly preparing to enter the house directly from the back, through the kitchen's door.
However, his playful expression soon died in his face when he was gradually shown through the kitchen door's glass the scene of Aunt Agnes, standing in front of the open refrigerator, arms long at the sides.
She had not seen him coming, and how could she in that state? She seemed to be in a hypnotic trance and her eyes were both bulging and absent. Her aunt's lips seemed to utter a litany, while her face was ominously illuminated by the cold light of the fridge. Theodore silently approached closer, now able to add surreal and disturbing details to the scene: the aunt, lost in her alien transcendence, mechanically whispered a sentence.
"The wise use of sourdough creates the conditions in the art of baking for an optimal family fermentation".
From the new angle, Theodore could see the fridge filled with jars overflowing with sourdough.
This time I want to keep it short, let's see what I manage to put out:
Wow, I like the creepy feeling, nice work! Just an FYI. There is one typo, arm is spelled harm
Holy cow.. this is so well written that the sickness of the whole scene sticks on me like if I'm a bird trapped on a viscous paper. I'm telling you, I don't give a damn whether there are 2, 20 or whatever number of people interested in this contest as long as we can all enjoy these beautiful pieces all together. Thank you Marco!
Thank you very much! This kind of typos pass often under my sight.
No problem. :)
As he watched she took out a good sized lump, powdered it good with fresh flour and then stuck it in her armpit and began to work it and form it into a perfect bun, taking it out occasionally to add flour to keep it from sticking to her skin. When it was just right she plopped it down on the baking sheet and then went back to the refrigerator for another lump. So that's why her bread always tasted slightly salty he thought.
LOL your humour took this in an unexpected and fun direction.. better to not use the back door and stay ignorant of secret ingredients!
Hi F3nix, here is my ending, I hope you post yours too. Thanks!
Unexpected turn @giddyupngo! I liked the feelings that you put in your ending.. that's why I like to run this contest, my mind was going on a totally different direction!
Yeah, I thought maybe you were going the alien route, I will be sure to read your ending. Thanks!
Boufry, where was Boufry? That mut always came out and ruined my pants, where could he be, thought Theo.
Aunt Agnes still had not noticed Theo, as he examined her from head to toe, standing in front of the fridge. He noticed two tiny bite marks on her left ankle, with just a drop or two of blood.
Theo placed his hand on Auntie's shoulder and moved her to the chair at the breakfast table. She seemed to glide into place as she sat down. "Where is everybody?" Theo asked.
Still nothing, just a blank look on Agnes's face. Theo heard a bark outside and jumped up to see if it was Boufry. He opened the door and was overcome by a bright light, more blinding than the Sun. Theo tried to shade his eyes, but all he could feel was something biting his left ankle, he looked down and saw Aunt Agnes...wagging her tail.
Yeahhh! You made it Bruni.. I was waiting for your entry dude .. and It's amazing 👍😎 A complete reversal of the narrative elements with an unexpected twist, well done! And in 4 hours avg. I'll post the results. 🐠🍌
You definitely gave us enough time to work on this one. I must admit I read it 3 times on 3 different days and then again this morning. I didn't read the others yet, as I didn't want to be influenced by theirs, but I sure saw some long ones. 😂
You did well. Never read the others. I've a quite crazy one for next Wednesday already hahah..prepare yourself :-P (it doesn't matter how long it is, btw).
That's what she said. 😂
Bwahaha!! Go for the quality 😂
Grazie for both your story and the SBI opportunity F3nix! This time I'll be playing and hoping to win for another freewriter! Sorry that I'm so late to the party! (Next time I'll bring some bread! 😉)
Theo had seen many of his Aunt's sourdough starter jars through the years. They'd been a mainstay on her counters, waiting to be fed the flour, sugar and water that the bacteria needed to grow. The way she had tended to the jars with motherly care had often made him giggle. He'd teased her that she should tuck them in with a blanket and a kiss. Agnes had smiled and been proud to tell of the fact that she'd maintained the original batch. The one she began back when her children first left the home for their schooling.
Aunt Agnes' had been oddly overprotective of the jars. Once, Boufry had knocked into her legs as she'd pulled one from the fridge. It had fallen to the floor, shattering the jar and the sweet disposition of his aunt. That night had been the only time Boufry had been put outside for the night. He remembered Agnes' tears as she swept up the spilled mess of starter, speckled with shards of glass. Then, Theo had that her outburst of anger had been of frustration. But now, with his aunt's trance and the plethora of jars in the fridge, he realized that her obsession was more than a baker's quirk.
Slowly, Theo approached his aunt, repeating her name with each step, with no response from the entranced woman. Coming to a stop next to Agnes, he reached out, gently grabbing her shoulder to turn her away from the cold light of the fridge. Slowly, her eyes moved from the jars of sourdough to the meet with his.
"...Theo...dore..." Aunt Agnes whispered, his name missing her usual loving cadence. Her gaze didn't brighten, didn't seem to register that she was actually seeing her nephew.
"Yeah, Aunt Agnes," Theo softly replied. "It's me. What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
At first, his questions didn't garner a response. Then, haltingly, as if she was a puppet controlled by another, her hand raised up. It wavered for a moment, shaking in front of Theo before lashing out to grip his throat tightly!
Agnes' merciless grip, strong from the years of kneading and lifting that come from baking, was unmovable. Theo struggled, heaving himself backwards and scratching at the hand that was cutting off his air. Nothing was working, nothing was making her budge. Why? It hurt!
Why was she doing this? What had happened to his sweet aunt?
Agnes' other hand, holding a jar of starter, came up. As the speckled darkness ate at his vision, Theo saw that it was open. Inside, the creamy mass began to heave and move, bubbling over the rim of the glass and oozing down his aunt's hand. Her gaze, still alien, was locked on his. Lips parting, she said, her voice cold as steel, "The use of family creates the conditions in the art of baking for optimal sourdough fermentation."
.. that's the way! The beginning was quiet and peaceful but the end was breath taking! Do you agree with me Bris that the sourdough presents a lot of narrative ideas? Oh, btw what do you mean by "winning for another freewriter"? Thanks really to take your time and give us this gem ☺️
Sorry F3nix, I've been all over the place these last few days on here and I need to get my act together and get more organized. I've fallen way behind on so many of my friend's posts! By the way, I read your Concept of Su-Ha-Ri post and just loved that you're going to be writing a series on martial arts! It's great that you pointed out how true learning comes not just from rote repetition of the master's form but from expanding from the base knowledge and forming one's own style!
Bruni is right that your stories set a high bar! That's good though, we seek to reach beyond ourselves and try something new each time we work with someone to finish a story. Besides, it's not as much fun if everyone wins all the time and the contest is too easy! 😉 I say do what you feel is right and play with the formula if it isn't working how you hope. The desired result is to foster the freewriting community and have us all grow closer together as friends isn't it? Just don't forget to have fun yourself!
LOL!! We'd all have a blast with your parody idea! (I'd love to see Omra's light saber, Marco's wand with its new grip, and our hardcore utensils worked in to that plot!) 🤣
Grazie for taking the time to read it (I was really long with this one)! I'm happy that you liked it!! I think that the sourdough invoked lots of creativity with its connections to baking, home, family, history and chemistry. There were many ways for people to carry on from and these replies in the comments are truly inspired!!
My winning for another freewriter meant that, if I won, I'd like to offer up a name of one of our group to have the SBI share. Since I've been lucky enough to win once, I'd like the chance to see if I can do it again for someone else. As to who? I haven't decided yet. I'll probably start randomly picking from our AWESOME encouragers and then move out from there.
Wow there's so much fat stuff to reply to into your message.. and soon I've to call 3d wife and then dedicate to the winners post! I'll try to be concise. I tried with the Suhari martial art post to write something for the joy of writing, disconnected from everything. It got no messages so far and i'm try to understand if I've to be lighter, wrote too much or whatever else lol.. I am quite proud of my martial art banner however, did you like it? :-D I'm really happy that you enjoyed that, I may write again about martial arts if I find interest. There's so much to say and I thing that's a pragmatic approach to spirituality and philosophy // the bar we usually self-set them, that's what I do in life and sometimes I'm wrong because i'm not very indulgent with me in real life.. (maybe I should say..smart..). The story I wrote is a novel i'm satisfied of and will be put in a book, once I decide to stop steemin and start a project the way it deserves hahah..// I'd love to do that parody but please let me impersonate gollum! :-P //Sourdough: i'd add "contamination" to the themes // Ok I did well to ask you because I usually give the prize before the results automatically. Ok let's do this, you tell me the account and i'll divert the pot to him, in case you win ;-) This contest is open to everyone Bris, freewriters or not.. it's important to widen the base and include eveyone IMO, as I think it's a cute way to distribute wealth. Surely the freewrite is my nest, almost as much as our coffins down in the basement.
@ deirdyweirdy if I win, please. Grazie for your responses and I hope you have a good talk with 3D wife! Sorry for the short reply I have to get dinner ready.
Ok both of them to her then? You won btw :-) Don't worry.. I'll DM you about this. Yes Mrs F3nix had to hear some crazy stories I've still to write..poor her :-P
Thank you for your contribution my dear friend, Lady Brisbiant. I want to read it with calm later, tasting it, but I don't want to leave without a comment. I think that this time I made things a bit too difficult and competitive, hence I'll prize everyone in a way (@wonderwop told me I set the bar high and he's right). Still trying to find a good formula to make everyone happy but to keep the challenge. Oh btw...today during shower I thought about a lord of the ring parody for the Old Steemian Home! I was thinking of a four-write between you, @omra-sky, @marcoriccardi and me :-D
Thanks For The Contest! It Was Fun!
Thanks for playing @kephawalks! Very dramatic turn! And finely written, have to say (why the caps? My curiosity..) 👍
Sorry if it's distracting.. Well the real reason is when you are listing a title on ebay you cap every first letter in a word that is in the title. Since i list so many items it stuck! Lol i know it's weird. I have 896 items in my store with at least 500 sold.
"I was really fighting myself as i was posting this not to cap...
You can't teach an old dog new tricks! lol
Curiosity satisfied. Having an eBay store is a hell of a job.. I'm having a hard time selling my 30-40 things, imagine 896 items! Kudos to you.
Lol thanks
Aunt Agnes then fell dead on the kitchen floor.
Theodore made his way inside. Pressing his hand against her neck to find no pulse. Her eyes wide, staring into the abyss.
"Aunt Agnes." Theodore said as if to revive her.
He stood up. Turned to the open refrigerator and repeated the line:
"The wise use of sourdough creates the conditions in the field of bread making for optimal family fermentation."
Suddenly, his body became stiff, his eyes opened wide. The creature became visible. A tiny green alien standing between two jars. The voice clear. Not spoken. More like audio in his mind.
"Now, you must bake bread."
LOL. Thanks. Fun contest.
LOL! The notorious baking green alien strikes again!! I loved the twist and I'm glad you had fun in writing it as much as I had reading 👍