Sharing My Deepest And Darkest Fears [Entry for writing contest by @averageoutsider]

I remember when I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me:

Never let fear be the reason you don't do anything.

Back then, I was too naive and immature to realize what she truly meant by that. I was never really someone who was comfortable with sharing my personal life with anyone else, may it be family or friends, and it started to feel really weird when people asked me how I was doing and I had to lie that I was okay even though I was not as I was thinking of all the worst things that could happen to me.

Even though I've grown out of that phase now, the signs are still clear enough to be noticed. I won't lie, it took me a lot of courage to share this kinda stuff on the internet where I'm completely vulnerable to everyone's judgement. I still have those days when I'll be all by myself in the room in the middle of the night thinking of my future and whether or not will I be able to live the life that I dreamed of.

As I grew up, I overcame my childhood fears but ironically enough, I also developed new ones that I'm going to share with you guys today. I really hope you can relate and empathize with these and look for places where you feel the same way as I do.

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Losing Faith In Love

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The fact alone that a person could be so badly emotionally hurt that they give up on the whole idea of love itself, terrifies me to my very core. I know I might sound like a total wuss right now, especially because guys talking about these stuff isn't really well-received in our society, but it would probably be one of the worst things that could ever happen to me. Investing so much into a person emotionally that you can't even see your life without them once they're gone is like the worst thing ever. Think about it.

Let's say you have been in a very serious and committed relationship with someone for years now, but one day, it all starts to go downhill and the relationship eventually comes to an end, and the history you two built up together over the years is now useless. Even though I'm not the kinda person who believes that there's a "perfect someone" for everyone, I still would want to at least have hope.

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Getting Abandoned

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Being left alone is the only fear of mine that has stayed with me since childhood. When I was a kid, I used to fear that my parents will disown me if I don't behave and do as they say, which sounds really crazy now but to an eight year old, it was like a nightmare. Because of this fear, I always feel the need to have someone personal around me, which is a little ironic because I'm an introvert and adore my occasional isolation.

I know that it's a really wild thought and the chances of it actually happening in real life are almost zero, but it still doesn't stop me from imagining situations where it might come true. It's even worse when you don't know the reason of why you're being abandoned and you're just left wondering about it all by yourself.

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Being Used

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Have you ever made friends that at first seemed like the nicest people in the world, but when they stop receiving what they've been craving to get from your friendship, they suddenly start acting weird and eventually, show their true colors?

This is one of the main reasons why I don't make a lot of friends so quickly, because I fear that the same will happen to me if I'm not careful. Knowing that someone has been with you not because they like who you are, but because of the possessions that you're willing to offer, is just as bad as it sounds.

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Not Living Up To My Full Potential

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There are times when I zone out from the moment and start thinking if twenty or thirty years from now, will I be able to look back at my life and proudly say that I lived my life as best as I possibly could? I mean, what if I had tons of opportunities to live the life I wanted but could never see them until it was too late? What if in the future, I start to regret everything I did today? What if my decisions weren't wise and I could have lived a lot better?

All these questions keep circling in my head from time to time and make me overthink to the point where I have to force myself to stop them.

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Wondering That Our Species Is The Only Intelligent Life In The Universe

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I wanted to save the best one for last but it might be a little complicated to explain because I haven't really seen many people who think this is a big deal. Most people whom I talk to usually don't give a crap about whether or not are we really alone in this universe. I don't know about you guys but I've always been really enthused when it comes to talking about space and extraterrestrial life and all that sci-fi shit.

I have had countless sleepless nights thinking about the future of our kind and if we'll ever get to meet a different intelligent life form sometime in the distant future. But the big question is, if there are actually none, then aren't we just some visitors in this world who will eventually go away forever with all the legacy we left behind eventually fading away too?

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This is my entry for the Pick A Topic Writing Contest under the topic ‘My Fears’ hosted by @averageoutsider.

Thanks for reading!