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7 years ago in #contest by artwatch (63)
$4.64
- Promotion Cost $3.00
- Past Payouts $4.64, 0.00 TRX
- - Author $4.39, 0.00 TRX
- - Curators $0.25, 0.00 TRX
Little Jhonny went to his dad one day and asked him what a vagina looked like.
"Well, that depends, son. Are we talking about before or after sex?" The dad replied.
"I don't know. What's it look like before?" Jhonny asked.
"Like a beautiful pink flower waiting to be opened by the sun." The dad said.
"Ok, what about after?" Jhonny asked.
The dad thought about it for a minute and replied, "You ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?"
A moorish gentleman finds a golden lamp, rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie grants him 3 wishes, without giving it a second thought the gentleman blurts out, "I want to be white, up tight and surrounded by sweet pussy."
He was immediately turned into a tampon.
A man and a woman were having drinks at a business conference when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” “That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?
Every time I try to put my 'finger' in her 'ear, I get slapped.
Are you sure it is your finger?
You may want to note the 'ear too, only one apostrophe was quite planned.
Oh shit one of those jokes - don't make me sound out stuff XP
Rear. 'Ear means rear 🍑
Yes lol I got it lol your into the butt stuff. ;D
She's not, I think that's the only reason. Even though I know the forbidden fruit is in no way sweeter.
A woman wakes up in the morning and feels horny, so she asks her husband to get down on her. He said:
-But honey, you have your period!
-I don't care, I want you to eat me NOW.
So the good husband starts to feast, when the door bell rings.
-I better get that, it might be important, said the husband.
So he rushes to the door, it was the newspaper boy, asking for the monthly subscription pay. A bit startled and embarrassed, the man tries to explain himself to the kid.
-Oh hi kid! You may wonder why I have strawberry jelly on my mouth? Uhumm, I was eating breakfast of course.
The newspaper boy replied:
-No, I was wondering why you have peanut butter on your nose.
Classic :D
I used to tell this joke in high school! I was the dirty jokes king.
...thats just gross :>
haha Can you do better? Could win some SD. Throw your hat in the cock ring...I mean ring
Oh Jeez, I hope this one doesn't upset anyone too much...
**Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball..?
A: Glug-Glug GAG!
Don't hate me ;)
Please son
How do you make a seven year old cry twice?
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Wipe your bloody dick on their favorite teddy bear.
It's like none of you have worked in a kitchen before.
You win bleedpoet.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
oh lord... Is that how you got the name Bleedpoet?
Boo! Of course not. Had it way before that awful joke, it's just the most nsfw joke I know. I just want to see one that tops it.
i'm speechless after the ball sry bro
Should of stopped at the ball like Cinderella then?
Kidding bro,
sandwich money's are coming, just trying to save up enough dough.
hahah, I figured you'd come up with something like that in response. Glad you went there.
And hey Brother no worries. I really do appreciate you sponsoring as much as you already have.
You're also a participant in the contest so really don't feel obligated to donate to it as well, or at least not every week lol.
I'm still working on getting more whale type sponsorship. Not as easy as I had hoped hahah shit. . .
Either zero response or.. zero response lol. Except for Papa, he came through for us!
But this week I'm gonna win, so I want the prize to be HUUUUGE :O
There was once a woman from Nod,
Who thought all good things came from God.
But it wasn't the great and almighty,
Who lifted her nighty,
It was Norman the Mormon by God.
hahaha - yeah that was my first thought too lol
What's the difference between fitting and proper? Well, I could insert my thumb into your asshole....it would fit, but it wouldn't be proper.
Oh Snap.
3 girls applied for a job at a strip club
There was only one job opening
It was a good night and the girls while waiting saw $100 bills on the floor.
Girl no.1 stood up and stepped on one of the bills looked around. Then slowly picked it up and stuffed it in her pocket.
Girl no.2 picked up a bill looked, around and asked if anybody dropped something. No response from anyone then slowly stuffed it in her pocket
Girl no.3 stood up picked up the remaining bills. Looked for the cashier and returned the money
My question is.......... Who got hired for the post?
One who gets it right gets an upvote lol. I'll give out the answer later.
The one who picked up the bills with her vagina?
Lol I like your imagination but that is over the top lol. Answer is the girl with the largest boobs. You made my day bro lol
Guess you've never been to toonie Tuesday at the strip club. That's where the stripper plucks a two dollar coin out of your mouth with her body.
I guess so lol
My 19th birthday party was a blast 😂
A ship full of sailors arrived in Amsterdam. They had a long trip so the captain decided to give the men a day off.
The sailers started roaming the Streets in Amsterdam and three of them arrived at the red light district. They only had thirty Euro to spend, and the hookers didn't do much for it.
Then one man came up to them and told them they could get laid for just ten euro each. Horney as they became from the long seatrip they went to the place the man said and they arrived in a dark motel with closed curtains.
The man behind the desk in the hall told them they could go upstairs, one by one, and they could have their way with the chick laying on the bed.
The first went up and came down after about twenty minutes. He told that the lightswitch didn't work and the hooker was laying already and she didn't say a thing. She was pretty moist though, he added.
The second one went up and the same thing happened.
Then it was the final man's turn and he was up for ten minutes and came down with a shocked face and slime all over him.
What happened man? his friends asked.
I don't know, I started, I came and then the bitch threw all up over me.
They went to the man behind the desk. He turned around and started calling; hey John, you have to empty the corpse, it's full again.
Nasty fun this.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Why dont witches wear underwear?
Cause they get a better grip