DONKEY - constrained writing

in #constrainedwriting3 years ago (edited)

Here he is again. The place he was all too familiar with. The interrogation room. He has been in this position too many times to be intimidated by the lack of light or stale smell of blood. After all, he is not called the "Donkey" for no reason. The honourable title given by inmates to other convicts who never squelled, never mind how beat up they got. He wore the name with pride. He was reliable, and that was probably the only recognition he got in his whole life.


Heavy black door in the corner of the room opened. Two cops came into the room. First one to enter was a tall, young guy. In his late twenties, wearing a nice clean suit, cleanly shaven. "A rookie" Donkey thought "he is probably going to play a good guy, he is still green".

Following the young officer was an older cop, already bald but with a grey goatee. You could see the wear and tear on his face. He has been doing this job for too long.  "Definetly a bad cop, at least now I know who is in charge of the beatings ".

He has been part of the underworld for most of his life, and they are using this basic technique. "Well lets get this show on the roa..."

Before he ws able to finish his sentence he was struck. It was no ordinary punch. It was a full force punch, with nothing held back. And he hit him in the head. They usually don't do that. It leaves bruises in visible places. It took him a second or two to recuperate, and when he finally did, he realized that the young guy was standing in front of him, silent as a grave while the old one was locking the door.


This picture was all wrong. Isn't he supposed to be a good guy. While he was trying to figure out what was happening, a second blow landed, this time right on the nose. These were no professional punches like he was used to. These ones were different. They hurt more. Donkey looked at them realizing, this is going to be something different. Blood was dripping from his nose, while some of the blood was already in his throat. He spat it out than said with a calm voice "This is not my first rodeo kid"

Bald officer stepped up "Stop Alvin, for a second ". The old cop's voice was cracking but he continued on: "You wrote a formal statement to the officer who arrested you that last night you were at a bar, drank a couple of beers and went home alone. However, that’s not how it really happened, is it?"

Donkey remained silent, pretending to be tough. But he sensed something was off, and he didn't like it. There is no way this is about the ATM he cracked open last night.

"I know that you are a donkey but you will die this time if you refuse to talk"- young officer nervously ended the silence. "I swear"

Donkey knew that he meant every word he said. For the first time he was really afraid of the cops. And after only 2 punches. No, it was not because of the punches, it was because both of them had that black glow in their eyes. He saw that pitch black glow before. People have it usually right before comiting cold blooded murder. Will he talk, or is he going to remain a donkey-only thing that he was proud of?

"Lets cut the crap. We found your fingerprints on a crowbar in the ally near the bar. We know you did it"

Donkey now remebered - He opened that ATM with a crowbar, and he just threw it in the dumpster afterwards. Stupid. Leaving clues around like a kid. He must of had couple of beers too many at the bar.

"We know you killed Jesica with that crowbar. Admit it" Old cop was now yelling and spit was flying in Donkey face. He lost his nerves totally.

"What, Jessica? Wait , I have never killed anyone in my entire life. I don't know what are you talking about. I want a lawyer now." Donkey was really afraid now. This has gone too far, he has done nothing valuable with his life but he has never killed anyone.

Loud banging on the other side of the door didn't startle the two cops at all. "Liutenant Kowalski, sergeant Kowalski, open this door right now. Stop what you are doing."

This is not going to end well. Donkey was aware of it even before he was staring down the barrel of the young Kowalski's gun. Young cop asked softly and quietly, almost as if they were friends - "Did you kill my sister?"It doesn't matter what he says now, all that he can do now is to remain true to his reputation. In the end he can proudly say that noone ever broke good old Donkey.

His question went unanswered because the door finally gave way to that loud banging noise. At the same moment that the door went down dozen officers swarmed the small room. Soon both Kowalskis were on the ground pinned under a mount of police uniforms. But the cavalry was too late. Of course they were. Cops never actually did anything nice for an old criminal. His eyes were closing fixed on a smoking gun. Hmm, funny it was the father's gun. He was indeed the bad cop. They really played that old routine on him.

This is my entry for the contest. Thank you @svasta for organizing this contest.

Hvala svim prijateljima sa #steemitbalkan koji citaju moje postove, znan da znaju bit dugi i naporni. Svaka Vam cast ako uspijete izdrzat do kraja :)

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Dobra prica. Bilo mi je ful napeto dok nisam cula Kowalski. Onda sam zamislila da je policajac pingvin iz Madagaskara. Upropastili me crtici.

Hahaha. Nije mi mala od pingvina pa neman pojma. Inspiracija mi je vise bija sipowitz iz NY plavaca. Tija san neko takvo prezime

bas fino sto ima nasih ljudi na steemitu :D

Well that was an unexpected ending!

Really, what did you find most unexpecting. I actually wanted to create an interesting series of events and how criminals sense of pride and distorted sense of view explain all of it

I thought that Donkey getting shot was unexpected. Typically, someone swoops in and saves the day. It was a very interesting series of events. Donkey does come across prideful in the beginning and he knows what to expect. Even though he knew what to expect, I don't think he was expecting to die. You don't give too many details on Jessica, but you hint at what had possibly taken place, so that definitely leaves the reader guessing. Now both of the officers get to see what it's like to sit on the other side of that interrogation table. I also liked the description you used "silent as a grave". That was really good.

Thank you. I am glad you liked it

I am glad you liked it. It would be nice to see a review of my own story. I am glad you see it as worthy of a review.

Great story! I found it easy as a reader to buy into the premise that this was no ordinary police encounter but was rather something of a more immediate and urgent nature. I am impressed by how you presented that premise in a natural and non-forced manner of believability but still within a short amount of words.

Thank you. I've tried my best

Opalac, kul priča skroz, a vidim da se i upecalo nešto u mreži oborite ribe :D

Upa je obor. Lipo je to za vidit, a posebno kad ljudi napisu nesto pozitivno za tvoju pricu. Jos kad bi uspija napisat nesto kvalitetno u fantasy zanru, kojeg preferiran, ali nisan se jos okurazija.. Jos kad bi uspija napisat nesto kvalitetno u fantasy zanru, kojeg preferiran, ali nisan se jos okurazija.

znam da obojica pričamo balkanski, ali... I'll stick to English. :P

I love how you developed all three characters. Especially "Donkey". Him trying to live up to his reputation really made us realize that was all he had. Because it indeed is all you have on the streets. Reputation.
Lose that, and you lose your head.

No matter if he did indeed kill Jessica or not, this is a really, really, really cool story that I am very happy to have read.
You more than deserve the curie vote you got!

Thank you very much for your entry!

(Also, just to edit a typo: "We know you killed Jesicawith that crowbar. Admit it", there's a space missing there ;P)

Thank you for the compliments. I am using my mobile phone so I make a lot of mistakes, or I wanted to say he was so emotional and mad that he was talking too fast. Haha. But seroiusly, I am glad story shows that people cling on to what is important to them.

you WROTE this on your phone?
Kudos to you. Nothing else I can say.

Yes. Because my only free time is at night, when everyone in the family is on the PC besides me. And I am out of home also due to the nature of my job, so only alternative I have is my phone. :( But I manage somehow

I hope you strike it big enough on the STEEM blockchain to buy yourself a decent laptop. if not 2... or several. :D
I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much. I'l keep posting for this contest. I salute you for encouraging others to release their creative side. I ve been thinking a long time about it, but before i discvored steemit I always postponed it due to other obligations. So, thank you.

I will be very happy to read your future entries!
And I thank you again for what you've written here! I'm very happy you didn't postpone this one ;D

Wow, such build up.

I like these two lines best:

In the end he can proudly say that noone ever broke good old Donkey.

But the cavalry was too late. Of course they were. Cops never actually did anything nice for an old criminal.