The OFFICIAL @hanshotfirst SOLO Movie Prep Comedy CONTEST - Comedy Open Mic Week 14 Entry 1
Calling ALL COMedians!
I heard that some movie called SOLO will be coming out on Friday. I figure that @hanshotfirst might be acting like a kid on Christmas Eve all week, with this being his Super Bowl and all. I hope that watching the trailers for weeks hasn't worn him out too much.
I wonder how he's doing...
I heard that he pre-ordered movie tickets for Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday night, and all day Sunday. He might go on Saturday afternoon if he can get out of watching his kid's school play.
Unsurprisingly, this is just the start.
Here's his upcoming movie and Geeky Guy's review checklist:
- Custom pair of SOLO 3D glasses +backup pair if a lens get smudged (check)
- Anti-blood clot compression socks (check)
- Smelling salts if dozing off (check)
- Energy bars and extra popcorn butter (check)
- Arrive at theater 12 hours early (pending)
- No liquids 3 hours before each movie (pending)
- A dozen takeout menus by laptop (check)
- Call out of work on Friday and Monday (pending)
- Case of beer in the fridge (check)
- Han Solo themed babysitters booked (check)
This guy is serious...
Instead of taking a big swing for a one-off punchline joke, I thought this would be a good time for a contest where everyone can get involved...
CONTEST:
Provide up to two entries with ORIGINAL jokes about how @hanshotfirst is spending this week desperately waiting/prepping for Friday night, or his movie review. Pics and gifs are ok, but you'll need to add original punchline material.
At post payout, I'll award the top 4 people. (1st = 4 SBD, 2nd = 3 SBD, 3rd = 2 SBD, 4th = 1 SBD)
***@hanshotfirst has beyond generously donated 20 STEEM to the prize pool to be distributed in equal proportion as the SBD.
- I'll also upvote each winner 100% twice on their next 2 blog posts.
- BONUS: 100% upvote to the "First Shot" who personally makes me laugh out loud first.
It's been a rough last 7 days on the family health side, so let's see how the Force and some COM humor can help.
Well then, I'll have to leave it up to you humor experts to cheer me up...
Here I go again with another contest within a contest.
COM noms: @bentheredonethat & @steemmike
Ready, Set, GO!
@steemmatt
In preparation for the movie, @hanshotfirst, will refuse to watch it. He won't watch it this weekend or any other weekend. He will indeed shoot anyone who dares to bring up spoilers before they are able to. His plans and thusly three fold.
Plans:
The First Fold: Go to gym daily and eat healthily. get into such good shape that he is able to survive until the year 2100 in good condition, at which point they will bring out an immortal pill which he will commence to take with gusto. Even going so far as to have a secret stash of pills should they ever ban the magical pills.
Fold The Second: Live long enough that space travel and time travel become a real thing. Go to his local video store and steal a copy of the Solo movies (Solo, Han Solo, Han Solo Bla Bla, and the most infamous of them all Something Something Han Solo). With these copies in hand he will proceed to use superior age, percieved frailty and knownledge of the force (he became a cyborg in 2080 so he can now use the force), to steal and time machine and go back in time. A time long, long ago, to a galaxy, not unlike this one.
Third Fold, The: He will find his younger self, kidnap himself, take himeself to a dark alley and watch himself watch the movies as he remembers watching the movies as a kid and thus fueling his desire to call himself @hanshotfirst.
We all know the movies are always better when we're kids.
Should you decide this entry is worthy of a prize, please instead distribute it at random to another commentor
Ha. The funniest part of this was Fold The Second and Third Fold, The. Nice.
Cloning himself in the future to be able to watch the movie over and over at the same time could also be an option worth considering.
Could he also come back in time and tell us to get into crypto in 2011?
@hanshotfirst is prepping for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights by buying out all the seats in every show, leaving the cinema completely barren par himself.
I think he should let one employee stay to handle the food vendor station and hitting the play button over and over, right?
Nah, it might ruin the authenticity, don't want some greasy teen bringing you more popcorn just when it's getting good.
I don't think that @hanshotfirst is dedicated enough. How can we trust that he won't drink 3 hours before the movie? Does it mean zero liquids during as well so as to not go to the bathroom? He's going to get thirsty.
Here's an idea
Something that's clearly missing from his checklist is a pee bag & catheter. Get it installed and he can drink throughout.
Might want to use an extra-large bag
I'm way ahead of you. I bought one of each just in case.
I was certain I had stumped you. How do I know you didn't buy them after I mentioned it? You know, like one of those "his idea is great, let me make it my own" situations.
I'm on to you
Damn it. Spot on. It's almost standard issue. I was actually going to add that, but it's a bit of a sensitive topic for me to kid about given recent events. Better you said it than me.
Wow I did not consider that. Does it make it funnier or more insensitive?
He is immunizing with various poisons in increasing dosages throughout the week so he can build tolerance against the full brunt of a potentially toxic bomb of a movie.
We'll see.
And if all else fails, he's got an epi-pen.
@Hanshotfirst has six sleeping bags each kept in strategic locations of every cinema within a 1000 mile radius
Who can sleep? Too excited.
*Star Wars sleeping bags.
Although I might feel better if the prize were a little bigger.
How about we add 20 to it in honor of the number of times I will see the movie in the first week.
The good side of The Force in action. Many, many thanks.
But he doesn't watch trailers and have customized his PC to filter any Film Theory, reddit and subreddit mentions of any kind of Solo material.
All spoiler friends have been murdered in their sleep and the school film geek chained to the Audio Visual room with several bags of doritos, some mountain dew and a bucket for attempting to talk to him about his theory on Solo.
Since he is not 100% bad he left him a USB full of the prequels (1-3), the last Jedi and to keep him sane a copy of Space Balls as well (see he is only 50% bad the rest is rogue)
He then watches the show on Friday night so close to the screen he can literally touch it but he doesn't care and thinks it adds another dimension to hos film viewing experience.
Watches On Saturday afternoon after ditching his kids play on account of fake stomach ache and goes home smiling and decides to watch it again tomorrow.
Sunday he is the first in the cinema and right in the middle of the film suddenly felt rumbling in his stomach, it seems he is Force Sensitive on all the energy bars and buttered popcorn he ate and he needs to push the Force out, but its the most important part of the show so goes he must, worry doesn't he and all the pesky kids and parents run away from the theater leaving him to the movie he has waited for since he first watched Star Wars as a kid with his dad.
Ha. This response went from great to awesome with the imagery of your last scene in the theater. Applause.
The reality is, it has been a very easy wait for our faithful Star Wars junkie @hanshotfirst. In fact, he decided long ago that he would not even remotely take a chance that he would have this moment ruined by spoilers of any sort. This along with knowing that he could not bear to wait forced him to take drastic measures. He had always been prepared for this moment but was unsure when it would arrive. The instant the SuperBowl trailer was aired and he saw a glimmer of it, the television was shut off and he made his way to the garage where he put his plan into action. His family knew what to do and immediately took charge of their posts. @hanshotfirst would be taking a little hiatus.
Source
He has been safe and free of worry about any spoilers for almost 4 months now. He took a sabbatical from work before entering the carbon chamber and his family has been keeping up the facade here on Steemit that he is still going about his regular affairs.
He will be transported to the theatre this weekend where he has booked the entire cinema to himself for the entire weekend. At that moment and that moment alone will he be released from his carbonite prison and straight into the awaiting recliner theatre chair.
Source
He will spend two days listening to the film over and over. Taking everything in with only his sense of hearing and on the third day when his vision returns he will experience the movie in a way that no one could ever imagine.
Enjoy @hanshotfirst. Well played!!!
Damn man. This is a great response. I'd say that there is a great than 0% chance that this is true, which means it's a fact.
Got me with the sense of hearing/vision part.
Very funny news and interesting contests.
Maybe I should video call with @hanshotfirst to inquire how to get past all that.
Ha ha
imagesource
Is this the Millennium Falcon's audio-visual ray stabilizer mechanism?
Yeah you're right, but this has a facial editing function, women can be made bearded, and can turn normal people into crazy.
And this is Batman's masterpiece when she wears Pink's custum
Bu ha ha
Let me know about @harnshotfirst i knew about him he is a self proclaimed scaredy cat. he is seriously the biggest wimp in the world when it comes to watching scary movies.biggest digger is he want to meet with me and he is coming in my hut..
His backward week is spended look like a cat who is eating faster his food