Claustrophobia (Comedy Open Mic Round 13)

I was nominated by the great @mineopoly to write something for the Comedy Open Mic 12 contest. Some of the funniest things are the things that happen from day to day. The incident you are about to read happened last week. Enjoy!

_^Source

It was a weekday like any other. I'm doing my thing, got done with work for the day and decided to get a few things from the store to cook dinner. I go to my room, shut the door, and get myself ready. I get back to the door and turn the knob, it won't open. Hmmm I don't think I locked it. I turn the lock to the locked position, then unlock and turn the knob...nothing. I repeat this action quite a few times with the same result. Panic starts setting in as I realized I am really locked in my room. My son is down the hall in his room getting himself ready to leave with his music blaring. The following takes place in the time span of about 45 minutes. Just picture a door with me trapped on one side and on the other side....FREEDOM!!

Knock Knock Knock Helloooo. Help me! I'm locked in my room!

_{A couple seconds pass...}

Knock Knock Knock Helllooooooo. I'm locked in my roooooom! Help!!

_{Another couple of seconds pass, and this time with a little more aggression...}

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK HELLLOOOOOOO!!! HELP!!!! I'M LOCKED IN MY ROOOOM!!! PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!!!!!

_{Finally, I hear my son's voice...}

The son: Hey, what happened?

Monch: I don't know, I'm locked in, I can't get out!

What's the problem? You're always in your room anyway.

_{If looks could open the door, the look on my face would have been the magical expression...}

Boy, just help me open the door! Don't get snippy with me, I will hurt you!

Yes, from behind the door. Go take a nap!

_{I stuttered a bit...}

J-J-Just wait till I get outta this room!

You want me to go get the WD40?

Well I'm not really sure how that will help but sure.

_{A couple of seconds pass, I hear him spraying the crap out of the doorknob...}

Woah Son, I think that's enough!

Shit, now it's slippery!

Well DUH it's WD40!

I guess you really wanna take a nap huh?!

NOOOO Don't leave me!!!

You don't have any credit cards in there?

No, I don't think so, let me check.

I'll go get my driver's license.

_{A couple seconds pass, he slides the license under the door...}

Here, try that.

_{I grab the license, slide it in the crack of the door and start pushing the thingie that goes in the door frame (I don't know what that's called...please feel free to educate) I am failing and the only thing happening is I'm ruining his driver's license. I slide the license back under the door...}

Yeah, that don't work like it does on tv!

_{I start searching for a screwdriver, I find one and decide to take the doorknob off (yes, I have some tools in my room)...}

I'm just gonna take the doorknob off.

_{I unscrew the screws, take my side of the doorknob off...}

Ok, son, take the doorknob off on your side, then maybe we can just take this little thingie out.

_{He starts pulling and asks...}

What thingie?

The thingie that goes in and out of the door frame, that holds the door shut...just pull the doorknob!!

_{He pulls and pulls but the pin seems to be stuck...}

Let me go get a hammer.

_{I start looking around my room for anything I can find. I stumble upon a small crescent wench. He comes back with the hammer and starts prying trying to break it loose. Meanwhile, I'm beating on the other side with the wrench thinking I'm helping...}

I don't think this is working.

_{After a loud noise, I see the hall light shining through the hole, the knob is gone but the pin is still there...}

Shit, I broke it!

I don't care! I will get another doorknob, I'm getting out of this damn room!

_{I start prying with the screwdriver, he starts prying with the hammer, the thing will not turn to release the door. It is stuck and not budging...}

You want me to call daddy?

_{I put my mouth by the hole in the door...}

No, son! It's a freaking doorknob!! We can get it!! I'm not calling him for a freaking doorknob!!

_{We start prying and beating and frustration is starting to set in, I'm sticking the screwdriver forcefully through the hole trying to break the thing loose...}

You know you've done stabbed me like five times with that thing?!?!

Oh I'm sorry move your hand out of the way!

You should just give up and take a nap and wait for daddy to get home.

I am going to beat you if you keep messing with me. I will get out of this room one way or another!

_{Then it hit me, the screwdriver in my hand was small enough to knock the pins out of the hinges. I start hammering at the screwdriver with the wrench and I see the pin start to emerge...}

What are you doing now?

Keep doing what you're doing, I'm trying something.

_{The first pin is out! I can almost taste freedom!! And I have this crazy urge to strangle my son. I stick the screwdriver in the other hinge and start knocking out the other pin. The second pin is out!! Now it would have been easier to ask my son to push the door with the way the hinges are, but no...he can't know what I'm doing. I pry on the side of the door opposite the doorknob and it starts to fall toward me. I grab it and realize that it's lighter than I thought it would be. The look on my son's face was priceless; like a deer in headlights. He takes off running and with the door in hand, I chase after him. He gets to his room, shuts and locks the door.}

You better lock yourself in your room. Next time I see you I'm punching you in the throat!

You gonna take my door off the hinges too? hahaha

Keep digging son, You're asking for it!!

Go take a nap woman!

_{I gave up, I had nothing left, just violence.... he won. This time.}

The rules of this contest by @comedyopenmic require me to nominate 2 people. In the spirit of following the rules, I nominate @angelacs and @andysantics48, tickle my funny bone ladies!!

I hope you enjoyed what I thought was a pretty funny story.
Thanks for stopping by y'all!!