Claustrophobia (Comedy Open Mic Round 13)

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago (edited)

I was nominated by the great @mineopoly to write something for the Comedy Open Mic 12 contest. Some of the funniest things are the things that happen from day to day. The incident you are about to read happened last week. Enjoy!

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It was a weekday like any other. I'm doing my thing, got done with work for the day and decided to get a few things from the store to cook dinner. I go to my room, shut the door, and get myself ready. I get back to the door and turn the knob, it won't open. Hmmm I don't think I locked it. I turn the lock to the locked position, then unlock and turn the knob...nothing. I repeat this action quite a few times with the same result. Panic starts setting in as I realized I am really locked in my room. My son is down the hall in his room getting himself ready to leave with his music blaring. The following takes place in the time span of about 45 minutes. Just picture a door with me trapped on one side and on the other side....FREEDOM!!

Knock Knock Knock Helloooo. Help me! I'm locked in my room!

A couple seconds pass...

Knock Knock Knock Helllooooooo. I'm locked in my roooooom! Help!!

Another couple of seconds pass, and this time with a little more aggression...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK HELLLOOOOOOO!!! HELP!!!! I'M LOCKED IN MY ROOOOM!!! PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!!!!!

Finally, I hear my son's voice...

The son: Hey, what happened?

Monch: I don't know, I'm locked in, I can't get out!

What's the problem? You're always in your room anyway.

If looks could open the door, the look on my face would have been the magical expression...

Boy, just help me open the door! Don't get snippy with me, I will hurt you!

Yes, from behind the door. Go take a nap!

I stuttered a bit...

J-J-Just wait till I get outta this room!

You want me to go get the WD40?

Well I'm not really sure how that will help but sure.

A couple of seconds pass, I hear him spraying the crap out of the doorknob...

Woah Son, I think that's enough!

Shit, now it's slippery!

Well DUH it's WD40!

I guess you really wanna take a nap huh?!

NOOOO Don't leave me!!!

You don't have any credit cards in there?

No, I don't think so, let me check.

I'll go get my driver's license.

A couple seconds pass, he slides the license under the door...

Here, try that.

I grab the license, slide it in the crack of the door and start pushing the thingie that goes in the door frame (I don't know what that's called...please feel free to educate) I am failing and the only thing happening is I'm ruining his driver's license. I slide the license back under the door...

Yeah, that don't work like it does on tv!

I start searching for a screwdriver, I find one and decide to take the doorknob off (yes, I have some tools in my room)...

I'm just gonna take the doorknob off.

I unscrew the screws, take my side of the doorknob off...

Ok, son, take the doorknob off on your side, then maybe we can just take this little thingie out.

He starts pulling and asks...

What thingie?

The thingie that goes in and out of the door frame, that holds the door shut...just pull the doorknob!!

He pulls and pulls but the pin seems to be stuck...

Let me go get a hammer.

I start looking around my room for anything I can find. I stumble upon a small crescent wench. He comes back with the hammer and starts prying trying to break it loose. Meanwhile, I'm beating on the other side with the wrench thinking I'm helping...

I don't think this is working.

After a loud noise, I see the hall light shining through the hole, the knob is gone but the pin is still there...

Shit, I broke it!

I don't care! I will get another doorknob, I'm getting out of this damn room!

I start prying with the screwdriver, he starts prying with the hammer, the thing will not turn to release the door. It is stuck and not budging...

You want me to call daddy?

I put my mouth by the hole in the door...

No, son! It's a freaking doorknob!! We can get it!! I'm not calling him for a freaking doorknob!!

We start prying and beating and frustration is starting to set in, I'm sticking the screwdriver forcefully through the hole trying to break the thing loose...

You know you've done stabbed me like five times with that thing?!?!

Oh I'm sorry move your hand out of the way!

You should just give up and take a nap and wait for daddy to get home.

I am going to beat you if you keep messing with me. I will get out of this room one way or another!

Then it hit me, the screwdriver in my hand was small enough to knock the pins out of the hinges. I start hammering at the screwdriver with the wrench and I see the pin start to emerge...

What are you doing now?

Keep doing what you're doing, I'm trying something.

The first pin is out! I can almost taste freedom!! And I have this crazy urge to strangle my son. I stick the screwdriver in the other hinge and start knocking out the other pin. The second pin is out!! Now it would have been easier to ask my son to push the door with the way the hinges are, but no...he can't know what I'm doing. I pry on the side of the door opposite the doorknob and it starts to fall toward me. I grab it and realize that it's lighter than I thought it would be. The look on my son's face was priceless; like a deer in headlights. He takes off running and with the door in hand, I chase after him. He gets to his room, shuts and locks the door.

You better lock yourself in your room. Next time I see you I'm punching you in the throat!

You gonna take my door off the hinges too? hahaha

Keep digging son, You're asking for it!!

Go take a nap woman!

I gave up, I had nothing left, just violence.... he won. This time.

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The rules of this contest by @comedyopenmic require me to nominate 2 people. In the spirit of following the rules, I nominate @angelacs and @andysantics48, tickle my funny bone ladies!!

I hope you enjoyed what I thought was a pretty funny story.
Thanks for stopping by y'all!!

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Welcome to the land of tomorrow!

Ok, just #comedyopenmic for now... but one day we'll be in the future and then you'll see it's actually tomorrow after all.

Hahahaha... thank you so much!! Happy to be a part of the future of tomorrow club!! Wait... is that right?? Yeah thats right!!! Maybe ... lol thank you

This is great writing @monchichi23. Somehow it sounds like a matter of fact event and that's what makes it funny. Thanks for participating in #comedyopenmic. You won't regret it and I got a laugh reading your story. I can definitely relate.

Thank you @mineopoly, and thanks for the challenge as well... I'm glad that I made you laugh as you have made me laugh over these past couple of months. Hmmm maybe I can be funny lol... who would have thunk it!! Haha

You are a natural because you have life experience. :)

Hahaha I love it!!! You're so funny :D

Lol thanks Andy... and why getting locked in a room freaking funny as hell... I just dont know... laugh at my pain hahaha

hahahahahahahaha this was even funnier the second time i heard it!!!!!!!!!!!! you're a great storyteller @monchhichi23 hehehehehe had me giggling even more LOLOLOL

i can imagine the deer in the headlights LOL

Lol, I'm glad you enjoyed it Dreemie. And I wish I would have had my camera pointed at his face, if I would have had another hand, trust me that face would have been all over this post lol

hahahahahahahahahahaah i can just imagine!!! SHOCK!

NOT A CLUE what you were doing in there hahahahahaa

@monchhichi23, you are hilarious!

I would not want to be on the opposite side of an argument with you if you had a screwdriver and wrench in your hands! ;)

And what the heaven is it with males telling women to 'go take a nap'???? Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh!!!!

I'm soooo sorry, Mon... I do not do comedy. Can't. Really.
ROFL.

I truly think you and @andysantics48 are going a little crazy with this nominating business. First her with her 'LOVE' post and now you with your 'open mic comedy'.

Is it her craziness rubbing off on you or the other way 'round????

ORRRRR is it @dreemsteem's epic crazy affecting us y'all generally? ;)

Lol @angelacs I'm all bark and no bite. No need ro worry. Unless of course I get locked in my room. And as far as the men... most of them just don't know how to handle us and that's the best they can come up with!! Lol just so you know nominating you means we love you lol... and yes it's all @dreemsteem's fault ... thats my story and I'm sticking to it lol

ROFL @monchhichi23 So you say re bark/bite. I'll wait to hear what hubby and son say. ;)

And as far as the men... most of them just don't know how to handle us and that's the best they can come up with!!

SOOOO truuuuuuuue!!! ;)

hmmm... nomination = love. Now THAT sounds like a good line. ;) And yes, let's just blame @dreemsteem. She can't force us to walk the plank until the summer, so we should be safe. ;)

You're lucky not to be locked in the bathroom.
Ha ha.
Your post is very funny,
thank you

Lol, glad you got a laugh, I know I sure did ... thank you @armiaaceh

Haha funny but a bit worrying , if I was your son I would sleep with one eye open considering the amount of "random tools" you have in your room. What are they for? I am pretty sure that is not what is meant with hardware for him and her.

No need to be worried @penderis... I know it may be weird to you for us to have "random tools" in our bedroom, but I am very glad that they were in there because if not, I might still be locked in!!! Hahaha Hardware for him and her can mean soooo many things!! Lol

great story. that was enjoyable. i think i just would have took a nap.

Thank you @buttcoins... lol.. I probabaly should have but for some reason not being able to get out bothered me, I don't know why... lol.. if it happens again, I think a nap it will be haha

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