ICO Announced- Initial Crap Offering- Datecoin - Comedy open mic round 5

in #comedyopenmic7 years ago (edited)

ICO-Initial Crap Offering

This is a piece of noir fiction. It is a satirical commentary on society.If you feel offended after reading this kindly go and cry to @idikuci’s mom.

Presenting Datecoin

As the name suggests this helps one rich person date one pretty person.

We have separate bounties for men and women. The coin will be airdropped proportionate to the stakes you get.

MEN

For every $1000 in your bank account - 1 stake

For every bitcoin you have - 8 stakes

Rich parents who love you-2 stakes

Rich parents who hate you- 1 stake

Investment bankers - 1 stake but please clear the captcha.

Doctors- 2 stakes

Asian Doctors- Ask your mom
Sports persons- Ask your wife and the other girlfriend

Politicians- Ask the mother of your 4 children

Actors-Approach your babysitter for more details

Hot Pool guys/male models/popstars- 100 stakes

Satoshi Nakamoto-10000 stakes

Guy who views women as his equal- 0.5 stakes

Good hearted stable nerds -

pic source

WOMEN

Based on how pretty you are on a scale of 1-10 according to our thoroughly objectified index-
1-10 stakes

Additional make-up- 2 stakes

Plastic surgery-
Lips- 1 stake
Boobs-300 stakes
Ass- 300 stakes ( we don’t discriminate)
Boobs and ass- Marry me! You’ll get half the tokens

Dress size 0-1- 2 stakes

Low self-esteem- 200 stakes

Can make a sandwich - 300 stakes
Can pour beer- 3000 tokens

Some roasting

I have previously roasted the judges. But it’s not fun anymore. I like a challenge. So it’s time for the spornsors (you read that right)

Trafalgar- I can roast trafalgar because he can’t read without his wife’s position. He might not see this.

Traf’s into S&M with the old balls and chain.

Traf’s cat so fat his Mama is jealous

Traf’s asian dad disowned him because his blood group is B+

Traf’s wife beats him often……………………….…………...at “pictionary”

Traf’s mom is in the endangered tiger species list of WWF

Traf’s mom once said I love you, but she was looking at his brother’s report card.

@Punchline once met George on 22 June 2008. George did not survive that meeting.

Punchline’s 8 year old spends 5 minutes a day to make his posts

Punchline uses all the time not spent working hard on his blog playing lotto with 80-year old women

Punchline will not get this pun.

@nonameslefttouse is canadian who steals art from the kindergarten class, he teaches.

@nonameslefttouse recently discovered the canadian national sport - vacuuming.

@nonameslefttouse was booted out of Canada because he forgot to say please to his wife before sex.

@nonameslefttouse lucked out in the love department. She breathes.

@nonameslefttouse paints naked, That is not for roasting. It is so that you can picture it the next time you see his blog

@nonameslefttouse’s work has great lines………………………...of cocaine.

@nonameslefttouse’s would be the greatest art and meme judge for COM……..but he didn’t renew his museum membership

@nonameslefttouse’s such a big supporter of COM…..his support cup size is HHH

@nonameslefttouse’s went to art school to score weed……..and now paints grass

@nonameslefttouse also roasts along with his art career.Coffee. Yo Barista, you spelt my name wrong!

I nominate @meno and @pechichimena to make a funny song. These guys are from the music open mic

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I'll need to resort to some roofiecoins

Also, do you think Ohad can help with my ICO she asks anxiously

C'mon I expect a 'burn'ing roast for me :P

Haha the roasting here is top class ! Looking forward to see any comebacks :)

I haven't had my coffee yet.

Is it alright if I just smile and nod? I have to get back to these noisy fucking kids. My little crypto miners. No, it's not a sweatshop. They're learning.

This post was like my vacuum. It sucked.

We don't say please in Canada, we say sorry, and that's why I'm divorced.

If she's still breathing, thanks for the heads-up. I'll go finish the job now.

I don't paint naked. I take my clothes off and then roll around in glitter and glue. I call myself Mr. Sparkles and then I get down to work.

That's not cocaine. Honest. I got ripped off again.

I usually hate memes. Just sayin.

My cup size would be 'big gulps' if COM didn't make me sift through so many shit memes.

I didn't go to art school. I didn't even go to school school.

I'm the greatest artist in the world!

and.... lick my balls.


Thanks for doing this post. @dj123 let me know about it, which I'm grateful for, because I would have missed the show. Thanks again @diebitch.

Is it alright if I just smile and nod? I have to get back to these noisy fucking kids. My little crypto miners. No, it's not a sweatshop. They're learning.

This post was like my vacuum. It sucked.

I don't paint naked. I take my clothes off and then roll around in glitter and glue. I call myself Mr. Sparkles and then I get down to work.

I'm the greatest artist in the world!
and.... lick my balls.

bwahahah...... lick his balls @diebitch, damn nice comebacks.....golly we need todo COM: Roast for Charity <-- that's diebitch's idea to raise funds for Amir's charity:

go read this https://steemit.com/life/@amirtheawesome1/amirified-the-story-behind-the-safe-house-for-creativity-blog-7

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Let me hop in on the roasts
@punchline puts the funny in " It's funny how lame this is"
90% of @nonameleftouse's steem income goes to the 4 years-old doing his paintings.

Also a side lame pun

@diebitch got the inspiration for her name after she misunderstood her boyfriend when he suggested she changes her hair color.

not bf amir the awesome! it's husbandry for @diebitch

You see that kangaroo below.....yup he sits in her pouch

If it took my eight year old more than 3 minutes to come up with the garbage I post, I'd let Trafalgar babysit them.

traffy actually sounds like a candy a pedo would use :P

Datecoin is the first currency you can slip into a drink.

That'll be after the hard fork

Hello! I find your post valuable for the art community! Thanks for the great post! ARTzone is now following you! ALWAYs follow @artzone and the artzone tag, and support our artists!

That was really good! Your roasting technique is quite good! :-)

What about half alien half mexican stoner musicians? All the stakes?

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