Comedy Open Mic Round 11 - Entry 2 -Part 1
Based on unpopular demand, Agony Girl is back. I want to help me to help you. My therapist says it's good for my er development or some s#it.
So please ask any question that is bothering you
Is it
- Your dog is always drunk
- Your husband wears your panties
- The rats in your house have revolted
- You're @negativer
- You're good at being bad, but you like it
- You have bad ties with Russia
The list continues, you get the gist...
I implore you, ask funny questions and get twisted answers. I'll also send you the 0.001 sbd I earn score from bot promoters sending me long messages which I never read.
People who ask inappropriate questions, will be flagged ( I'll run after them in real life with a flag).
You can be completely anonymous if you want to.
Do you have a bad career?
Got kicked in the rear?
Constipation is severe?
Wife stole you beer?
Don't worry, it'll get worse
Agony Girl is here!!!
Okay, so 5 years ago I took this girl out on a date, we went for dinner and I paid. She was a feminist and insisted that in interest of fairness she’d pay next time we’re on a date. However, the date didn’t go well and we didn’t have a second one. How do I get her to pay for my food now ?
Dear Agony Person,
I have a secret crush on someone on steemit. I also talk to this person sometimes on Discord. But whenever I do, she is mean to me and makes fun of me. Sometimes she makes me cry. I am also not sure she's a she, and I feel this is important. I'm confused about everything now.
Halp.
Turns out someone made you gay for them. It happens, just enjoy the "ride".
My girlfriend said she's willing to get married as soon as someone proposes.
Why is "someone" in itallic? Is that a hint? Should I pay someone to propose yo her? I really want her to get married and be happy :)
hahaha that you are evil.
I think you are a standup guy, who really cares about the happiness of someone you love. I think it would help if the someone who proposed was also super rich and never around. Seekingarrangments.com could be a great place for you to start, and any girl would be awe struck by the work it took to you find her a solid sugar daddy. You might even get a non-holiday blowie out of it, but don't say you heard it from me- don't need the girl tribe knowing I've been leaking secrets ;)
Is @someone on Steemit? That’s a good place to find someone and ask him/her to fulfill your girlfriend’s marriage dream.
Preferably a whale
Hello agony girl , it's me the guy with the acoholic pet problems , btw , he says hi , he's still staying at my house since my friend seems to have dissapeared , doesn't call back or anything so .. We are kind of buddies now .. thanks for your help last time!
He seems to have calmed a lot ( maybe the fact that I give hime medical marijuana and put rivotril in his drinks help , but i'm not sure... )
Anyways that's NOT my concern now...
Two days ago we went for camping with some friends to some nice area i'm not revealing , one of the first advices I got was that in order to survive I needed to have enough firewood for the whole trip since winter is approaching we need it to cook and also to keep warm. So I went out and bought ''the best firewood'' I could get and was sold these rather odd looking ones but since the seller was very convincing I just went with it , you know with all the technologic boom and such..
Now , they don't have seem to come with instructions and I haven't been able to light a single one of them , I am starting to get worried .. since we have raw food and the temperature is dropping heavily ... Luckily I got some Wi-Fi by climbing up this tree , now .. I'm also afraid to go down .. and I think I am starting to suffer some hypothermia ... I quite desperate here.. so please , could you please help me how to use one of these ''modern firewood'' .. my life kind of depends on it..
Thank you agony girl , you are my hero .
Yours truly
Pechiche Mena
Why are women always the ones who should have hormonal problems? I'm like that, and my boyfriend always gets the worst part because he does not know how to treat me or knows when I'm in a good mood or bad mood. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, but he says that this is going to help me.
Dear Agony gurl,
I'm in love with my neighbors wife. I've been tapping his wife almost everyday now and she's always there and willing. We seem to have a perfect connection. I have a ton of guilt about the situation. I don't have a decent connection with my current wife and my ex wife was so slow and frustrating but there is no excuse for my behavior. So what should I do about this horrible situation?
Damn it autocorrect... I meant "wifi" not "wife"
:P
I don't study at all for my quizzes and often do terrible on them. How do I develop a photographic memory?
Dear Ms Agony,
This is true, as I am sure all the questions here are...but my jaffle maker, that toasting machine that squashes two breads together to make toasted cheese and ham sandwiches was letting out a lot of smoke. And I mean a lot of smoke, such that I was worried it’ll trigger the smoke alarm!
Could it be faulty?
Possessed?
I’m still hungry, do you think I should make another?
I await for your advice with bated breath.
Hungry person...
Dear Agony Girl,
My wife actually did steal my beer. The problem is not that, but that I didn't know I had a wife. She left a note with a valid marriage certificate and served me for child support as well. What do I do?