Come to the dark side-Comedy Open Mic Round 2
Come to the dark side
We have free advice here!
The following post has dark, brutal humour, if you can’t take it, ask your local physician for advice.
One of the biggest trials of depression (other than the sad stuff) is the constant source of even more depressing things everyone tries to do to get you out of it (as if it’s an ill-fitting dress).
Snap out of it! they said
I clicked my heels et voila people are still full of crap.
Here is a list of amazingly stupid, cliched and 100 % wrong advice for dealing with depressed people.
Wrong advice number 1-No Jenny, I don’t need a new hobby. Let me wallow in my pointless existence. I have depression, not chicken pox, it doesn't go away on its own if I suddenly discover my love for knitting. I’m more likely to stick those needles somewhere else
Wrong advice number 2-Listen to some soothing music. No. I want to sit and brood. Nothing matters. How do I explain that I just do not want to move, think or be…
Go away friend, but stay nearby. So, I don’t do anything stupid. Like buying a pink dress.
Wrong advice number 3-The Comparison- Look at that unfortunate person, your life is better than them.
No it isn’t .
Buys rope and a chocolate bar. Can’t find place to hang rope(typical).
Chocolate bar turns out to be a gluten free chia raisin bar.
Friend asks if I’m going hiking with the rope, Oh! it’ll be good for you to get (see wrong advice number 1)...
Leaves friend bound and gagged in my basement.
Whoa actually feels better.
Wrong advice number 4- Let’s get sloshed
We go on a mega binge, I start crying and puking. I lose my phone and have a splitting headache the next morning.
While drunk, I had called my ex from my mom’s phone and sang hotline bling.
His girlfriend yells at me, my head has now become a nuclear war zone.
Wrong advice number 5- Tough Love- Stop being lazy, you are not depressed! It’s just a phase.
Look what you’re doing to everyone.
This is the worst you can do to a depressed person. It's like rubbing pop rocks on wounds.
is an idiot who wants to try it
*Disclaimer: I love er tolerate my friends, even though I have threatened to take them to boy band concerts.
This post for all those misguided friends who try to switch off your depression. If you don’t know what to say, say nothing at all. Just stare into the distance like your friend. Also, bring lots of junk food.*
The first step to understanding this mysterious illness is that YOU CAN’T CONTROL IT!
The hormones in our bodies don’t know how to enjoy a see-saw. So they imbalance. There is darkness everywhere, like when you forget to pay your electricity bill (I’ll be right back).
Laughter is a choice, if you laugh the catecholamines are copacetic, so no depression.
I choose to laugh and FTITCTAJ(Fu*k them if they can’t take a joke)
- PS: Contrary to what you might think, the cartoons were not made by a toddler who has had too much cough syrup.Yours truly has found her calling and is going to be a cartoonist.
Hmm... I'd like to be supportive. But don't you think it's enough you torture us with your poetry, there is no need to add visual aids to the ordeal.
... visual aids, what you get when you lose an eye while out to sea for 6 months and the sailors use you... Or so I'm told
Make a cartoon @idikuci
Don't worry little lady, I have the cure. Whenever the blues get me down, a nice long bath in bubbling hydroiodic acid strips those impurities from my tentacles and leaves me fresh and clean. Yes, a little self care goes a long way. If I still can't bear to look in the wormhole and start my millennia, I squeeze a few hatchlings out of my ovipositor (we are all mature life forms here I hope we can talk about self-love without descending into broodling humor) and wob, bob, thank you Blob, I am good to go. But yeah, even that sometimes fails to shake off the suffocating blanket of depression. If you have access to a warp drive, sometimes just giving your ganglia a straight blast of juice from the main core reactor will erase any negative energy lingering in your synapses. Give it a try and thank me later!
Much love - Carl "Alien Eyeball" Gnash / @carlgnash
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:/
I was born with really prominent inner-ovipositor, and guys tell me it makes my outer-blob look “used.”
The conversations before ganglion blasting for the first time with someone new...
It makes me question all those missionaries from R’Iyeh always going on and on about Yog-Sothoth really truly hearing our pleas for ceaseless death to escape the nightmare of reality.
Fuck what they say. Your outer-blob is BEAUTIFUL
Hilarious!! But what about when the blues got you so bad that "you're little red rooster won't crow fo' day.
Answer........... wait til tomorrow........... take it one day at a time. 🤯😞...............🙄😝😵
Wait, what?
I was always told the dark side has cookies ???
Hmmm... I'm totally gutted that I can't just upload a clip of me laughing at this. lol's or rofl's just don't to it justice....
So i'm going to totally serious route...
That was probably the funniest line I have read in weeks... Perhaps even months. I can't recall in truth.
(slow clap... leading... to... standing ovation...)
Now what am I doing standing her clapping to myself? That was truly hilarious. +100 Kudo points.
PS. If our friendship ever progresses... and you ever threaten Boy bands... You will totally be dead to me.
I love you 😍
This blog describes me 100% 😁🤗
I've had this experience lately................ and they still won't f'cking cheer up!
No, I've had people giving me similar advice recently to those above.................... and I still won't f'cking cheer up!!
Aw man, all these amazing entries are depleting my VP.
Awesome entry @diebitch! Followed ya~
Also, try the Headspace Pro (free apk for ya) for meditation.
Helped me get over all of my depressive episodes! I'll tell you more about it if interested.
Cheers!
Go cartoons!
Those are nice cartoons :D
i had fun reading it :P
sometimes i don't know what to say, and say something stupid.
Good is that i am aware of it and try not to let others know how stupid i am, not talking and just listening :D