[ Cannabis: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly ]

I had thought of making this post a few times and full disclosure: I just hit a bowl a few minutes ago and was going outside to slackline however felt compelled to write this instead.

I have been smoking weed from about the age of 16, so about half of my life up until now. There have been breaks here and there: I had a few 'tee-totalers' lasting about 6 months each or shorter breaks... All the breaks felt like breaths of fresh air, memory felt almost superhuman - although it's easy to say that's what regular memory is like! My connections with the people around me felt strengthened. I felt more reliable, clear and outgoing. A huge difference from the "stoner" me, however I believe that there is too much of a good thing One of the detrimental effect of being a daily cannabis smoker (for me) have been a cliché haze that envelops you... ranging from lethargy, moodyness, forgetfulness, sloth, lack of clarity, a sort of 'screen' between you and the world. Sometimes it's harder to understand what people are saying. For example if someone is explaining something, it may be harder to follow. Conversely, often it is harder to explain yourself to others. Often even common words and names that you know you know are hard to remember in certain situations.

What was interesting is that during one of these weed-breaks, I was living on this place called Chuckleberry Community Farm and happened to be in close quarters with someone who was living the daily 'stoner' life... And being sober myself I saw so many of my old behaviours mirrored in that as well. It was sometimes frustrating dealing with those types of people. There was times where it was borderline cringey, and granted it was my own reaction to certain situations. But I was not the only one that shared that sentiment. For example, questions that were "pretty dumb" ended up being asked... I am a firm believer in "No question is a stupid question" but at times it was like how could you miss that? We had just gone over this. But at the same time, seeing myself having done similar things in the past. But when you are "in the haze" it's harder to see things from the outside - and for many years my life went on living in the haze.

While you are living in the haze, your life goes by, and you seem like prone to be able to maintain the haze, not just the time that the haze itself consumes, but also, the time spent getting back into the haze... aka getting high. And not just that, but the time it takes to go and grab aforementioned getting high material. And the time it takes to work for and raise the funds for any of this. Sometimes when you 'grab' it can take a long time as well, calling your "friend" and then time spent actually "grabbing," many times dealers do not want you running in and then running out and would have you sit down for some time. Of course this is only in places where it is still illicit. But the point I am trying to make is that time is required to maintain especially if it gets out of hand. It starts to take up a lot of your time.

The thing is though, cannabis can be amazing if used properly. Upon returning to cannabis after a break, it feels magical and wonderful. Although granted, there's been some times where I was sober for extended periods, and after the 'first time' in a while, wasn't really that great. For example once in Berlin on my travels, I had "broken my weed-chastity" for the first time in about 6 months and although it was fun, I felt a bit more disoriented and less in-control than before. The next day I felt more "slow" and tired.

Another thing about over-indulgence is it seems to have an effect on the character of the high itself. If I can abstain for a long time and then partake in the correct set and setting, I have found times where the buzz makes me incredibly social, funny, creative, outgoing, jovial, etc. Times like those make me want to indulge more often than I should, and I find even the following day (i.e. getting high two days in a row) and the second day it's just not the same. The character becomes very muddied quickly. Gone is the happy, light feeling, and becomes replaced with more of a sort of baseline where the highs and lows of life are both muted into a more level, sort of like I imagine and anti-depressant may work. But you end up cutting out so much of life because of this veil.

The times where it works for me feel amazing, and I've heard more than once about the godsend that is known as edibles. Eating weed. I've dabbled in the past a little bit and experienced myself good results from such route of administration. I find that for an addictive type personality that I've witnessed in myself having something that's as immediate of a gratification as inhaling something and minutes, if not seconds later experiencing a familiar headspace. Something about the delay in the time it takes from when you ingest the edible until when it actually kicks in, provides a bit of a buffer so that it's not so much of an instant gratification thing. That bit of buffer time allows it to be treated in a slightly more intentional way and intention means so, so much. If you are intending just to get fucked up then smoking provides an easy gateway to that. Just let'r rip and voilà, relatively instant inebriation. And I don't think that smoking a bit of weed here and there is that bad for you. But eventually I felt that my lungs were suffering, that my conditioning just wasn't the same.

One thing to note is my emphasis on overuse. This is probably the worst case scenario as far as weed goes, but I have a feeling I am not the only one living or having had lived a similar situation. I feel that if not checked, over a lifetime, the whole slowly-chipping-away at your potential can have some serious effects over time. Like water being able to erode rocks, slowly and surely over time it's that bit of slight deviation from your true potential that could leave you somewhere you never wish you had ended up.

It's just difficult for me to say when is a good time, and when it is around, I find many times that are 'good times.' I will for example want to edit a video, website or work on some photographs I would like to post, however it's like the old classic towelie syndrome "Wanna get a lil' high first?" And often, nothing gets done. Rinse and repeat.

For those not familiar with Towelie the South Park character, he is a towel always wanting to get high basically all the time, and finds that it's interfering with his life. Likewise, it's so easy to want to re-create those moments where I had felt tremendous creativity and spontaneity. Actually gotten things done! Felt great, etc. etc. All those 'good' memories with Miss. Mary Jane. But at the end of the day, it's seldom the same.

I am not saying that all of my worldly problems are because of weed. During break periods I still struggled with getting things done. It's easy to want to pick a thing like the plant semi-running your life and blame all you problems on that. Even when I was sober, I found it hard to have a regular sleep schedule as well. But one must realize when a particular plant isn't helping either. I do think that cannabis has much great potential, I 110% believe it should be legalized everywhere - as long as alcohol and tobacco are legal there is no moral standpoint to say that marijuana should be as well. However there is a darker side to it that often gets glossed over or dismissed as scare tactics and YES there is a lot of bullshit out there but that's part of the problem. In all the noise the signal gets lost.

I don't think the solution - for me - is necessarily 100% abstinence. Because at times when I quit, I see that there's always people having fun with the whole thing. Having a genuinely good time with it. And I've FELT the benefits.... while some people would argue "it's just the drug." But those that have never partaken should not condemn others who wish to do so.

For now, I will leave it with this. I am on my journey and have often struggled with this aspect of my life. I have paid for this in ways that I probably couldn't even imagine. But I'm not having any regrets either - at least not yet - so long as I can keep myself in check. I've got a lot of work to be done. Don't we all though. Thanks for reading. Let me know any thoughts or comments ❤️

Check out some of my recent photography posts:

• The City [the suburbs]
• for, we have arrived [ABANDONMENT ISSUES PHOTOGRAPHY pt. 2]
• City Tour [Street Photography | Kraków, Poland]
• on his way to work, he was [Golden Hour Photography]
• They see me rollin'... [vehicular photography] They Hatin'! With bonus video!
• HOTEL FORUM [architechtural photography] Communist Relics
• Returning Home with the Goods [Streetphotography]
• Riding a bike out in the middle of nowhere!
• Looking towards Anacortes
• The Switchyard

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Thanks for checkin me oot! 😄 💓