Where is Jane?
It's been a long, LONG time since I've posted anything. And, if you ask me, it's been with good reason.
You see...I've been struggling. Caught in a seemingly never-ending, ever-growing cycle of all things uncertain. It seems as though nothing stays stable. When one crisis is almost over and handled, another slams into me.
Now, I don't want to become the pitied, sad sack of Steemit. I know I have but one of 2 choices--either crawl in a hole and wither, or pick myself up, dust off my skinned knees, and move on. And, I know that latter choice will require a great deal of faith in God, in whom I believe. I've tried to do everything on my own strength, only to realize that I have less of it than I'd imagined. And, even less so, without faith.
I've been absent from my life for some time now, certain the events of the past few months were going to crush me. Everything from failing health, to job loss, to...well, other stuff.
I pretty much went into hiding. Hiding from y'all, from my internet radio show, from taking care of myself. Yep, for months, I chose option number one. Guess what? It didn't work
But then, something happened. My best friend in the whole wide world, @globocop, basically set me straight, and told me a few things that were tough to hear, but necessary to listen to.
And when it came right down to it, it all boiled down to:
- I am lacking faith, and trying to force things to go as I planned
or - I have no plan
Either way, whatever I chose wasn't working. And, I desperately need something to work.
It really takes your breath away, suddenly being in a situation you'd never contemplated would happen..a situation you never planned for. Faith is great, however it is compatible with preparedness. I was not prepared.
All these years, caught in suspended adolescence finally caught up to me. Damn.
But, it is well. Everything will be alright. I just need to keep the faith!
You know, looking at that image reminds me of something that happened just this morning. While reading a daily devotional, the question was put forth, "Are You a Grumbler?" (A grumbler being someone who is always complaining about their circumstances) And though I thought I'd earned the right to be a grumbler, the fact is, I am, indeed, a grumbler. No one really likes a grumbler. They're somewhat depressing, not to mention annoying, to be around. All that negativity is exhausting, and doesn't help the situation, at all. I'd recognized that I lacked gratitude. That's a hard thing to come to terms with. Especially when one is challenged with having gratitude for the situation they are in. Asking someone to be grateful for life, when they are hemorrhaging is a pretty big ask. Yet, it's the very thing we're called to do. Examples:
- Baditude: "There's no income coming into the home."
Gratitude: "I'm sure grateful we were blessed with abundant food that we froze last year, for emergencies." - Baditude: "Your in the early stages of liver failure."
Gratitude: "But you don't have cirrhosis, so you get another chance at life!"
I think I'm doing this right...
I don't really know where I was going with all this.
I guess I just wanted to touch base with all of you. I'm feeling like I am slowly crawling out of my shell, my cave of isolation. It's a little frightening, but options to do much else are deficient and detrimental. (Like, continuing with option one.)
So, it's time for me to get some of that Attitude of Gratitude, and train my brain to always remember to keep the faith. A time to prepare for war, but fight with good cause. I'll update, as things begin to happen.
If you enjoyed reading (?), please consider upvoting and resteeming.
(insert custom DisarrangedJane logo thingy here)
~Jane
Glad to see you back! Sorry to hear you've been dealing with bad stuff, but I hope that's all behind you. Sometimes life throws lots of bad things at us, I know, but the only thing we can do is pick up the pieces and struggle forward. It might be hard, but you do get out of a bad situation, there's that wonderful feeling - I did it!
Thank you for reminding me of the wonderful feeling one has when we finally make it through. Yes, the only thing to do is pick up those pieces and move on. It'd be nice to take a break from stress. Perhaps I will, with a change in perspective. Thank you again for your encouraging words!
Hi Jane, this is the first post of yours I have seen thanks to globocops link in Christian-post-promo on discord. Just wanted to say I feel your pain, I don't know to what extent I share it but I wrote this poem 3 days ago and feel you may get some peace from it, it was written whilst I've got a greatly diminished vitality at this time as well (I dont like spam so trust me I wouldn't link it if I didn't genuinely think it could be relevant for you) https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@galacticvagabond/a-poem-called-he-foreknew-our-pain
Credit to you for heeding caring advice! It takes a lot of humility 🙂
Gosh! That poem made me cry! But, in a good way. I'm sorry to hear that you are in the same type of way as I am, but it is comforting to not be alone. We can be here for one another. It's a lovely poem. And I'll take all the caring advice I can get. :) Thank you for sharing your poem with not only me, but with all of Steemit!
🙂 I promise the intention wouldn't have been for any other type of tear. @mhm-philippines made the same comment a few days ago, tears of joy are a blessing I think. Thankyou and of course, now I'm following you I'll keep up to date with your story when I see new content.
I've got poems coming out my ears at the minute so a heads up there may be more tears of joy :)
After reading your heartfelt post @disarrangedjane I was inspired to write this https://steemit.com/poetry/@doghaus/wishing-well. I hope you like it.
That's a beautiful poem, Dog! I'm humbled that my post inspired you. Thank you for those words! The part about the cracks in the sidewalk resonated with me, especially.
You're more than welcome @disarrangedjane, I can relate to the struggle and it's been worse than ever lately...it's been a long winter and it's time for spring so I can get out there and "smell the roses".
You got this my dear! Have you joined a local church for support and fellowship. Having like minded people around to encourage and pray is really helpful
Thank you, Kubby!! You know, it's funny you should ask...On Monday, I was in the office of a woman who is a volunteer of charitable financial assistance, delegated by a local church in town. She informed me that the church charity would pay my water bill for April, which was scheduled for disconnection on this upcoming Friday. She also gave me lists of all the job listings the church knew of, and a long list of food pantries in town, should my struggle reach such depths. She prayed with me, and invited me to come to Sunday service. She even told me on what channel I could watch the service on TV at home, if I felt more comfortable. It was an emotional and powerful visit for me. And you're right. I think support and fellowship would be a great thing for me.
I am so glad to read this post. You and God can do it @disarrangedjane! I am keeping you in my prayers and always thinking of you!
Thank you, Hope! Thanks for your prayers. It's always a good thing, to have you on one's side! giggles Yes, I'm learning that I can only get through this, with God. I'm glad to know you read this post, and thank you for doing so.
Oh dearest Jane.
It is well.
I am looking forward to you picking yourself up again.
Whatever it is that doesn't kill you only serves to make you stronger!
Thank you for your constant encouragement. You always have words that make me feel better. Yes, I too look forward to picking myself up, and becoming stronger, and not dead. :)
Try to be strong, Jane.
Joe
Thank you, Joe. Trying is half the battle, but I'm feeling stronger little by little.
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