Subject: Quarantine Measures + Company Picnic?
A mandatory quarantine of Floors ♂ through ☭ is in effect due to the infestation of Class Q Plants. If you work on these floors please do not try to leave them. The elevators have been shut down and security is positioned in the stairwells with orders to stop anyone trying to leave.
Here at BlockCorp we will do everything in our power to keep from shooting you, but you did consent to being shot in the line of employment when you signed your on-boarding documents.
It's unlikely that we will have to shoot you unless you try to escape or are exhibiting symptoms of infection. Please let us know if you've been bitten by one of your coworkers, or scratched or poked by the vines now covering the building.
If you aren't infected (YAY!) please remain in your cubicle or office and continue to work as best you can. Consider this an opportunity to get caught up on any work you might have to do before the weekend.
Speaking of the weekend, it appears we will have to reschedule the Company Picnic scheduled for Saturday until after we get this zombie, plant situation under control. Bummer, I was really looking forward to Cheryl's Gluten-Free cupcakes that were such a hit last year. Cheryl, of course, was killed along with the rest of Floor ♕ in an effort to purge the building of the plant-born plague. She and her Gluten-Free cupcakes will be missed.
RIP Cheryl
BlockCorp is committed to your safety. Your management is here for you. Not literally here, I mean, we've all been evacuated to a safe zone near the Cetacean Pool. Gosh, these whales are big. I wonder if they can eat cupcakes?
If you have any questions please email us from one of the working computers. It's an inconvenience to all of us, but stay positive and focus on the plus side: anyone who survives the weekend will be eligible for double over-time!
Warmly,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
From the Email Archives of the BlockCorp Industries Servers:
"“I've never met a problem a proper cupcake couldn't fix.” ― Sarah Ockler, Bittersweet
Special Halloween Plot: Deadly, invasive plants have taken over the BlockCorp building turning loyal zombie-like employees into actual zombies! Why? What's going to happen next? What ever happened to Ken? Will we ever get to have the company picnic?!
BlockCorp is a ‘business roleplay’ that simulates the exciting world of bureaucracy, corporate culture, and beyond! All you need is some imagination and a keyboard! Pull up a spinny desk-chair and join in the fun! Writers of any level can churn out the bland and meaningless emails that you encounter day in and day out in the office! Reply in the comments or start your own email 'chain' with the tag #blockcorp . Learn how to play here!
To: Renee Nouveau
From: Ms Ann. C. Athreedrandom
Subject: Company picnic
Mr. Renee Nouveau,
I'm sad to hear about the company picnic being canceled and that Cheryl is dead. I will always remember her smile, so full of life. Though looking back, she did show early signs of zombie infestation.
As for the zombies I am safe under the AC vent. And it's well known that zombies don't like the cold air. I just wish I could eat Cheryl cupcakes one more time. No one could have predicted her death.
Sincerely,
Ms Ann. C. Athreedrandom
Graphic Design Department
Secret Society Division
(Source cupcake http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/25250-ugly-zombie-cupcake)
(You are slaying it! Ha! So perfect)
To: Ann. C. Athreedrandom
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: Re: Company Picnic
Ann,
What a genius idea, if the hypothermia doesn't get you first, you should get a raise.
We can turn up the AC we can make the environment inhospitable to both the plants and the plant-like zombies wandering the halls. I'll see if I can access the environmental controls from the Cetacean Pool.
Stay warm,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
Image Source
(Thank you! This is really fun!)
To: Renee Nouveau
From: Ms Ann. C. Athreedrandom
Subject: Re: Re: Company picnic
I will try to stay warm, but as I'm not allowed to leave the office I can't get another sweater. And as I have been informed no fires for warmth or entertainment are allowed in the cubicles per the Employee Handbook Section 8.16: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.
So I will have to use the radioactive printer to print this picture of this sunny beach to warm my soul.
(personal photo)
As I returned from the printer I found this on my office. I wonder who left this present?
(personal photo)
Sincerely,
Ms Ann. C. Athreedrandom
Graphic Design Department
Secret Society Division
We heard zombies and were like Whooa dude, cool. We got our bro to hack into your companies computer stuff and shit.
He's like super-duper smart and shit, so dont even try to like stop us.
We're concerned how you're treating your zombies. Like, release a whole bunch of them. We wanna start the Zombie Apocalypse, cuz that would be So. Fucking. Metal.
If we don't get lots of those zombies, and those demonic kudzu plants too, we're gonna protest outside your lame office building, soon as we're done at this wicked cool concert.
We wanna nail a badass concept album, with Zombies, Death and fuckin' takin' down the man. Could use the real life inspiration. It's gonna be fuckin' kvlt
To: Mr Ruben Adioactivities
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: RE: fuckin' kvlt
Ruben,
Is this for real? Or did you forget to log out of your terminal before sending the attached? I'm sorry we weren't able to make your recent "heavy metal concert" held in storage closet 7B. I heard it was a good show from the two people that were able to go and fit in the storage closet.
Releasing any infected employees into the world would have disastrous consequences for this universe, also it would prevent them from getting their important work done before Friday. Although parallel dimensions are infinite not all of them contain a Q3 where our profits were quite so high. Out of those universes there are only a few where Donald Trump is elected president. We should try not to destroy this one if we can help it.
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
To: Renee Nouveau
From: Mr Ruben Adioactivities
Subject: RE: RE: fuckin' kvlt
Sorry sorry sorry. It seems that Mrs. Robinson and I mistakingly swapped medication bottles with each other at the watercooler. If there was a watercooler closer to my cubical this wouldn't have happened. I'm going to HR and taking a mental health day tomorrow.
My therapist had advised me that I should not be around zombies, as that is one of my triggers. If you could look into installing a panic room after this incident, that would be great. Safe-spaces don't seem sufficient around here
P.S. Next concert is next Tuesday lunch.
I also have a complaint, I over heard some other employees mention I am the most emotionally needy Blockcorp employee. This is insensitive. Unfortunately the zombie kudzus have gotten to them so I cant get my apology
To: Mr Ruben Adioactivities
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: RE: RE: RE:fuckin' kvlt
Ruben,
There is a panic room. You have to panic harder for it to activate. Like really really hard.
Who spoiled the surprise that you've been voted Most Emotionally Needy Employee of the Month!? I made you a plaque and everything.
See you Tuesday!
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division