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RE: Subject: Quarantine Measures + Company Picnic?
We heard zombies and were like Whooa dude, cool. We got our bro to hack into your companies computer stuff and shit.
He's like super-duper smart and shit, so dont even try to like stop us.
We're concerned how you're treating your zombies. Like, release a whole bunch of them. We wanna start the Zombie Apocalypse, cuz that would be So. Fucking. Metal.
If we don't get lots of those zombies, and those demonic kudzu plants too, we're gonna protest outside your lame office building, soon as we're done at this wicked cool concert.
We wanna nail a badass concept album, with Zombies, Death and fuckin' takin' down the man. Could use the real life inspiration. It's gonna be fuckin' kvlt
To: Mr Ruben Adioactivities
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: RE: fuckin' kvlt
Ruben,
Is this for real? Or did you forget to log out of your terminal before sending the attached? I'm sorry we weren't able to make your recent "heavy metal concert" held in storage closet 7B. I heard it was a good show from the two people that were able to go and fit in the storage closet.
Releasing any infected employees into the world would have disastrous consequences for this universe, also it would prevent them from getting their important work done before Friday. Although parallel dimensions are infinite not all of them contain a Q3 where our profits were quite so high. Out of those universes there are only a few where Donald Trump is elected president. We should try not to destroy this one if we can help it.
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
To: Renee Nouveau
From: Mr Ruben Adioactivities
Subject: RE: RE: fuckin' kvlt
Sorry sorry sorry. It seems that Mrs. Robinson and I mistakingly swapped medication bottles with each other at the watercooler. If there was a watercooler closer to my cubical this wouldn't have happened. I'm going to HR and taking a mental health day tomorrow.
My therapist had advised me that I should not be around zombies, as that is one of my triggers. If you could look into installing a panic room after this incident, that would be great. Safe-spaces don't seem sufficient around here
P.S. Next concert is next Tuesday lunch.
I also have a complaint, I over heard some other employees mention I am the most emotionally needy Blockcorp employee. This is insensitive. Unfortunately the zombie kudzus have gotten to them so I cant get my apology
To: Mr Ruben Adioactivities
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: RE: RE: RE:fuckin' kvlt
Ruben,
There is a panic room. You have to panic harder for it to activate. Like really really hard.
Who spoiled the surprise that you've been voted Most Emotionally Needy Employee of the Month!? I made you a plaque and everything.
See you Tuesday!
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division