"I am interested in a girl who has neither responded to nor rejected my proposal. I am confused; what does it mean?"
Hi!
It’s me Joel. Sometimes it is difficult to believe things until they’re already true or until we experience them in reality. But can you just give me some advice or any good words for a small problem? My problem is that I like a girl from our college and I just can’t understand her character and behavior towards me. She is one year older than me and I proposed to her once when we were going for a morning walk. Her answer was not straight i.e. she didn’t say that she doesn’t love me but that she can’t trust boys. She is very friendly with me and we laugh and chat and talk together on our morning walks. She is a simple and loveable girl. So does she have any feelings for me? Or is she really not interested in love?
Photo: Photographer Allard Schager shot this perplexing photo while looking up the Stairway of the King of Aragon, a stairwell carved into a steep cliff face in Bonifacio, Corsica, France. I’ve looked at it carefully half a dozen times and still get confused as to which way is up or down.
Joel,
Love is the fuel that moves our world and any world. Love is the energy that sustains you, her and every other human being. Therefore everyone IS interested in love otherwise they would not choose to exist. To put it more simply – the girl does want to be loved, to be in a relationship, to have the experience of a relationship. The question is whether or not she will allow herself to be loved, and this is something that only she can answer.
Now, let’s examine your position. You also want to be loved, to be in a relationship and in particular to have that girl’s love for you, and so you also need to examine whether or not you are allowing yourself to receive love from life.
The first thing is to begin with yourself. Do you appreciate who you are? Do you believe that you deserve to be loved? Do you have high self-esteem? In short, do you love yourself?
The second thing is to have full compassion for that girl. That means accepting that she may be different from you, that she has the right to – momentarily - block herself from receiving love. To be compassionate also means not to judge her just because you don’t understand her behavior.
The third thing that you can do is to detach yourself from her. Indeed, remain her friend, show her your friendly love, express your trustworthy companionship, and convince her, merely by your behavior, that men in general and you in particular, can be trusted. However, have no expectations. Give her your friendly love without any conditions and allow her to make her own choices.
Now, you are not a victim nor should you be one. When you detach from her, when you stop thinking about her and you don’t have any expectations, you allow the energy of love to flow in your life naturally. That means that you allow other forms of love from the reality to reflect back at you the love that you have for yourself. In most practical terms it means that you may meet another girl with whom you will fall in love with and build a healthy and appropriate relationship.
The process that you initiate is to focus inwardly and ignite the love that you have for yourself; then you allow the universe to bring you the kind of love that you choose.
Good luck!
sorry sir. maybe this is the same as what happened to me, i've felt like that for 2 years, maybe the same story with you. i once said my love for him, but he never gave a definite answer for me said yes no, said no no, this made me confused.2 years I have lived like this, but I have a strange feeling, he always wants to meet with me and he always asks to play with me, wherever he wants to go always invites me. a game with me??
Yes. A game of feeding. Your attention gives him pleasure. And he gets this type of pleasure from others too. Do you really want to allow him to feed off of you? It seems to me you are wasting your time.
I must admit I am confused by your response.
Perhaps, you can help me understand boundaries and how they work alongside love for self and non-judgment? I hope that I am making sense here? I have valued your responses and wisdom, so dare myself to ask even if I seem dense in my ability to understand. My experiences include childhood abuse and though I no longer want to be in the role of victim, I do recognize that I've had issues in setting, maintaining and most frustrating, understanding boundaries.
So, I will often take the idea of love and of non-judgment and apply it to relationships, attempting for example not to label negative/positive as you've written about in your last post. To forgive others and approach situations from a different angle/perspective. However, I too have been with a man, on and off the past few years and have friends who tell me it's a "game of feeding," as you call it.
Aren't all relationships some form of feeding off from and projecting onto the other? In some sense aren't we all using one another in some way whether we're conscious of it or not? And, how does the above person accept and love where they're at if they reject the person that they're attracted to and feeds off from them if they are simply cautioned/instructed by someone outside of themselves on what is the right thing to do? Then when they're again attracted to hanging out with that person they will feel shame in the wanting/longing/enjoying which really doesn't feel or sound like love of self.
Good questions. Here are my two cents.
*about feeding - it's a question of quantity. How much they feed off of you and are they aware of it. Children for example constantly feed off of their parents, which is fine, as this is the role of parents. Spouses can be and should be assisted by each other, after all this is part of the relationship, but there should be limits and boundaries. You will put your own according to what serves you best. My golden rule is to follow my instincts, what makes me feel good, and avoid guilt and shame.
Did my answer clarify the issue? 🙂
Yes, thank you for your response and it does help clarify.
Key points in clarification include whether or not the other is aware of their feeding (because I believe for the most part I am when doing it) and to follow instincts and what makes me feel good. Reminds me that I do know what I am feeling as long as I don't let thinking get in the way :)
But, also living in the moment requires letting go of the past, but if there's a history of patterns in relating that have not worked for me I might also want to make informed observations. I guess in those instances listen to my intuition.
Good point. My experience is that throughout time, your learned lessons are imprinted in your energetic patterns, so either you don't attract to yourself, anymore, the old patterns or, when such come into your life you identify them immediately (a strong sense of irritation for example) and choose otherwise.
Yes, thank you!
I am especially amazed by synchronicity and at what precise moments needed messages work their way into my consciousness, this morning yours is reaching me in just that way.
Way too complicated haha. For me i will ask the girl out if she refuse i wont persue if she accept and didnt stood me up means she does like something about me. If the date goes well perfect if not try again till something happens or it doesnt.
I guess its just me i understand every individual is different. This is just my own experience.
Anyway nice post its deep.
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Talking about love issues is endless. Sometimes love makes a doubt, makes it difficult to sleep, makes a question, doesn't focus on what we are working on today, just makes us think about it. "What love is that?" So there are so many who ask the same thing like this, "Does she love me?" "Does she have the same feeling as me right now?" "Did she think of me today?" Will he always be there? "Questions like this always appear when we begin to feel the name of falling in love. This is what I felt at that time. But I've also experienced the same thing, but my logic is thinking. Is he worthy of my love? That's what I did
Thanks for this My Teacher @nomad-magus
How did you handle with all those thoughts? They could really bothering.
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Its mean, she is taking exams weather you have patience to be her or not. regards.
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