I Can't Read This! Glimpses Into a Life with Inattentive ADHD
By the standards doled out by mainstream society, I "suffer" from ADHD.
(This post was partially inspired by a question from @steemfluencer yesterday, about "how much time" I spend on Steemit. Also check out @steemfluencer's post about a new creative writing challenge on Steemit, from one of the community's rising stars!)
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
California Poppy
To be specific, the adult version. To be more specific, the lesser known "inattentive" version that doesn't actually include hyperactivity and unpredictable behaviors, but instead a tendency to be unfocused, resulting in my "zoning out" and even going to sleep when it is really important for me to focus on things.
I should add here that I am no slave to so-called diagnostic "labels." However, I don't reject them, either... as I find them to be very useful starting points, and potential time savers.
Thus, when I tell you I have ADHD, I just saved myself 10 minutes of potential explanations "from scratch."
But that's about where the usefulness of the label stops... and I have to extract my "reality" from the societal stereotype. So this is where I get to try to explain that my real issue is actually Concentration Deficit Disorder, which isn't something most people are familiar with.
Especially not in adults...
My Next Point is... Oh, shiny! SQUIRREL!
Right now, I am actually rather randomly writing this post because I found myself needing to read an article my wife had just written... and it was remarkably hard. And she's a very accomplished writer and blogger, I might add...
Bare tree on hillside, Big Sur, CA
I started reading it... and I was interrupted.
So I started from the beginning again... and something else came up.
So I started from the beginning again... this time, getting 3/4 of the way through... and then the phone rang.
After which I started from the beginning again... got halfway in, and my wife came in to ask me what I thought.
So I started over again...
The common traits here are "interruptions" and "starting over."
One of the things I have learned about myself is that when I am interrupted while doing something, I have to start over, from the beginning... because I have near zero recollection of where/what has come before, when I return to a task I was previously dealing with.
My primary non-pharmaceutical coping mechanism has been that I tend to break my day into thousands of discrete "tiny tasks" that I can complete quite quickly, so I don't have to worry about "losing my place" on a larger task. In essence, it's a form of "brain trickery" in which I try to fool myself into believing I don't need to concentrate... or I have already completed something before my conscious awareness recognizes that I "need to concentrate."
"But WHY?" you might be asking...
And Now, Here We Go Again... Neurochemistry
As a writer, it's a rather frustrating thing to have going on. But it has been helpful to understand that my neurochemistry is just a little "off."
Yellow flower in the lawn
As I try to assemble and finish this post for publication, I know I have to "concentrate," and I can already feel the slow transformation happening in my brain.... thanks to years of meditation and "paying attention" to my own inner processes.
I can feel my concentration waning, and there's a pressure building at the top of my head and behind my eyes. The pressure behind my eyes is similar to the pressure we feel as a result of extreme sleep deprivation. My eyes feel like there's sand in them... and I just want to sleep. I feel my focus slipping from the page and keyboard to the almost superhuman effort it now takes to stay awake...
At least, that is what would be happening, were I not aware, so now I can just step away and do something else before we hit "critical."
Wait... is That REAL?
A few studies are now suggesting that this is precisely what's happening:
Purple flower on the hillside
As we try to concentrate, the nervous system of a "neurotypical" person would normally release a slight injection of adrenaline to improve short term concentration and mental acuity... think of the slightly "hyped up" feeling you have when taking an exam.
For ME, however, it's different... my neurotransmitters-- quite literally-- "misinterpret" what's happening, and instead send a message to my brain that I really need to catch up with my sleep... because right now (even though I am quite well rested!) it feels like I haven't slept in 72 hours!
Know that feeling (in your head!) when you have the flu, and concentrating is hard, even thinking is hard, talking to people feels like it requires an extraordinary amount of mental effort? That's how I feel right now... after just 6-7 minutes of working on this post.
Fortunately, I know from experience that I just need to break state and go get a drink, or do something else for two minutes... to "clear my head."
Why Steemit Works for me... and "Writing Books" doesn't
Over the years, I have been asked dozens of times why I don't write books. Quite simply... because I don't have the concentration skills to sit down and track that much content as "a task."
Wild pink rose
Blogging and writing mini articles on a venue like Steemit works for me because they are "little short bits" that can be assembled in stages. It works for me because the time and concentration needed to leave a meaningful comment on someone's post dovetails beautifully with the 7-10 minutes I have before my brain "heads south."
And yes, typing fast (tip of the hat to @dwinblood here!) is another good coping skill in this context.
But all these posts of mine? Made in lot of little steps, added together to make one complete article.
It's also a good reason why being an eBay entrepreneur works well for me... it takes about 5-7 minutes to create a new listing for one of my online stores. Perfect! Even though I might actually list 80-100 items on a given day... each one is a discrete and separate task I can complete and step away from.
So Why Am I Sharing this Rather Strange Post?
Because I know I am not alone.
And because I know there are a good number of people "a lot like me" who are out there either suffering... OR getting themselves misdiagnosed with anything from depression to narcolepsy, which would both be horribly wrong diagnoses.
So if you know anybody who seems to struggle with concentration-- but is not hyperactive/fidgety-- sometimes to the point it seems like they even could fall asleep in the middle of a conversation... share this post with them. Or just resteem it. Thank you!
How about you? Were you aware of variations of ADHD, aside from the stereotypical "hyper scatterbrain" we tend to see? Have you ever heard of Concentration Deficit Disorder? Do you personally have sincere trouble focusing and concentrating? Leave a comment-- share your experiences and feedback-- be part of the conversation!
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Published 20170801 16:58 PDT
You are one of the most consistent writers on Steemit Denmarkguy so well done to you!
With inatentive ADHD your consistency tells us that you really prioritize the Steemit community. So thank you for being fully committed to sharing your thoughts and ideas with us.
ronni
Thanks @ronni!
In a sense, it "prioritizes itself" for me... because of its format. I could very easily be just a 100% curator here-- just comment and interact with other people's content; like this comment-- I can engage you, have a quick conversation and 3 minutes later I am doing something else.
Writing the original posts definitely IS a challenge in which I have to "make myself" focus for long enough to put something together (even if created in 10 "mini sessions") and publish it. During @merej99's recent "Community Engagement Challenge" I tracked all my comments... and in 10 days, I wrote the equivalent in comments as would normally make 80-100 posts.
Appreciate your kind words!
Oh my goodness, this resonates with me on SO MANY LEVELS!
While I do have the ability to concentrate, the trick is not to be interrupted because then I have to go back to the beginning. How many phrases must I turn to get it right? Editing is pure hell.
But I also have this problem of things going through one ear and out the other. I'm not diagnosed or assessed but I think I may suffer with Auditory Processing Disorder as well as Asperger's. I wrote about it a few years ago and I was like... WOW... SQUIRREL! What were we talking about??? :P
I'm not very good at auditory learning... one "trick" I have found useful is to look at people only when I am talking, but look away when they are talking... some people find that a bit weird/rude, but most of my closer friends have had the more "scientific explanation" and know that I am actually hearing more when I am not maintaining eye contact.
Oh boy! We may well be onto something here @denmarkguy. ¡Pure bizniz! Because I am quite the opposite. I, after a few instances of exposure to something it's all instantly stored and winrar compressed in my mind and consciousness forever. Let's talk to see if you could sell well an extract of my ailment in your ebay store to cure all those ADHD Sufferers. }:)
PD. Now I can understand why you almost never read my long-ass posts. LoL
Eidetic memory, eh? That's impressive... and interesting. My wife has something like it, too... she can read something like a 100-page white paper online and totally absorb the entire thing in a few minutes. Not only does she read 10 times faster than I, she retains everything.
I can read pretty fast-- when I force myself to-- but I will have forgotten the beginning by the time I get to the end.
Maybe be can clone your DNA or something! LOL
Ah! good to know your wife also suffer of my singular & rare ailment. :) Therefore, I suppose you've kinda already had the chance to witness the funny effects of that from the front row LoL.
Yeah! perhaps it's about time to make a few extra cents online, extracting a good chunk of your wife's and mine DNA, clone that and revamp the profits of your ebay store with a new Best Seller Product. }:)
My boyfriend kept telling me I have ADHD, and I didn't understand it. I typically get so focused on a task that the rest of the world ceases to exist - I won't hear people speak to me or notice that it's gotten dark. Isn't ADHD about an attention deficit?
It turns out what I so regularly experience is a destructive behavior termed hyperfocus in the ADHD world. And that all my other restless behaviors fit neatly into the box, too.
Now I've learned that there are all sorts of brands of ADHD, all of them focusing on, well, focus! I've barely begun to figure out how to work more healthily with my brain, but I like how you've learned to deal with yours by doing discrete tasks.
Thanks for sharing those insights @therovingreader! I am quite familiar with hyperfocus... but I have to "break through the wall" to get there.
The easiest place tends to be with my artwork... which can be quite meditative and hypnotic, especially if I put on the right kind of music (listen to a lot of melodic progressive house and trance), it only takes me about 30-40 minutes to get "there."
With other stuff-- be it paperwork or working on my eBay store or something like that... I break through the "I wanna sleep" barrier in about two hours... after which I can stay "in the zone" for 12 hours straight, without a break... it scares people how much I can get done. Once, under considerable time pressure, I cranked out an 80-page business plan in about 14 hours. My manager at the time just looked at me and said "That normally takes three people a WEEK to do..."
I have the exact same issue. I am always trying to decrease the amount of clutter on my screen.
I have a very hard time on any sites that are text heavy, but it's easier if you make your text larger by zooming the screen. I have steemit at 150% for example!
Here's some things that tend to help me:
Zoom webpages/Mobile Sites/Narrowing the browser image
Figure out what sites suit you best in terms of social media. For me picture
heavy beats text heavy.
For example, I do more stuff on Tumblr verses Twitter.
I personally don't bother with written tutorials anymore. It's all video
tutorials/video classes for me.
If you can trim out stuff that is irrelevant to you, do so in social media. I use a
extension for tumblr to block post of things I'm not interested in. Don't care
about superhero posts? Now you don't have to see them.
I'm not sure if they have something of the sort for other sites though.
I hope that helps anyone. Great post!
Interesting how we each process things differently-- appreciate your sharing!
I find text much easier than images... and MUCH easier than video. Can't do Vlogs and video tutorials as the visuals completely interfere with my ability to "hear" what's going on... and after 30 seconds, I start tuning out. With text, I can speed read... and get in 20 seconds what it takes a 3-minute video clip to explain.
But that's just me.
Interesting!! How are you with just audio podcasts then?
I sometimes up the video speed if it makes start zoning.
@mushroomseeds, audio podcasts are OK... and usually I find myself doing something else while listening to audio-- actually used to co-produce my wife's talk radio show some years back, and I was often the "metric" for short attention span.
nope...not JUST you.
me too..
video is boring....too slow.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. I’ve never been tested for things like that. Not been to a doctor in a good 10 years. I don’t like them very much. I try and stay far, far, away from them and their endless costs.
I generally stay away from doctors, too, @enjar. Most of what I know is from self-study, and from attempting to learn the best possible coping tools for dealing with a world that increasingly feels like I am trapped inside a pinball machine running a multi-ball bonus.
Oh unlimited bonus round at pinball that means you gets to have the highest score of all time!!!! I know the feeling. I swear I was supposed to get a guide book or something explains things to me when I was first born. Must have gotten lost in the mail.
I know what you mean @enjar... this shyte is hard without a manual!
Great post, many people struggle with attention span I'm not exeption. All of your posts are deeply meaningful so my hat off to you. It can be extremely hard to write and stay on point when you have any kind of ADHD!
Thanks @dijana969! It helps a lot to have many posts going at the same time. As I write this, I have 20 "active" posts working in my drafts folder... in fact, this post was sort of "rare" in that it was created start-to-finish between 8 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just the same myself but I never fully realised how much it dictates how I use Steemit
I need gaps to reset, so short sentences and lots of spaces.
And lots of pictures, because the pictures are the parts that I remember later.
The words are all mostly forgotten until a picture reminds me.
And upvotes, because those blue dots tell me I've been here before.
Yeah, the blue dots are handy, to be sure! I know what you mean though... and it's usually testament to my being a "true follower" of someone's content if I can make it through their very long all-text screed.
sounds like fun.
in other news.
sleep apnea...
Yeah, that too.
After many years of "leave me alone," I finally broke down and have a CPAP machine.
Yes, it did considerably improve the quality of my sleep.
"when I am interrupted while doing something, I have to start over" - I can say this for myself too. Believe to me, you're not alone :))
@pepe.maya, I think that may also be more of a trait of an introverted person, but I am not 100% sure.