PostsCommentsPayoutsthe-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoOur Dumb Decade: Best Of 2017Trump Gives Intelligence Agencies Their Daily Briefing Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoOur Dumb Decade: Best Of 2016Exhausted Bill Belichick Attempts To Wake Up By Splashing Some Blood On His Face Pajama-Clad Child…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoOur Dumb Decade: Best Of 2015Supreme Court Releases Young Scalia’s Audition Tape Government Admits It Was Only Behind…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoOur Dumb Decade: Best Of 2014Girlfriend Overdoses On Lotion Study: This Descended From Wolves Seahawks To…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoOur Annual Year: Best Of EntertainmentNew ‘Avengers’ Fan Theory Suggests Key To Beating Thanos Could Be Nothing Because He Not Real And None Of This…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoOur Annual Year: Best Of SportsTony Romo Realizes He Should Have Used Ability To Read Defenses Back When He Was Still Playing Tom…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoThe 10 Greatest Games Of The Past DecadeThe last 10 years have been a period of dramatic evolution in video games. From revolutions in interactive…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoReport: Make It StopPlease, Just Make It Stop EVERYWHERE—Claiming that they just couldn’t stand this bullshit anymore…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoProminent Evangelical Magazine Calls For Removing Trump From Holy TrinityCAROL STREAM, IL—In a scathing opinion piece published Thursday by Christianity Today, the evangelical magazine’s…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoCritics In 2030s Ask Why Teen Climate Activist Isn’t In Abandoned School Bailing Water And Shooting Enemy ForagersNEW RICHMOND, EV — In response to the attention she was receiving for her vocal objections to international leaders’…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoNation Finally Stands Far Enough Away From Jackson Pollock Painting To Realize It Realistic Still Life Of FruitNEW YORK — Straining their eyes from the opposite wall of the gallery, the nation finally stood far enough away from…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoShoe From Goodwill Still Has Foot In ItWe're not sure whose foot it is, but customers say the shoe is in surprisingly good condition for such a low price! A…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoCompany’s Holiday Party Moves Up Timeline For Bankruptcy By 4 MonthsSEATTLE — With the celebration rapidly burning through the diminishing supply of cash that has kept the local…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoGrandmother Down To 10-Step Radius Around Recliner In DenMARTINSBURG, MD — Noting that most rooms of her home are now effectively off-limits to her, the family of local…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoWhite Castle Bathroom Stall Celebrates 5th ConceptionWhat a joyous occasion. Only reviled by the newly announced chicken-sliders White Castle is now offering for a limited…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoPros And Cons Of Social Media Banning Political AdsTwitter recently announced a ban on political advertising, adding fuel to the debate of whether social media should…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoTown Hag Getting In Pretty Good Day Of Shaking Jangly Bell-Covered Stick While Pointing And Screaming ‘You Will Die!’ANSBACH, MITTELFRANKEN — Expressing pride at all she had accomplished before even glimpsing the noonday sun…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoGod Recounts Torrid Affair With Michelangelo That Began When Posing For Sistine Chapel FrescoTHE HEAVENS — Calling the years of the whirlwind romance amongst the greatest of His life, Supreme Being and Creator…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoUnshakable Determination In The Face Of Adversity: Mom Is Currently Telling The CVS Cashier A Fourth Phone Number To Try For A Discount CardGet ready to feel inspired, because the story currently unfolding at the Main Street Shopping Centre in Holbrook, NY…the-onion (-2)(1)in #news • 4 years agoTrump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry ExperienceWASHINGTON — Touting his impressive record of serving on the board of a notable natural gas company, President…
