@ecotrain's questions of the week are always fabulously nutty, complicated journeys to understanding that take some thinking. Anyone brave enough to tackle one is bound to learn so much about themselves and the world, and by reading each other's answers, we all grow a little more. This week's question is BIG!!

"If there is a God, why do so many bad things happen?"

I'm sitting here in a hotel room in Bali with this persistant infection and cursing my luck. I'd probably blame God, but I know a bit better than that. I've always been a big believer in the God within all of us, so I think that's important to establish first - at the risk of offending anyone, I'll have to establish from the outset that my God isn't a Christian one, or a Jewish, or any other 'God' as separate from this divine spark of God within each and every one of us - beyond mind and beyond matter.

Source

I was reading a fellow passenger's terrible suffering as she watches her loved one in pain, which truly broke my heart this week. I reminded me of the suffering my Dad was going through this year with cancer (and still is) and how painful that was for all of us. In the taxi on the way here, the driver showed us two pictures of his children, both beautiful daughters, but lamented the loss of his baby son as he couldn't afford to send him to Singapore for treatment for his heart problem. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It never seems fair, or right, and certainly one of the biggest arguments against God is just that - surely if he existed, and truly loved us, he'd do something about this suffering, wouldn't he?

I feel I have to backtrack a little here and explain what my version of God is, otherwise the rest of this won't make sense - if any of it ends up making sense at all.

In yogic philosophy, God is Ishvara, and the sound of Ishvara is 'om'. Ishvara is the source of all knowledge and truth, a supreme spirit beyond the material world and any identifications with it, ungovernable by anything other than it's pure self, absolutely free from all the things that bind us - desires & attachments, aversions, ignorance, egosim and fear of death. Ishvara is limitess, beyond any action or karma in the world, eternal, a supreme soul. By drawing upon God within (as opposed to an external force to depend on or escape to) we can help free ourselves from the deluding forces of the world. Once we are free from those delusions, we naturally realise love, gratitude, compassion and faith - these are a natural manifestation that happens when we are free from our delusions.

Grace is always there, we just have to work hard to uncover it, like polishing mud from a golden statue. All this mud is our delusion - our view of what we think the world should be, personally, to us, individually. Or the individual groups to which we feel we belong.

It's our delusions then that creates 'bad' and 'good'. Highly subjective, they disturb our minds and pollute our hearts.

All this makes sense to me.

But other 'bad things' are harder me to wrap my head around. I can understand that bad things might happen because of the kleshas (ignorance, egoism, attachment, aversion, fear of death) but it's more of a struggle to consider, say, why masses might die in a Guatemalan volcano eruption, including innocent children. Some might argue it's karma - past life actions or actions in this life than neccessite some kind of cosmic redress. I don't really buy that - I'm more likely to think that we're bound to the forces of physics and matter like any thing in these multiverses. LIke trees and stones and animals, mountains and rivers, we are bound by these physical forces. We are born and we die, the flesh decays, we get sick - that's just the way it goes.

It's neither good nor bad. It's just thinking that makes it so, as Hamlet said.

It's part of human consciousness, this perception of an understanding of suffering - how us beings feel suffering, how we LIVE our suffering.

And so, this is what it is.

And this is so easy to say and so hard to live through. When Dad broke the news to me that he had an aggressive form of cancer I fell into his arms crying like I was five years old. Dad hugged me once then held me at arm's length: 'Kylie, this is just the way it goes. You know that. We're born, we die. That's okay. I'm okay with that'.

That didn't stop us thinking the whole way through 'it's not fair', or trying to find a reason for this thing that didn't match our view of a perfect world. It's human nature to do this, and I dare any of you to say 'Oh yeah, I didn't feel any of this' when [insert tragic event/suffering here]. In fact, even thinkingabout it makes me suffer - my chest tightens, my eyes fill with tears, and I long to fly home so I can just sit in Dad's company for a little while longer, because I know even whenhe recovers, he will die eventually and I will have to feel all that grief. And being me, boy will I feel it.

But we suffer - that' just the way it goes. Maybe it's because God - whatever form he/she/it may take (and I'm more inclined to believe it's a divine 'spark' or energy, eternal) is goodness, and we see that as perfection. What we believe to be good is how we believe the world should be. LIttle children should not die of heart failure because thier fathers cannot afford operations. Sisters and fathers should not get cancer. Woman should not be raped in war zones or in public parks in Melbourne. When these things happen they are confoudning, paradoxical, confusing. How can God exist if there is suffering because this doesn't match my expectation that the world shouldbe perfect?

Perhaps suffering is just a reminder that we are not our bodies, we are not our minds, we are not 'this' matter. Our real identity, our true selves doesn't have to be bound by this cycle of life and death - it's not our real home. We should be doing our best to work in loving service of God, the divine, Ishvara, Allah, Yahweh, whatever. God's not an asshole, but a force that's calling us to our true home.

How do we do this, then? Whilst some have been known to call the yogic path the devil's one, it's just a method like many other methods to help us lead a 'good' life and prepare for the inevitablity of death. I like it because it reminds me that I'm not my body or any of the things I identify with, but something beyond all that. And when bad things happen, there's less confusion - sure, it hurts, and might be incredibly painful, but beyond all that is so, so much more - an understanding that my true identity is beyond anything that might happen on this mortal coil.

So why do bad things happen even though we presume God exists? I don't know the answer - I'm just engaging with this human experience like the rest of us.

But let's take some wisdom about it from Thic Nat Hanh, the great Buddhist teacher. They may give us a little solace, or to learn from a little. They are little wisdoms which have helped me, and may help you too, because I reach out to you suffering ones with all my compassion.

• Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free

• Birth is okay and death is okay, if we know that they are only concepts in our mind. Reality transcends both birth and death

• Don’t throw away your suffering. Touch your suffering. Face it directly, and your joy will become deeper. You know that suffering and joy are both impermanent. Learn the art of cultivating joy. Practice like this, and you come to the third turning of the Third Noble Truth, the “Realization” that suffering and happiness are not two. When you reach this stage, your joy is no longer fragile. It is true joy

• Don’t run away from things that are unpleasant in order to embrace things that are pleasant. Put your hands in the earth. Face the difficulties and grow new happiness.

• (1) I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old. (2) I am of the nature to have ill-health. There is no way to escape having ill-health. (3) I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. (4) All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. (5) My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.

What do you think?

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