How TO get Out a HOle
Phewph, what timing on this QOTW! No sooner had i asked this question to you all then i fell into a very large and very familiar hole. I could feel it coming on, and maybe that’s why i asked this question! There are various things that can trigger me into falling into the abyss. which for me means that my whole world collapses around me.. i start to hate and resent everyone and everything around me.. i get stuck in a kind of psychosis where i just cant snap out of it.. It may continue for a few days, or longer.. depending on what I do with it.
Here's what I used to do, and what I Nearly did today. I woke up with a headache, which came after a day of intense stress yesterday. A few things all happened together, and their combined strength knocked me right off my feet and slam dunked into that very same hole that i have been in oh so many times.. If you are interested in what pushed me there it was a combination of missing out on a HUGE bitcoin trade, despite me being Oh so patient for weeks on end for that magic moment.. But Fear of missing out stopped me from preserving my gains, and despite my better judgement i miss out on a chance to make enough money to get to Europe and back this year for my 5 year visa run. The second thing is that I ran out of 'stuff' to smoke. Well, i let it happen, and want to stop smoking herbs and stuff, but when i do I usually have a calamitous day or three as my body readjusts.. I have smoked rather a lot of this stuff over my life, so its a major biochemistry change! Finally, I’ve been working on a project to help the 'Community' I live in.. well its not really a community at all, its an oligarchy run by a man who calls every shot and does whatever he wants.. even if it means ruining your efforts to improve a dilapidating area, and for no good reason! IT may not sound like much, but maybe some of you know how it feels to see something dying, and you know just what to do, but you are powerless to really do it! Grrrrrrr.
SO!
I woke up feeling like crap, with a headache.. and no desire to do anything really.. I did manage to meditate for 45 minutes , which in itself is a small miracle, i guess i have grown!>.. But it was one of those 45 minutes of pure pointless thoughts.. so i just let myself vent in my own mind for the whole time.. Finally before the last 5 minutes i just gave up though as i was getting angry. Then I went back to bed for an hour in the hope of quashing this headache.. I woke up, and felt worse.
NOW
A few years ago I would have just continued this.. I would have opened up you-tube and watched the same stuff ive been watching for years.. boring stuff.. never ends, nothing much interesting happens.. but i can watch it all day and night.. and in the old days I would have done just that. If i do this i end up feeling even worse, and by the end of a day or two like this I am basically no use to humanity or myself any longer.. I know Clara my dear old partner would testify to this pattern with all her might! Poor girl had to sit through collapsed Alex on many a day and night..
BUT
I’ve seen this pattern a hundred times, and i KNOW what I have to do to get out of this shitty feeling.. And so far toady i M doing it. What works for me? Well to start i HAVE to wash all the dishes that are piled up .. that process alone makes me feel half human again, and not seeing all that mess makes my day feel all the better. Then I went for a 20 minute walk up the mountain and saw a few faces at the community restaurant here. I said hi to a couple of people and told them how shitty i feel .. They made me a masalla dosa which was nice, i needed to eat as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday.. Then i came home, and my headache had subsided. I felt much more positive, and even put my clothes in the washing machine!
AND SO
So that is where I am now today, at 11:57am.. The day could easily still go either way.. i am fighting the urge to go to bed, and will make lunch shortly.. and then i MUST go for a proper walk or do some strong exercise. If there is one thing that can take me out of a hole it is exercise. It is like magic.. I do have a punching bag, its been hanging up behind me for 5 years.. i never use it! Clara used to come and smack it up sometimes, and I would get a bit scared.. but its so therapeutic.. Maybe i can try to punch it today, or else i can dig some holes or do something useful.
All i know is that if i don’t get up and do SOMETHING, the rest of the day will be really a waste of time!
Thanks for listening to my venting and druthers.. I hope im some way it can help you... sitting in a hole is a terrible feeling and such a waste of life.. and totally necessary suffering most of the time!
Now time to make some lunch. Today is Tom Yum Thai Curry to wake my mind up and soothe my soul...
Have a great day, and watch out for those holes!
xx
This post is in response to the ecoTrain Question Of The Week
ecoTrain Question Of The Week: How Do You Get Out And Stay Out Of An Emotional Hole?
We all have good days and bad days, but sometimes those bad days can take hold and turn into a bad month, year or more! When we fall into a hole it can be hard work to get out, and sometimes we need a little help from our friends to do so. We all react differently to our circumstances, but some of us are able to keep our head up above water better than others. I have personally learned some tricks that work for me, such as music, exercise, and meditation.. and of course Steem!
So this week's question is a time for us all to share and learn from each other, to try out some new tricks that can help us keep our heads above water,. and break old patterns that may not be serving us. I would like you to share anything that you know that works, whether it be something simple like a daily plan or routine, or making time to hang with the cats.. Maybe you have a more complicated system to help you manage your mental health, if so I'd love to hear about it!
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Yeah, I remember reading this post. It was the one that inspired me to shamelessly sing my big-city-blues in last week's QOTW. I just wanted to say how much I can relate to it: the escapist practices, such as videos and cannabis are certainly there, as well as the physical activity (or lack thereof). As far as meditation is concerned... it's there, it's coming, or conversely I'm going towards it. So, no worries about your venting. If anything, I appreciated the excuse of doing the same.
If I had made this post, I'd be saying to myself.. "there you go again redeeming those baggage claims"
It's when life's baggage (scars) claim any of your present.
My theory is that a person can not hold two different thoughts in the mind. I can't, it hurts to even try. :) but then I'm a simple man.
Time for me to take back control and that baggage is not worth considering, so... get damn angry with it, even invite it in long enough to kick it out, practice it, recognize it, reject it.
Replace it with some loving thoughts towards someone and better yet, a kind act. Let me get outside, got to the store or somewhere I can smile at someone, maybe spread some kindness. They say it's like spreading jam, you always get some on yourself.
I feel the warm sun and sense life all around me. I know the problems of this world, I've felt the cruelty but I'm not thinking of them today, their problems are their own. I will exercise the truth I know, my truth, not theirs.
I'm not giving up smoking any time soon. :) I've always been very high strung... turns me from Mr Hyde to Gandhi. LOL
It's funny, kinda, that when I don't smoke, no one likes me because I'm too serious, too reserved and if I do smoke, no one likes me because I'm too friendly. It's okay, love you all, no judgement.
Wishing you a wonderful day, Alex.
thanks a lot for this.. some good advice.. maybe that punch bag is coming out!
not advice, just throwing out some thoughts well intended but not presuming I'm smart enough to advise anyone on anything. didn't mean it that way. :)
I don't know much but I know you put some righteous content on the blockchain, benefit to humanity.
that's a good thing
Doing the household chores helps me when I'm struggling too. There's something about having things in order around you that seems to soothe the mind. I guess its feeling like there's at least a little something productive you can achieve when everything else is getting beyond your control.
I’m glad you're feeling a little better today.
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I'm happy you're feeling better. It is interesting, because unlike many people you have created your own "formula" to get out of these situations. Keep doing something, do something productive. In other words, distract yourself from the bad things of the day.
Having the will to do it is not something that many have, that's why mentality and determination is so important to manage this type of situation.
Good post, see you in the next one. Peace!
I, too, am a serial dishwasher to try and restore outer order when my inner world feels untidy and grubby - and I'm a chronic sweeper. I wanted to bring you tea with flowers on the tray to make you smile when I read how grumpy and out of sorts you have been feeling. Just know that even days spent feeling blurgh and dong 'nothing' are never wasted - the simple act of you BEING and going-sharing through this process yesterday made me smile and made me feel a little bit less of a failure... and gave me permission to take a break and recharge last night after I read this. Much love to you. x
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Wow great post and love how you can self observe and turn it around. Cleaning and exercising is very helpful for me too!! It’s amazing what some fresh air can do for the soul. Thanks for sharing and I can relate to some of those frustrations! Great example of self reflection and self care🙏🏻
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Have a nice day and keep up the good work!