Who, What am I and Why? The Struggle within.

In the beginning there was no direction and I did not have control.
Now, at the age I am, (@ the time of writing this, 53 years of age), I wonder what has happened to the reality and existence of life. What did I miss along the way? Did I miss something, or is this just some convolution of variables, so unpredictable, uncontrollable, and outside my realm of human abilities?
I never did have control over anything but myself. Perhaps that is my question of why.

Questions of depth beyond the cognitive reach, yet so perplexing, I can hardly resist.
To have thought at one point in time of my life, I would have arrived at some level of Adulthood. Only to come to that point of determined arrival to find, it is infested with Childhood. That is to say in description, that we all are playing the same game of childhood that we played in the School Yard Playground during “Recess” or in the school cafeteria during lunch. You remember, the little groups we would collect into, how we would make comments or statements of how Johnny looked today and talk with a scowl about little Johnny. Maybe we picked on someone just because we could. Picked a fight with one of the outcast kids because we knew his/her family was hard off and came from the poor side of town. You know the little clicks we got into, because we were in an atmosphere that fostered that kind of demented mentality. Yes, kids will always be kids. Nothing about life is actually taught in a way that we learn to use it for ourselves in a reality based moralistic manner.
Social Engineering, is that what it was or is?
I most certainly do recognize a form of social engineering going on. The societal creation that exists today has changed so much over the years since I was born. I recognize allot of ideas, and opinions of far less wisdom and intellect becoming the norm. I am seeing past ideas begin to become less important and in some cases embarrassing. People who believe that the way they think is what it truly is, as in no one knows any better than they. More people who have no ability to be individual, having to look up to someone else to live they’re life. The result of the beginning years in school with all our little buddies playing in the playground, all of whom now have become older and think they are doing adult things living what they think is truly life. Have we grown up?
Are You an Individual, or do you have to fit in with the Click, or Crowd of fools?
I would like to say that maybe we are individual, but the true fact is, we ARE individual and we just do not use it the right way. The entitlement problem is so prevalent today. People think they are entitled to something. Why and how did it become that way and was it ever really that way and should it be now?
It was a Social Engineering effort to get our society to be this way. This is a paralyzing effect on the whole of the public domain. Thus making the crowd more docile by default of condition, thus controllable herds of Sheep just following along, right to the slaughter, they want that handout.
Generations of “give me kids”. This Design of Social Engineering came from the nutcase Jungian/Freudian psychological bends, induced by psychedelic drugs 60’s freaks that run the show these days. Just watch as these Morons have infested our government and won’t let go of it, because they never really became anything else more than a college experiment and they found a way to make it look like government, news media, and social programs. That’s all they learned, how to be a college experiment and then they turned it into what we see as our adulthood. Absolutely pathetic, and for some reason corruption is the resulting norm. This was something these nutjerks protested so vehemently when they were in college as young kids in the late teens and early twenties. You know, the ones who spit on the Us Soldier, returning from the Vietnam War. The violation of an individual that didn’t really want to do what he or she was doing. The corruption of morals to be and do as they did, now being perpetrated upon following generations. The condition of society so terribly disorientated. Unbelievable mental debotchury of what real life should be.
The Dream; What? Was it the American Dream? Did we all fall for a Fallacy? Yes, sucker right on in there you fool.
I have traveled the world. I have lived in foreign countries. I have been in countries where the American was considered a Demon. I have been in countries where people would have rather just shot me than to try and speak my language. Places where the indigenous people treated me like I was a stupid human being, because they knew I was American. I wonder what I did to receive this. I was good to them and respectable to their customs. I was polite and helpful when need be. Yet, because I am a US citizen and spoke only English, I was less than they in their eyes. I wish I could have presented better to them. Though I still survived, and in some cases, overcame the obstacles and stigmas to have a great time and experience, I still have the memory of beginnings that were sour. Maybe it is not their fault for the stigma, and most certainly I take credit for myself, but I don’t believe I carried America to them, and certainly I did not think any of these foreign encounter’s did I consider any of them to be less than myself. In fact, I was mesmerized by the existence of such people and the fact I would experience the countries, and people within them. It was a bitter sweet experience for me.
If it were a dream, I most certainly experienced a blessed path. If it were a reality, I most certainly am real for it all. How could this be a chance of a life time? When in fact this has been what amounts to a life time I am very THANKFULL for. I still have time left, but what shall I do with it? I am surrounded by people who do not realize what they are doing let alone realize themselves in their own self mirror.
Do I want to be a part of this strange and hideous society I am by proxy a part of?
I see something happening these day’s that is troublesome to say the least in description. So immense and so very intense is this path of social reality that in my eyes portrays a false sense of existence now. How does one reveal to a mentally blind crowd of weak minded followers. I don’t want anyone to follow me, and I don’t want to follow them, but I don’t want to have to deal with the bullshit they come up with that is supposed to be helpful, yet it is only destructive to all our wellbeing. I want to get out of the crowd. I do not feel entitled to any of the supposed benefits.
What is the truth? How do we continue with this perpetual false reality without realizing how damaging it is? Denial is blindness to our dilemma.
I am wondering why. When will this stop? When will the herd see the truth and see the actual corruption that is right in front of them. If one tries to explain these obvious events, the obvious obstructions, the obvious crimes, seeing obvious criminals in our government act on their crimes perpetrated on our society, not even understanding the effect that ends up affecting us individually as a whole society; you end up getting accused of being a conspiracy theorist and laughed at, thus they kill the messenger for revealing the truths obvious before them. The herd is blind. I don’t want to be a part of the herd. I can see hear and understand the false reality to be just that. I am so tired of having to deal with people who are blind and won’t go beyond their little bubble of reality.

Author: sidmarklong