Comfortably NumbsteemCreated with Sketch.

in writing •  11 months ago


Comfortably Numb


Noah shot himself. Again.

The words made him smile through the fresh numbness, even though he probably looked like a fool with that big dopey grin on his face. Not that it mattered, of course. Not anymore. He had bigger fish to fry. Everyone here did. Some of them already were fried, or frying, or roasting. In hell, maybe. Probably.

(This has been a short story preview)

This is a contest entry for @jonknight's First Fiction Contest - Armistice.

Image Credit for title image. Edited by @negativer

Story title borrowed from Pink Floyd's song of the same name

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Incredible story, man. You can knock out one hell of a tale filled with some strong emotions attached! I'm extremely impressed. :)

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My thanks for reading! I'm happy I created some kind of impression!

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Told you!!!
Neg is a freak of nature. He scares me, how well he can write.

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You were spot on! This guy is oozing talent...

Hi @negativer. A Treasure Hunter from the Isle of Write found this two-part story to be a gem worthy of curating and, if you accept, publication in our upcoming anthology series.

This post explains our curation project and what this means for you! A 5 SBD reward should appear in your wallet momentarily. Please navigate to the The Isle of Write on Discord and type @TreasureHunter into any chat to inform us of your arrival. As soon as possible an Isle Treasure Hunter will contact you to answer any questions you may have and verify if you would like to be included in the publication.

Congratulations, and thank you for sharing your talent with the Steemit Fiction community!

IOW COLOR MAP.png
art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics

Guy, you are a really good writer. When is your first novel coming out?

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'Eventually'.

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Haha!! I liked this... For me, I don't want to have a novel, but maybe a short story collection?

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My question exactly.

Congratulations! This story has been curated by The SFT. :-) A small SBD reward has been transferred to your wallet.

https://steemit.com/curation/@sft/the-sft-curates-11-10-17

It has been added to the Literary Reading Room at the SFT Library.

http://sftlibrary.com/

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Thanks to the SFT team for the curation and the bonus! You have a quality list of stories on that site already that I'm proud to join.

Beautiful. I stumbled upon your story thanks to today's "Meet A Mod" post—wonderful story.

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Thanks for reading! Always cool to have someone come in and read something from MONTHS ago on steemit, and still have it be good content. That's the upside to fiction writing; it ages well, whereas much of the content on steemit does not.

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I hear you there. Timelessness is a necessary quality of truly good work.

Beautifully written. I still haven't cried...

...honest

...it was DUST!

In muh eyes.

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Has it just been raining...
On your face?

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Nobody questions your manhood. Nobody. The UK is a dusty place. Probably because it's so old.

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Haha @gmuxx! I think "he got" us all. (wimper)

Also...

This gem of a post was discovered by the OCD Team!

Reply to this comment if you accept, and are willing to let us share your gem of a post! By accepting this, you have a chance to receive extra rewards and one of your photos in this article may be used in our compilation post!

You can follow @ocd – learn more about the project and see other Gems! We strive for transparency.

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Accepted, with pleasure and honor!

Comfortably numb, one of the few Floyd songs I actually like ;-)

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Same. It was all a bit before my time, I think, but I at least recognize that one.

Well written, very vivid imagery. Kind of reminds me of how I felt the first time I watched the beach scene of Saving Private Ryan.

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Thanks! I know exactly the feeling your describing.

Ahh my heart hurts DX Awesome writing :)

goatsig

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Wow, this was a great piece @negativer. You painted the environment vividly and brought me into the struggle. Well done. Great song too... always gave me gooseflesh listening to it.

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I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!

I don't cry. But this was great storytelling.

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Thank you for reading!

Immensly enjoyed. Only cried a little bit, but it did bring back memories of a war movie I watched ages ago. I couldn't sleep and turned on the TV at 2 or 3am and came across "The Execution of Pvt. Slovick" in the middle of the movie, but I watched it and cried like a baby for it seemed like hours. Thanks for the story and bringing up the memory of this movie. I checked it out on Wikipedia​ and found out that there is a reference to the non-fiction account of the story in Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughter House Five, one​ of my all-time​ favorite books and movies. Billy Pilgrim

upvoted, following and resteemed


SDG

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Thank you for reading, and I'm glad it resonated with you in some way. I found the movie you mentioned and will put it on my 'stuff to watch' list. Looks like it's a good one!

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Execution of Pvt Slovick or Slaughter House Five?

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Ah, 'The Execution of Pvt. Slovick'. I had never heard/seen the movie, but looks very interesting.

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it's weird that I even remember it. Over the years it comes up and I attempt to hunt it up and watch from the start, but I've never got around to doing it. I'm going to have to hunt it up again now and actually watch it. Who knows if it will have the same effect as when I watched it almost 40 years ago.

I am going to cry into my shirt now. Damn, man!

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I'm glad you...enjoyed it 😪 Thanks for reading!

Amazing! I would find it hard to even visualize a story like this in my mind, not to mention write.
The way you describe the environment, emotions, behaviours and expressions really make the reader visualize it but you never make it too clear (especially at the beginning) so there's curiosity through the read.

Awesome short story, thank you!
Will make sure to check more of your stuff 😉

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Thank you for reading, and appreciating the pacing! Storytelling is about timing the revelations as much as it is the plot or characters.

Now that’s a good story. Gripped me till the end! Love it.

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Thanks for reading! I appreciate it!

Well you did it...made me cry. God, what a story! Heart wrenching are the only words that fit. I would and will say "Great Job!', once I am fully composed. Dang you, @negativer!

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Thank you for saying so. A good story has to leave some kind of impact, so I'm happy...that you're sad. I guess? :) Thanks!

As I told you at the block, you knocked this outta the park. Great job Negativer! You captured so many aspects incredibly well here. I knew it was WW2 before the other soldier entered the picture. The thought process as the gravely wounded soldier contemplated his injuries. Amazingly done from every angle.

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Thank you sir. I appreciate your comments, coming from someone who has actually seen some of the things I'm trying to write about.

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Just so there's no misunderstanding, I did not serve in the military.

Many of my co-workers have. But despite my lack of military service, I have dealt with co-workers dying on the job. I have trained for life-or-death situations and building the mental preparedness for such things. I know what it's like to trust the people you work with to possibly save your life and for them to return that trust. These facts, and experiences on the job, have provided me a small understanding of what soldiers deal with in combat. What sliver of light I've seen in that regard is what made some aspects of your story stick out in some ways others might not see.

And now that I've thought about it, I realized something else. At first the soldier's mentality of his injury is lighthearted, "guess I won't be able to wear pants." He's still holding to that mental toughness; continue the fight and be the one who goes home. When the story ended I thought, 'I don't know if I could be as gracious as him in that moment.' Your training instills many things: reaction is slower than action, your capacity for violence could make the difference to survive, etc. Then I saw, the realization and acceptance of his death is what made the opportunity for an uncommon act of grace... otherwise he would have killed that Nazi soldier as quick as possible.

Outstanding writing.

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Right, I think you had mentioned you had seen some of the 'blood and guts' side of things, which is far from anything I've seen, and I respect that. I'm not confronted with death ... at all. So, those that see it in their jobs (EMTs, doctors, soldiers, etc) I have the highest respect for, since they are constantly confronted with their own mortality at every turn. I can't imagine that is easy.

Thank you for the additional info, clarification, and personal insights :)

Finally got to read this and was it ever worth it! Great story, fantastic writing.

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My thanks, and I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!

@negativer,
Incredibly WOW! Thanks for the story, completely blown away by it.
@Lymmerik

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Thanks! As I mentioned on discord, sometimes it's nice to hit the nail squarely once in a while :)

Hello again my friend,

Stopping by to say "Woot!" and Congratulations on your contest win. ;)
More than well deserved. :D

😄😇😄

@creatr

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Thank you sir! Yours was equally good, and I can't wait to read more in that world you're assembling!

Oh my! Stunning doesn't come close to describing this piece. You drew so much emotion from the setting, and characters.

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Thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by negativer 🥓 from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews/crimsonclad, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.

That was beautiful. "Something collapsed nearby, then settled into an uneasy peace with whatever it had fallen upon. " Man, whatever you're doing that isn't writing, just stop. Please.

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Thanks for reading! (And welcome to the Writers Block!) :)

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Well said, ratbastard. Oh wait. I probably shouldn't call you that here. LOLOL! But I agree with your advice for him.

I finally got time to read this!! Awesome, but painful story... Is it based on WWII? it's really interesting... Can't understand the other language (German I assume.) so some parts got over me...

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Yes, pretty much a WWII scenario, and the language is indeed real German. Thanks for reading!

Well heck. You just made a girl cry. Your mama must be so proud. ;-)

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That makes two of us.

Yeah, I'm two months late, so what?
The prose was flawless, and the story was absolutely painful, yet, somehow had a flicker of hope. Only you, man. Thanks for writing!

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Much appreciated! Better late than never, and a good story isn't like lunch meat in the fridge; it ought to stay good for a while :) Thanks for reading!

You have a real talent for writing brutal, raw, painful human emotion.

This is really good.

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Thank you for reading! I do plan to someday write something with a bit of humor. Someday.

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You just did!

Hi, @negativer,

I've finally gotten here to read the final version. Outstanding. Gut-wrenching. Thanks.

Congratulations on your SFT curation, and best wishes in the contest, compadre! ;)

😄😇😄

@creatr

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My thanks for reading it! Congrats on your SFT curation as well!