Writing Fiction novels - a progression 4

I have a few more stories to share with you. Unfortunately, they're all in an unfinished state - but I really would like to finish them.

Because the experiment with Ash's story went so well, I'd like to continue it. I know I'm sort of doing that with Daughters of Le Fey, but I don't want to inflict my teachings on you too much (I don't want to sound like I know everything there is to know about editing. The truth is, I don't).

BUT, if I share a snippet of these stories with you, I can get a little feedback on what you guys like best out of them all.

Pictures from Google Free to Use and Pixabay Images

I need to tell you all that this post has been made under duress! I am being coerced, threatened (not quite, but you know...) and bullied... (OK, I've gone too far now... rein it in...)

Third time lucky... I started writing this story as a Just to see if I can write 'normal' exercise. When I read it out to Dani and Trev, they both asked similar questions - the conversations went something like: "Oooh, what's that? Vampire?" and they didn't believe me that it was a 'vanilla' and normal type of story.

Because I'm searching for my lost projects, Trev insisted I put this one in there, to see if everyone likes it enough to vote it as being the next one I actually finish

As I said... I don't DO 'normal... please don't vote for this one... :D

Here's the fourth - no title, no cover... but the characters are speaking to me (Please don't tell Trev I admitted to that).

This is not edited, I wrote it and forgot about it and now I'm putting it out here, for people to look at and this is certainly NOT my comfort zone!

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Amelia saw him watching her across the bar and she knew that he had seen her glancing over. He sipped his drink and lowered his eyes to the dance floor, he watched the feet tripping their own lights fantastic and she had time to appraise him. He wasn’t her usual type at all.

He was dark haired where she preferred blondes.

He seemed quiet and reserved whereas she usually went straight for the life and soul of the party but there was something about him that kept drawing her attention back to him. It was the first time he had broken the stare and she was curious, but not curious enough to approach him. She turned her back and continued chatting with her friends.

“He’s looking at you again,” Sophie said.

“Are you sure it’s not you he’s looking at? It’s usually you they want to talk to.”

Sophie smiled at the compliment. “Yeah but they never seem to stick around very long. They want one thing and as soon as they get it, they’re off like a shot. And don’t bother telling me I should hold back and not put out so soon, it’s no use, I can’t help it!”

“At least you get the attention; I only attract the older guys lately. I’d just like to try one normal date for a change, I’m sick of guys cheating on their girlfriends and being too cheap to take me out on a proper date. A drive around in their car and a fumble in the back seat is the most they can offer,” she said with a sigh.

“Well buck up chick, I think your luck’s in tonight, he’s coming over,” Sophie said and nudged her friend.

She didn’t turn to look; Sophie wouldn’t have played a trick on her. She waited and he touched her arm with a gentle hand. She looked around to see him standing right at her side. He had close-shaved skin and piercing blue eyes. His hair was longer than fashion dictated but it suited him and the suit he wore looked a little out of place amongst the designer t-shirt wearing ‘in crowd’ but again, it set him apart from the rest. Her breath caught in her throat as he smiled at her and she was delighted when she realised that it really wasn’t Sophie he was interested in at all.

“Hello. May I buy you a drink?” he said in a voice that was deep and mysterious, with the slightest hint of a foreign accent.

She couldn’t say a word for a moment as his eyes locked on hers. She was afraid that she would swoon; up close he was more delicious than she had first thought.

She took a deep breath and just as Sophie was about to answer his question for her, she managed to find the words. “Yes, thank you.”

He nodded and turned. He hadn’t asked her what she was drinking but he’d been watching for a while and she guessed he knew what she’d asked for every time she went to the bar.

He surprised them when he returned with a bottle of Champagne and five glasses. A table opened up just ahead of him and he took advantage and placed the bottle and glasses on it. He beckoned them over and Sophie took the initiative and led her friends over to the table.

“Oh wow, ‘Melia, you’ve hit the jackpot!” Sophie whispered.

The cork was eased from the bottle with expertise that didn’t surprise the friends, and the first glass was handed to Amelia. She took it and waited for the other three and their host to take a glass too.

He lifted his glass, tipped it slightly towards her and nodded before he sipped the bubbly liquid. Sophie smiled when Steph giggled at the bubbles and Amelia couldn’t seem to wipe the grin from her face.

The rest of the evening flew past in a whirl of Champagne and laughter. Davis was generous and refused to allow the girls to pay for any of their drinks for the rest of the evening, whether it was Champagne or their usual tipple.

He was charming, amusing and elegant and Amelia wondered how he had been standing alone without anyone else trying to chat him up.

“Oh, some did try but I wasn’t interested,” he said when she asked as they were walking to the club where they had arranged to get their taxi. “May I see you again?” he said.

“Yes, I think that would be lovely,” she replied as she got into the taxi.

He knocked on the driver’s window, gave him a folded note and said, “Keep the change, but drive carefully.”

The driver glanced at the money in his hand and grinned. “Whatever you say,” he said.

The taxi was filled with the excited and drunken laughter from the girls on their way home. None of them realised that though Davis had requested to see Amelia again, he had neither taken her number, nor given his own.

They were staying at Deb’s house as arranged and they thought it would take ages to get to sleep because of how excited they had been in the taxi, but in reality, they were out like lights, slumped on the sofa and chair before they finished their coffee.

During the night and early morning, they drifted off up to bed until Amelia was left alone on the sofa.

She woke up before dawn had broken and was disoriented because of the strange surroundings. Her head ached and her mouth was dry. She sat up and looked around, befuddlement and confusion making her head spin, or was it the Champagne?

Eventually she realised where she was and what had happened and she stumbled to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

The garden was dark and swathed in shadow as she looked out through the window. She hadn’t turned on the light; her head wouldn’t have thanked her for it she thought.

A figure appeared outside, right up against the window. Amelia dropped the glass and it shattered in the sink. She didn’t know whether to scream or shout for help but she could do nothing but watch as Davis tapped gently on the window and he beckoned her outside.

Her head was pounding but the sensation of hangover was muted, somehow subdued and it wasn’t the usual raging headache that she could have expected from a night of over-indulgence and mixing her drinks.

She unlocked the patio door and stepped bare-foot out onto the cold concrete outside the door. Amelia’s brain didn’t register the cold, though her body was shuddering in moments. There was a pre-dawn frost and it crunched under her toes as she stepped closer to Davis.

“I couldn’t wait to see you,” he said. Then he placed his hand under her chin, tilted it upwards and leaned down to kiss her lips.

She closed her eyes in anticipation and his lips touched hers in a tender, gossamer-light kiss. She sighed and he took the sigh as encouragement. The kiss became more impassioned and deeper; his arms wrapped around her and pulled her close to his body. Her arms went around his neck; she kissed him back with equal vigour and was once again on the verge of swooning but he pulled back from the kiss to look into her eyes.

She knew that she must look a mess because she hadn’t cleaned her makeup off from the night before, but he didn’t seem to see or care. He was looking beyond the tired makeup and into her eyes. She couldn’t blink or tear her gaze from the unfathomable pools of his eyes and she felt tears begin to prick and well up in her own.

“You’re crying? Why are you crying?” he said in a husky whisper.

“You’re so beautiful, I think I’m in love,” she murmured.

He laughed but he was not making fun of her, he was genuinely delighted at her words. She smiled and the spell was broken, she looked away and he allowed her to stand on her feet again.

“Ooh, bugger, it’s cold!” she said.

“Yes it is, go back inside and get warm.”

“I didn’t give you my number, or my name,” she said.

“I know. I realised when you had left. I had to phone every taxi firm in town to find the taxi that brought you home. Then I had to match his price to bring me here.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” she said.

“I’m not. It was worth it to find you. Here’s my card, ring me tomorrow evening perhaps?”

“Yes, of course, absolutely,” she said. She looked at the card but it only had a phone number on it. It wasn’t a hand written number, it was printed, like any other business card she’d ever seen but there wasn’t a name anywhere, just the phone number.

He waved at her and disappeared around the corner of the house; she heard the garden gate click as it closed behind him.

She locked the patio door and went upstairs to try and grab some more sleep.

Later, almost noon and the four girls were up and awake, but only just. Debs’ parents were away and she was struggling with the duties of host. She insisted on getting the breakfast ready but she was hung over and not up to the task. Sophie, Amelia and Steph rescued her at last and chipped in to make a rudimentary ‘hangover cure’ breakfast. Orange juice, black coffee, water and toast with the promise of a more substantial meal later, when they’d all recovered.

When they had settled down at the table, the subject of conversation on everyone’s mind was Amelia’s new friend.

She told them what she knew. He was in England on business, it had been his last night and he wanted to see the nightlife he’d missed all week because of work. He was an only child and his father (yes, he’d called him ‘father’) was head of a corporation. No, she hadn’t asked what corporation and she hadn’t asked his last name so the friends couldn’t Google him. That was as much as Amelia could remember; apart from his dreamy blue eyes and his sexy smile.

“Who broke the glass in the sink last night? I had to clear it away before I started breakfast,” Debs said.

The other three looked at each other and suddenly Amelia remembered the early morning shock she’d had. “Oh, I’m sorry, that was me,” she said and told the friends about how much trouble Davis had taken to make sure she could contact him.

“That’s so romantic,” Steph said.

“Really? Romantic? Stalking and prowling is romance now?” Debs said, but she was grinning as she spoke. “Yeah, it is, it’s romantic.”

They stayed at Debs’ house all afternoon, chilling, watching TV, chatting and recovering from the night before. Amelia made sure Davis’ card was in her bag before she left and she went home, excited to call him.

He’d specified she call in the evening so she waited ‘til after five o’clock before phoning. The phone rang five times before going to answer machine. Amelia left a message, “Hi, it’s Amelia, we met last night. I’ll call again later, bye.”

The next time she rang it went straight to answer machine and she didn’t want to appear needy or desperate so she didn’t leave a message. The next few times she tried, the number came up as unavailable and Amelia went to bed disappointed. She sent a text to Sophie, ‘Davis not answering – gutted. Night chick xoxox’

The reply came back almost instantaneously, ‘Awe babe, gutted 4 u xoxox’.

Amelia waited to see if he’d return her calls but when he didn’t, she put him out of her mind and chalked it up to a good night out but nothing more.

Weeks later, Amelia’s phone announced she had a message one Friday afternoon. ‘Get your bags packed, we’re off to Italy!’

The message was from Steph and it had multiple recipients, Sophie and Debs had received the same message.

There was a flurry of to-and-fro messages all afternoon and Amelia had to turn off the sound on her phone because she was attracting unwanted glares from her office manager at work. She had a massive grin with each new message that came in and set her phone vibrating but she daren’t look at the messages until she was on the way home on the bus.

Steph was addicted to cheap deals on the Internet and she’d found a ‘never to be repeated offer’ for five nights on the Italian Riviera. The catch was they had to fly out there the next day. Amelia panicked; she should have read the damn messages while she was at work. She didn’t know if she’d be able to get time off at such short notice and Debs’ advice of ‘throwing a sickie’ wouldn’t wash, especially if she returned to work on Thursday or Friday with a sun-kissed glow.

Amelia phoned work in the hope that Geraldine, her boss was still there.

When she’d squared the time off with Geraldine, she sent a message back to all recipients, ‘I’m in! Bags being packed as soon as I get home! What’s the plan?’

Another explosion of messages had her giggling on the bus and she was giddy with excitement when she got home.

She ran upstairs, calling, “Hi mum, I’m home!” and went to start packing.