How I Write. Lesson 10

Lessons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,9

I have been asked in replies on my blogs, in chat and in person. I've been asked to give tutorials and teach people how to write. I've thought about it, I've considered it and now I've started it.

I'm not sure I can teach YOU how to write like I do, but I can tell you how I developed my own style and maybe, hopefully, that will help you develop yours.

These are my books. It took two years to write my first book - and another nine years to publish it.

My Amazon.co.uk page

Google (free use) images and Pixabay

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Basic Advice on Writing 3

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The ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ Lesson.

I know you’ve heard it before, ‘Show, don’t tell’… but what exactly does all that mean? Surely you’re reading it in a book so it’s ALL tell… isn’t it?

Well, yes… but no.

This is telling you what is happening. The effects of adrenaline can be visual, but the science behind it has to be told.

I didn’t realise that adrenaline can render you utterly useless until I studied it for this book. I suppose I must have known at some point, because I did seem to have an ‘AH-HA!’ moment.

So the whole three paragraphs are taken up by telling you what CAN happen when adrenaline dumps into your bloodstream.

He knew adrenalin would have begun to course through her veins, she looked to have it under control for now, but who knew how long she would manage that? At the very next shock, her whole system would be flooded with it and that would convert her brain into a useless lump of offal.

Powerless to think clearly it would in turn, make her limbs incapable of response – this is the result of the ‘fright’ instinct. Or she could start punching and kicking and screaming like a banshee – the instinct to ‘fight’. The last alternative would be the ‘flight’ instinct, but she had nowhere to run, he blocked her path to the safety of her car.

He had been the cause and seen the effects of all possibilities and used them many times as tools of his trade.

Then I show the reader how the stalker is relishing his prey.

He studied her for a moment, then he lifted his chin and sniffed, catching her scent – she smelled clean but wore no perfume - a bonus - he preferred that. He half closed his eyes and savoured her scent.

Half-closed his eyes

Have you ever done that when you catch the smell of something delicious?

Then I set the scene, giving the reader a sense of where the attack is going to take place.

The alley was not very broad, just wide enough to pass another adult in, and he seemed to make the spaces on either side of him appear too small to allow her to get past him.

Rather than saying, ‘It was a narrow path,’ the scene is set. Cramped, confined space, no way for her to get past without his permission.

He spoke first as though this situation was normal: "Hello," he said with a smile, very aware of how attractive he was. “You’re quite fit, aren’t you?”

Cocky, arrogant, self-assured.

"What?" She stammered, perplexed at his opening statement. She was still leaning against the wall as though her legs were having difficulty in supporting her. Then, seeming to realise that she already looked like a victim, she pushed herself upright.

Legs shaking, she realised she already looked like a victim.

She brushed aside his attempt at conversation and said, "Excuse me please; I need to go to my car." She raised her hand in indication to the direction she wanted to go.

As we all do (I think?), she showed him the direction she wanted to go.

"Sure" he replied, his smile not wavering and he moved closer to one wall, he knew that the broad smile he flashed, his silk shirt which clung to his muscled torso in all the right places, combined with his slightly exotic features helped to distract females in this situation, it was just one more tool for him to use as he indulged in his favourite nocturnal activity.

Rather than being aggressive and behaving exactly as an attacker might, he throws her off-guard, making her believe she’s got him oh-so-wrong and she may even feel a little silly for over-reacting.

Again, we’ve all been wrong about something and felt silly for our mistake. It throws us off-balance and we want to make amends, apologise.

There was still not enough room in which to pass without invading what she considered 'his space' and she did not move.

Again, another way of making her feel like she was over-reacting.

He tipped his head in the direction of the exit, as if to indicate that she was keeping him from his journey.

No one likes to think we’re inconveniencing anyone else, especially as they’re being so nice about it all.

She appeared wary, but took the hint and started to go forward, not wishing to appear foolish by being scared of this amenable and striking man.

She tensed as she passed him because she knew that he would grab her, yet when he did she was rendered rigid.

Tensing for a blow or an attack is a natural animal instinct. I showed she was scared by latching on to something that we all recognise as a signifier for fear – a tense body.

With her tucked under his arm like a bundle of laundry - he was deceptively strong, even taking his height into account – and he carried her back down the alley with little effort.

Another snippet of back-story:

He didn't need to cover her mouth; the woman was in shock already and could not even make a murmur, let alone scream. Not like that one bitch last month, she screamed the place down! Still, screaming didn't do her any good, and this one's silence won't save her either.

Raising the tension and encouraging the reader to form their own questions:

What one last month? What happened last month?

Remember she was concerned because her colleagues had told her about attacks on women in the area… just last month?

That device is called ‘Fore-Shadowing’ – you can go back in the book and actually read the clues to the event and now you know what they mean, it’s another ‘AH-HA!’ moment.

Rather than writing:
‘He attacked her,’

I’ve shown HOW he attacked her.

He stopped just at the bend, shielded a little from casual passers-by but he still glanced either way just to make sure. He pushed her up against the wall quite gently, his right forearm held her across her collarbone. He leaned against her, his head just lower than her throat and he looked up at her face, taking his time to appraise her.

“I said you’re fit aren’t you? I watched you jump the gate at the top of the hill.” A slight foreign accent tinted his voice.

He has his own method of building tension and he’s enjoying himself.

“Oh, you’d been following me further than I thought then. Was that you on the top of the viaduct too?” She asked quite calm and less scared than she had seemed a few seconds ago.

A little more fore-shadowing, that was the reason for her looking up…

“Yes. I didn’t know if you’d seen me or not.” He sniffed her again, and said: “You are on your period.” He made the personal comment sound as though it was something that she would be unaware of.

And an extra little ‘UGH!’ moment to throw the reader off-balance even more than they thought possible.

Tension… we can see what’s coming…

“Am I?” She didn’t seem upset or annoyed that he had been so very intrusive with his statement. He grinned at her again, a leer in his eyes and on his smile.

Then she surprised him more by turning the conversation again. "You murdered those women didn't you?"

"Yeah, that was me." He didn't even try to conceal the pride in his admission as he reminisced. He moved his other hand to clasp her coat just above the top fastened button, ready to rip it away from her neck.

By this time, the reader should have both the attacker and the victim in their mind’s eye. You’ve woven your magic and set the scene. You gave just enough detail for the reader to bring to mind a tall, well-muscled, handsome guy who is very sure of himself and is about to attack a smaller woman wearing a coat, carrying a bag, and is scared and alone, on her way back to her car after work.

These techniques are not just for horror tales. You can use similar techniques in every aspect of your writing. Dissect this lesson, take it apart, dissect it and put it together using your characters, your scenery, your details.

Then SHOW your reader what happens next.

Through her blouse, the backs of his fingers were touching the delicate strap of her bra where it was sewn to the cup. Breathing deep, he smelled her again, almost as though he was deciding whether to seduce or devour her. His head moved upwards from where he held her coat open at breastbone level. His face stayed very close to her skin, taking intimate pleasure in her smell. His senses were always heightened as he worked and he got an extra thrill from the added anticipation that he had acquired with this one.

Languishing in his task, relishing it, he moved his mouth toward hers.

That’s it for today class… see you tomorrow…

What? You don’t want me to leave the story there?

Too much tension?

A cliff-hanger?

OK… here you go…

"But you didn't rape them." She said turning her face away from his as his arm was moved in order that he might continue upwards. She kept her eyes on him - and she now sounded like she was interrogating him.

"No I didn't, why do you say that? Are you making me an offer?" He leered as he pulled his head away, his curiosity at this woman's sudden calm made him want to carry on the conversation. After all, he was in no rush tonight. There was no danger of rescue because she had called for none and anyone passing who happened to glance up the alley would assume that they were lovers, impatient in their passion. So her coat was left with the collar intact - for now.

"Hardly" she smiled, but this time, her smile made him take stock of her a little better - she wasn't scared.