Writing Can Heal ❤️️
“I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge.” - Gerald Jampolsky
Today I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Forgiveness and how writing our thoughts down really leads us in the direction of healing. I write every day. Not everything I write is to post here. I write to work through my feelings and to heal. It was a habit that I formed while I was growing up Yes, the whole Dear Diary thing. I did it for many years and then one day I stopped. Now that I have picked up the habit again, thank you Steemit, it has helped me to work through years of stuff. Years of emotional baggage that I never dealt with.
Lately I have been dealing with an old resentment that I have always felt towards my mother. The details are not important. What is important is that by writing it all down, I understood the whole situation better. It brought me to a place where I forgave her. I just decided that it is time to forgive her for everything that she had done to hurt me. To forgive her for the pain that she caused me. In forgiving her it has lifted an enormous weight that, in all honesty, I have been carrying around with me for years.
My sister actually said something to me last week that has been on my mind a lot. Probably why I felt like writing her off yesterday. We were talking about her and how angry I was at her for her behavior. My sister turned around and said to me, “if you’re waiting for an apology stop. She will never give you that.” This upset me. If you hurt someone you should apologize for it, right? I started thinking about all the times that I tried to get this out of her and failed. I wanted her to answer for it all and to say she was sorry.
As I was busy writing it all down, it hit me. Her story is actually a truly tragic one. In fact, if it had been anyone else I would have felt nothing but sympathy for her.
What? This is new.
You see, I am a hurt child that raised my mom more than she raised me. I was so focused on what I had gone through that I sort of forgot about everything that she had gone through. No wonder she carries on the way she does. If I had to go through that with my own children I wouldn’t want to admit it either. To feel that you failed when that is all you ever wanted to do must be painful and I’d be defensive as well.
After reading what I had written, I made the decision to forgive her. I can’t expect her to be anything else than what she is. Me holding on for that apology that is never going to happen is just making me unhappy. It’s not having any effect on her and if all the attempts over the years haven’t resulted in an apology, I doubt anything I do now would result in one.
At the end of the day she did the best that she could.
Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling 😄
This photo was taken by me 😄 with my Samsung Galaxy S8.
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Truly wow, I'm yet to reach that point with my own mother.
She had always wanted a daughter, and I am her last child, and thus had to be someone she had preconceived me to be, rather than who I was.
This affected me, in my confidence. I felt I could not confide in anyone, and became a loner to such a great extent that when something extremely traumatic happened to me as a child- I did not say anything.
That event had broken me for a great deal of years and I still feel as if Im recovering from it, But I built this resentment , because she was not the person I could go to, and to make it worse, all of my family would come to my mother as she was their auntie agony.
Im really happy that you were able to let go of those feelings, as I know it must be so healthy for you now. I also know that it could not have been very easy. I hope to become as courageous as you someday.
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal with me. I'm sure that, that must of been hard and how negatively it can effect you. I hope you to find the strength one day, it was the only way I could find the peace that I needed.
I know we all have make our peace some day, as I wouldn't want this bitterness to sit with me by the time I have children of my own. I love that you are so in touch with yourself and it pushes me to be better.
That is such an incredible compliment and it makes my heart so happy that I can help someone else. For me it became clear once I realised that it's a simple choice... either I choose peace or bitterness.
My sister struggled with the same for years (our dad though), and I finally gave her the same advice your sister did for you. Sometimes it's way easier to have a paradigm shift within ourselves instead of expecting it from someone else. Years ago I just decided that my father did the best he knew how to, with the knowledge that he had. Was it good enough? Nope. But that becomes irrelevant when you decide to forgive, move forward and vow to change the cycle with your own (my) children.
Thank you for sharing such a valuable lesson with all of us @jusipassetti!
Excatly @lynncoyle1 stop the cycle with your own children and I completely agree with that. There's no need for it to continue and letting go is far more important.
My thoughts exactly :)
Wise words and, like you, I have written for years as part of a healing process. Books and books at times when I was lowest. I tossed them out. Destroyed them. Too intimate. And I do think when we are adults and look back, we understand more. I, too, had a fraught relationship with my mother. That you are coming to understand her while she's still around is a blessing to treasure. Won't be easy, but be glad she's still around - for all the other stuff. Take care and happy mothers' day. To you both.
Thank you @fionasfavourites and I'm glad to hear that we have that in common. I still have all of mine and could never thow them out, I actually enjoy reading them from time to time and then I could bash myself on the head for being so foolish.
I'm glad that I finally got to this point, I've realised now that I should of done it sooner. Happy Mothers Day to you too.
I am so glad for you that your writing could bring you to the point of forgiveness. It is a wonderful life lesson for anyone. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you @hope777.
I think you just made a very powerful decision and I have to pat you on your shoulder for that. I too struggled with some resentment towards my mom and when I see a different perspective one day, I suddenly rest my case and learn to love her. I have to say your post is very real and beautiful.
Hugs @jusipassetti :) I'm glad to hear you find healing through writing. You are so right about this that it also brings some realization that we sometimes may not notice when we are just conversing as it dives into the deep of our souls when we write. It is such a therapy for me too.
Thank you very much @happycrazycon. Agreed sometimes it's better just to accept and love them, this way you let go of the bitterness that is only hurting yourself and not them. Writing is a great and free therapy and would benefit an enormous amount of people. I'm happy to have met someone who understands that the same way I do.
I am glad that writing has given you some relief from resentment. Being able to forgive others for their shortcomings is an incredibly mature thing to do. Best of all, it helps you the most.
Thanks for sharing this with all of us. Very vulnerable and authentic of you!
Thank you @chrismccron for your kind words. It really feels like a huge weight has been lifted off me and seeing her yesterday felt better than it has in years. I suppose I just view the whole situation differently now and I'm so happy that writing is what finally brought me to that point.
That's incredible! I am smiling for you. :)
My hubby has a similar story with his father. A few months ago he went to go chat to a counsellor about it all and he pretty much said the same thing. You are likely to never to get an apology, but he told my hubby that if you hang on waiting for an apology, you are only hurting yourself more. Forgive, pity those who can't see the harm they have done, and be in the picture as much as you can withstand. Well done for starting a journey towards healing xx
Thank you very much @sweetpea for sharing this with me. In the end we can only be responsible for our own actions and that's why I felt like I need to do it. It's not affecting her, it is affecting me so best I let it go and move on to happier place.
There is no doubt about that. Writing can surely heal a person especially
when he or she express his or her worries in the form of writing.
This might sound strange but it is very true. @jusipassetti.
Thank you @emmanuelacheamp.
I have worked through a lifetime of issues with writing. Like you discovered yourself, sometimes it helps us see things from a different perspective or view and that can be so life changing! This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you very much @byn. It has helped me immensely and I would never have thought that if someone had just said it to me.
I had an old friend that used to say "You can't go mining for gold in a nickel mine". I try to remember that phrase when I want something from someone that for whatever reason, are unable to give. It helps me gain perspective.
That's a very valid phrase to keep in mind. Thank you for sharing it with me.