Diary of an Assassin Vol.6

Jessica came out of the bathroom looking as spectacular as ever. She walked over and sat down beside me on the bed.

My mind was racing

She told me we needed to talk. She turned to me and said, "Jon, I don't know how else to tell you this but..I'm pregnant."

I felt like my brain was going to explode inside of head but I tried to keep it together.

Here I was a day away from killing someone and now I learn that I'm going to be a father.

What kind of dad would I be? I've been lying to my wife for years and now had a baby on the way..

I turned to Jessica and said, "oh my god, that's fantastic sweetheart!"

We weren't trying per se but I knew Jess always wanted to start a family. I didn't expect it to be happening now, I guess it never felt real until this moment.

We hugged and Jess put her head on my shoulder. The whole time I was still in shock but I told her again that this was great news and that I was so excited. I had become so good at lying she never suspected how I really felt. Terrified.

We talked for a while, it was more her speaking and me feigning a smile and nodding along.

Inside I felt guilty for what I was..a cold blooded killer and terrible person. I never had these feelings before and that made the news even more difficult for me to process.

I told Jessica I'd make us a dinner reservation to somewhere special while she finished putting on her makeup.

We went out to eat at Maude, one of the best rated restaurants in So Cal. I kept looking across the table at my wife, she was glowing. This was the happiest I had ever seen her.

I was having second thoughts about the job.

I've been fortunate so far to get away with what I had done in the past. I was good at killing and so far Jessica had no idea about how much I've been lying to her. She deserved so much better.

I couldn't just cancel the job though could I?

I had already recieved payment and didn't know the identity of the payee, but this person knew who I was.

If I didn't honor the deal Jessica and my child could be in danger. I wasn't worried about myself, I was worried about my family.

Perhaps this could be my last kill?

We had more than enough money saved and with Jess's job we could live comfortably for quite awhile. I could always find legitimate work somewhere. I had many skills learned from my time in the Marines, not just how to kill. It was just.. I was so good at it and had become addicted to the rush.

We ate, had a few glasses of wine and returned back to the hotel.

Jessica talked about converting the spare bedroom into a nursery and what we needed now to buy. She was so excited and I felt so guilty that I wasn't sharing her enthusiasm.

The whole time I was debating whether or not I could actually cancel the hit on the lawyers life?

We made love and she fell asleep. I laid in the dark troubled by my dilemma.

I decided I had to go thru with the job. The risk of getting caught came with less uncertainty than whoever had paid me coming to find us once they realized I didn't hold up my end of the deal.

Tomorrow was going to be the last time I would murder.

I tossed and turned for quite awhile before finally falling asleep.

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@goldenarms

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