What It Feels Like To Be A Struggling Middle-Aged Author With No Plan B

As you can see from the photo, I've been writing for a long time.

In the past twenty three years I've won several awards, published eight books, and have had my work appear in numerous newspapers, magazines, and literary journals. However, through it all I’ve had to maintain a full-time job unrelated to writing to pay the bills.

I’m not alone, many creative people, especially here in the United States, find themselves in the exact same predicament. Creativity seems to hold higher value in other parts of the world. I’m shocked by how many people still think the life of a writer is glamorous, for most of us this couldn’t be further from the truth. To the average person my daily schedule might appear insane. I work ridiculously long hours creating and promoting my writing for, if I’m lucky, little more than a side-income. To gain any kind of success in this business you have to hustle.

One of my main frustrations is lack of time. I have to creatively shoe-horn writing in between my day job and all of life’s other demands. Ideas can be flowing incredibly and I’ll have to shutdown the computer (and my brain) to get enough sleep to function the next day. When I’m working on a book or article, which is nearly always, I get up one or two hours early in the morning before going to my full time job to write and sometimes write in the evening as well. I promote through social media and blogging using my mobile phone mainly when I’m walking from my car to work or on my lunch break. It’s not uncommon for me to take a week of vacation to work on a project, I’m lucky to be able to do that.

My goal has always been to make enough from my writing to become a digital nomad, traveling the world while working from a laptop.

This elusive goal seems less likely to achieve with each year that passes. During low points, those painfully long expanses of time without a breakthrough, it’s difficult to not feel like a failure. I always tested well above average in school but sometimes I feel less intelligent than others around me because I’ve chased a dream for over two decades of my life and have very little in the bank account to show for it.

The most unsettling and also the most ridiculously exciting part of this profession is the uncertainty of it. As a self-published author you never know when your next payday will be but you also never know if your next book will be a hit or a current project will go viral and make you rich. I reached to top of the pay scale at my day job years ago. I haven’t had a raise in years. With the cost of living is constantly on the rise this is a potent motivator to strive harder and continuously create better content.

This is the life I’ve chosen and despite all of the work and the occasional low points, it’s amazing and I love it. I try to, and am most of the time successful, not compare my accomplishments to those around me. I find I’m much happier this way. I love the feeling of contentment I get when people really connect with my writing. I’ve come to terms with the reality that I might never get my big break, many very talented creative folks never do. Yet I haven’t given up hope either.

Being a writer at this level, under these circumstances is like boot camp for your soul, each and every day of your existence. It's like living on a razor’s edge and teaches you more about yourself than anything else I can imagine. It forces you to learn how to jump to your feet quickly after life punches you in the gut and knocks the wind out of you.

Being a sane and healthy writer requires you to live in the now and learn to not tie your self-worth to your bank account balance. For me the most joy comes from the creation process. There are also the little victories along the way like getting a good review on Amazon, doing an interview or book signing, offering advice to another indie author that might save them from making the same mistakes you have.

Writing has been my constant companion, through more than two decades of my life. That’s almost six Presidential administrations, seven cars, four residences, and five pets. I can't even imagine waking up in the morning without being excited about my next big idea or not feeling like the next book project could be the one that blows up and changes my fortune forever. Until I find that kind of success I’ll just keep trying.

Every so often an opportunity comes along like Steemit that renews my hope and makes me glow with a great feeling of possibility. That’s what it feels like to be a middle-aged struggling author with no plan B.

http://www.ericvancewalton.net