Dealing with death as an atheist/agnostic.. One of my most optimistic characteristics.
I have had people I care about died. Elderly relatives, young friends in car accidents.. sadly mostly from young people overdosing! Its a new world we are living in, I've been to more funerals for young kids than older people.
I like the next person, get very sad about it. I like to think I will get to see them again, I can see how that would make it all a little bit better. So I can see the appeal being religious has. Its nice to think that not being able to see people you have become fond of is only temporary. Just because its appealing, doesn't make it true. I can't say one way or another if it is true.
So death is a little harder for me to deal with since I don't think I will see those who I miss ever again.. however I have found solace for years in a quote by Douglas R. Hofstadter. This quote reminds me, that even if I will never see someone again. That me and the others that knew them will forever have a part of them with us, in our memories, and our thoughts. The quote goes like this..
"The key question is, no matter how much you absorb of another person, can you have absorbed so much of them that when that primary brain perishes, you can feel that that person did not totally perish from the earth... because they live on in a 'second neural home'?... In the wake of a human being's death, what survives is a set of afterglows, some brighter and some dimmer, in the collective brains of those who were dearest to them... Though the primary brain has been eclipsed, there is, in those who remain... a collective corona that still glows." - Douglas R. Hofstadter
This quote can give me chills weekly, even daily. I feel this. I feel it when I'm alone reflecting on people and our experiences together, or the stories they told that I remember. I feel it when I get together with old friends and we memorialize and share stories about the friends we have that have passed already. Or when I'm with my family and we start broaching the subject of dead loved ones. Its like the collective corona Hofstadter talked about, recharges and burns brighter in all of us for a time.
Not everyone is lucky enough to be immortalized through arts (music, tv, movies, and books). Good thing for these people, they have us. The live on in our 'neural home'! Keeping the memories and experiences I shared with them alive, is more important to me now than thinking I will get to see them again someday, and mostly forgetting about them until then. Ever human that I encounter had an impact on me, I try not to let that impact go. I find myself sometimes imagining what they might say, or what they might have accomplished. I have even had conversations in my own head with the corona they left me with.
If you ever have lost someone, remember that collective corona in the second neural home, and rejoice that they were around to impact you, however briefly. Because there are billions of people who weren't fortunate enough to have been affected by the person you miss at all. The last couple days I have been caught up in the afterglows of those who went before me. Even though its sad to do so, its still good to remember!
What other good quotes do you have on death, and dealing with it? I don't care for you to try to convert me to religious but if its a religious quote that helps you, feel free to share it too! I like to learn and expand my knowledge in anyway I can!
I didn't mean for this post to be sad or depressing. Talking about death just kinds of pushes moods that way. As long as you can still see your loved ones in this afterglow, you have no reason to be sad. Can you feel it? do you see the corona and the afterglow?
Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts. I hope this quote helps even one other person deal with these kinds of hard times when they arise. I will consider this post an accomplishment just thinking that it did.
if you have never heard of Douglas Hofstadter I recommend reading 'Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid' by him. It's a hard read, but ohh so worth it! Otherwise just look up more of his quotes, he has lot's of good ones!
Your fascinating story on a 'collective corona' brings me a means of connection which I had felt but failed to be able to say what it was. Now I have a new definition and perspective.
A year ago last March five friends died, three were brother musicians, which I had played with over many years. That hit me pretty hard, but now that 'afterglow' you mentioned seems brighter. I appreciate your article @drpuffnstuff
Your rambling thoughts are incredibly insightful! Thank you for sharing them with us and for the recommendation. SO up-voted!
Very deep, very good article. Thank you.
Yes, each and every day if my mind thinks about them. :)
I just didn't quantify until I read what you wrote and the person you quoted. Now it makes even more sense.
ya. I've heard lots of quotes relating to death, but when I read this in his book. It was one of the goosebumps moments. Where someone puts into concise words a feeling you have always had but have never been able to put together correctly.
Thanks for sharing such a thought provoking topic. This life! What is it all about? I found this to be an interesting perspective.
http://www.lifenotes.org/The%20end%20may%20be%20just%20the%20beginning.htm
I read the first page. It was good. I can agree to a lot of that. the necessity to believe in something after death does not motivate me to be a good person. The desire to not be like the bad person motivates me to be a good person. Faith is a word I struggle with more than most, it requires blindness and by nature I prefer to shine lights brightly on the things I'm thinking about and looking at. Another crazy thing I find myself thinking about is what eternity would be like on earth, and after earth. Eternity does not sounds like fun, particularly on earth (learning to care for people and watching them die, until your memories go from a river to an ocean and remembering becomes a difficult thing).. at least in an afterlife you can imagine it being like a shelf of video games you can choose to play that will temporary remove all your memory IE: Rick and morty when they play the videogame .. Thanks for your thoughts though, you are appreciated!
Keep shining light on things and keep asking the tough questions. Enjoyed your thoughts immensely.
Powerful quote by Hofstadter.
I've now gone to twice as many funerals for young friends as I have old relatives, and it never gets easier. As an athiest, I see death as the end of one's conciousness, but one's impact on the world can still be seen years later.
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