Actual Conspiracy Theories #1 - Quell their Voices With our Voices!

It has been said that singing is liberating and a powerful means of expression. In an age where we are asked to "stay quiet" and "pay attention" all the time we have become accustomed to using our vocal apparatus for mere conversations, for solving problems and for making use of our descriptive skills.

And while we may have used our voice very differently when we were kids, after years of school and indoctrination we have become quiet and unexpressive. For most of us it has been ages until we even attempted to sing, let alone enjoy it.

Whatever happened to random people singing? And why doesn't it ever happen anymore out in public? Well, after my last return from the psychedelic festival circuit and being confronted with the ever-running radio onslaught in our society I have this weird idea...

Shush!

Whenever I'm out I get reminded of how most of my friends and I were shushed as kids. A child that can use his voice to full effect can be quite the hassle so it comes habitual for many parents to quell their kid's voice apparatus when it gets too loud, or before then. "Be quiet!". If you made it through school chances are you have made this stance part of your subconscious attitude towards life, like most of us have.

So pretending we are the secret Earth overlords... how do we fill that void for people in a most sinister way? Easy - we'll have them cheer on preselected idols who do sing so that the people won't have to.

Call in the Entertainment League!

For that we will write gloriously haunting songs with no meaning and the most basic sequence of tonal intervals to just deliver the bare minimum in eloquence and shininess needed to keep people's attention. Our tracks will fill their heads with trivialities and immature lyrics that reek of unimaginitive concepts and a forced attempt to install new artificial values.

We'll use our internationally available media apparatus to drill our BS tracks into the minds of everyday people and we'll make it so that the empty shell of a song will get stuck in the mental wiring of our army of unwitting listeners.

Eventually through using unattainable ideals of visually enhanced beauty, fitness and monetary prestige we will make the listeners feel alienated from their new idols because as much as they want to be like them they feel they can never reach to such a high (artificial) level.

And so, it will become fashionable for people to stop utilizing their own voice apparatus in self-doubt and a sea of inferiority complexes, and so "singing" will be unofficially limited to people we have preselected to become our new international superstars, and the others will refrain from wanting to look like "an idiot" because "nobody really sings in public - that's just weird"

Spectator sport

You see, it's quite like our earlier plan, turning the active participation in sports into a passive spectator phenomenon for the masses, where most people eyeing the ball are in fact sitting and letting other people do the activity.

Where the quelling of activity makes people rigid and passive, the quelling of singing will eat away at their human spirit, it will take away their basic need of self-expressions and it will reserve reverence for the puppet stars we have raised for the world to follow uncritically for their nonexistent aspired skills.

The few who will be inspired by our new army of idols may undoubtedly get into singing this way, it may even turn millions of kids onto music who have never really found themselves in it... but in the long run, it will be our best option to take the magic out of music, to reaffirm our contemporary paradigm of disempowerment and the spreading of self-doubt in any and everyone. And a few generations down the line everyone will cherish singing, and nobody will let you do it publicly because mentally it will have been moved into a realm of exclusivity and false social prestige somehow limited to a few in an ominous high class.

Disregard misfits and traditions

Sure, a few old ladies still love to sing when they hang up clothes to dry, disregard those! Some will always keep the connection to ancient human rites alive, but we can't waste energy and resources on those people. We have to go for the majority, and they have become more and more fond of our media portfolio and toy technologies instead of expressing, singing and making their own music.

Don't be disencouraged by the people unaffected by our plans, there will always be those who remember their own songs and not ours. Our strategy aims at the numb majority, and a few exceptions will greatly help to keep the romantic reputation of being an independent passionate musician alive.

For some other people we have to come up with more powerful strategies however. They just enjoy singing way too much, and worst of all: They do it every day!

All those things happy to be quelled...

Since our narrational victory is almost here, we have to prepare for the next phase of the plan: Take people's laughter away!

If singing is the artistic expression of inner sentiments, laughing is the cosmic reminder of people's source that has the potential to lay open all plans so carefully crafted for humanity.

I say we start today, utilizing our giant machine to cast doubt on laughter's beneficial nature and to start propping up our public heroes for this specific notion who will share this very message in a thoughtful and masterfully propagandistic way until laughing has become as questionable as singing in the street for no reason other than feeling like it. Muhahahahaha!!!!!!!

No evidence or aspiration to prove anything, just a hunch...

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