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6 years ago in #welcometothesombredays by poetrybyjeremy (58)
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Having a poetry book published must be a really nice experience.
I like your style of writing , but not the expressive mood contained in this song.
It makes my skin creep.
Ahahaha thank you. Well, it is a bit creepy at times. I wrote this as a retrospective experience of being a child who wanted attention at whatever cost.
This is really good. I loved the tone and the pace. There's a lot of attention to detail - just the right amount of rhyme and vowel play. Very nice!
Thank you! I have to admit, I'm not someone who observes the vowel-play or meter that much, so I was unaware of this effect. I'm glad you liked the pace and everything :)
That just means it comes natural to you!
At times, maybe. At other times, I do use a lot of editing and revisiting. So, I suppose I do have an innate system that evaluates the poetry at this level, just at a subconscious level haha.
Good luck with your collection. I think with this one, the short lines work fantastically well, giving the piece a close-up feeling.
Thank you. I remember when I submit this into the workshop it was quite similar, except the lines were longer, and too many words. The suggestion I had received was to remove the unnecessary words, and here lies the result of that! Proof that the workshop works ;) Thanks once again, I'm glad you enjoyed this :)
Please reply to this comment if you accept or decline.
I accept! Thank you once again :)
Particularly like Tge closing stanza on this one. It's a strong finish. Nicely done :)
Thank you. Yeah, I suppose that is some effective imagery
A kind of flogging ?.
I understand that they are words full of great pain.
Poetry is emotional.
A pleasure to read you @poetrybyjeremy.
I'm not sure what you mean by flogging. The last line refers to clapping, as applause - wanting someone to clap so hard and for so long that their hands bleed.