Is it True That Violence Never Solves Anything? Should We Teach Our Daughters To Hit Back When Somebody Touches Them?
I spent a wonderful afternoon with my 23 years young daughter Tahnee. I am so proud of her what an amazing and smart woman she turns out to be. I still have questions about being a good enough mother, if I taught her enough. What am I missing? I might have forgotten something very important.
How should she deal with violence?
Some praised the Mom for empowering her Daughter. Others condemned her for endorsing Violence.- Source
How would my girl understand the acts of violence, how to react, if her own mother doesn't even know, yet. I made too many mistakes myself, not knowing how to cope with rape and abuse in many forms.
My parents did not prepare me. It's not their fault because probably they did not know either.
Should we teach our daughters to hit back when anybody "touches" them in the wrong way or treats them with disrespect? Should they react with violence? Scream as loud as possible to be heard? Report assault?
My first thought is "YES! Of Course!" It's every woman's right to stand up and stop predators and abusers in any shape. "Go for the balls if somebody touches your crotch!" Hit hard when somebody hits you!?
This article didn't get out of my mind and this topic is still in my head : Teach Your Daughters to Hit People Who Touch Them
The #MeToo campaign has touched me deeply in many ways. Partly because I was myself the victim of sexual assault by a male relative. - Source
Protect your children!
Our justice system doesn't really help victims. So, do we have no other choice than to help ourselves?
Historically too many women have not always been believed and very few, including myself have the courage to come out in public telling their sad stories about their experiences of sexual predations.
According to a new study by the CDC, 1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime. 80% of those women say they had been raped before the age of 25, with 1/3 of those women saying that they had been raped later in life. That's horrific, isn't it? I bet you're wondering what, in the name of all that's holy, could possibly be as horrific as that? - Source
I tried to keep my girl protected as long and as well as possible, knowing that one day I had to let her go to live her life by herself. She had to live in a world that might treat her gender as an object. Oh yes! I was treated badly and was scared to send her to some madness she might have to face. Stay positive is so easy to say but it might take many years to learn how to see the beauty in people again. I never gave up to work towards achieving a happy life and trust again! It was difficult to fix the damage to my body and mind and so hard to find ways to tame my own violent, passive agressive personality in younger age.
Bullying is a form of rape and should be taken more serious in our schools!
My girl was bullied at her school and this caused a lot of problems also in our family and my relationship with her. She closed down. She didn't "hit" back because she is a gentle and such a sweet, sensitive girl. I assumed that she would know how to defend herself, I am a woman who had to learn to be strong and I assumed she would be like that as well. Her strength manifests in different ways but as a more introvert personality she started hiding in her own shell. She suffered in silence and I was not aware enough to help her through. I feel guilty that I didn't realise how bad it actually effected her. Maybe I should have told her what this mother did.
Mom Causes Controversy When She Tells Daughter to Kick Bullies in the Balls
She is doing well now, much better and I am happy to say that this horrific teenage experience will make her stronger everyday. I am glad that she started understanding my flaws not helping her enough.
Teach your children NOT to bully!
Overcoming trauma in a non violent manner
I had to learn to deal with my own traumas and have to say that the pain never leaves you. How to overcome many nightmares of guilt and how to accept the presence of unconscious anger, emotions you prefer to keep hidden. I had to figure out how to minimise my fears but will always have issues to trust "people".
I started "hitting" in my helpless attempts to get rid of the hurt deep inside. It didn't help me at all. I pushed away "love" for a very long time until I realised that I had to start loving myself first to be able to conquer my anger.
Those bruises and scares on my soul were driving me into the abyss of violent behaviour and I am not proud of some helpless reactions in my past.
Teach your children that violence is never the answer but I still believe to teach your daughters how to defend themselves, to be able to "HIT BACK" when absolutely needed.
When violence against women is no longer societally accepted, no longer kept secret; when everyone understands that even one case is too many. That's when it will change.- Joe Biden
Violence did NOT solve ANYTHING! Violence causes more pain! Forgiveness heals!
Forgiveness helps and its good to know that I am not alone to overcome abuse.
Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.- Selma Hayek
I leave you with a last inspiring thought from one of the articles I read
Can your daughter get in trouble for violence at school? Yes, she can, and should. Violence is illegal. Note: I didn’t say wrong. I said illegal. The two are not synonyms. Gays and lesbians getting married was illegal. It was never wrong.- Source
I found some my older articles on this topic :
I Turned Back Time With A Song For "7 Seconds", Wishing To Stop Problems And Violence In Our World
Don't Let it Get to You And Speak Well Of Others, Not Of Their Faults!
Yours @mammasitta
Keep on spreading the MassiVe Vibes and also follow @massivevibration....ssss
Feel free to join my steemit chat channels at "mammasittas, austria, massivevibrations" to post your links.
Such an important topic, @mammasitta. Thanks for your post.
I think the circumstances of each incident drives the proper response. Hitting out as "punishment" is different from engaging in violence to stop an attack or to escape. Violence is never a solution to settle disputes, but it is perfectly warranted to interrupt an attack.
More difficult is the aftermath. I told each of my daughters that once a man lays a hand against you, it will happen again. It is after One Time that you must get out of that relationship. So many women make excuses, take responsibility, or try to believe that it will never happen again. One time is one time too many.
One time is one time too many and might even cost your life!
Very good post topic! I believe that all women should be taught self-defense. I'm generally a very non-violent person but feel it's perfectly acceptable and smart to be able to defend yourself against attackers/abusers. I grew up in a very tough inner city neighborhood and had to learn how to fight. The knowledge that you can handle yourself in these situations gives you much more self-confidence in general. Bullies are usually cowards that have the innate ability to smell weakness a mile away but if a person carries themselves with confidence I feel they're less of a target.
You are absolutely right! "Eating or being eaten!" A law of nature! We must learn to be stronger than the ones who try to attack us but never attack first.
I read your poetry book "emancipation" and many thoughts came into my mind. Old sadness surfaced again and I knew that I had to write about such important topic. I feel emotionally drained because I wanted to be even more honest telling my own stories but I rather keep it to myself. I conquered the pain quite well and all I wish is to inspire other young women sharing a part of my experience.
Tomorrow I go back to my Kickboxing class :) hoping my Girl will join.
I'm sorry the poetry dredged up old sadness in you! I think it's great that you're turning a negative into a positive and choosing to inspire and help others. So many people let negative experiences break them and I'm glad you didn't go that route. It was great meeting you in person and we'll be diving into that small bag of chocolates you gave us soon! Enjoy your weekend!
Ohhh nooo The poetry was wonderful and it’s good how it effects me to get issues out of me. More mozartballs for The next fest :) and for myself now to keep My Spirit high for the weekend to come. Every experience if good or bad takes us to another level of consciousness and I am thankful for All my lessons even though a bit hard to bite on sometimes. Pictures sent soon.
Saying violence is not the answer, does not stop the violent, they will use violence, until you hit back.
I wish I'd known, the Non aggression principle when I was young. It took me 16 year before I stated hitting and that was the end of the bullying.
Also something to consider, is that the rapist could be someone familiar so that a child might hesitate to do or say something, especially when a child sees that person as authority.
My stance is : Boy or girl, man or woman, self defense is always justified.
I believe history would have been a lot different if all those millions and millions of people would have defended themselves.
At that time, I wished my daughter would have hit back when they bullied her. I rather would have dealt with the problems at her school but the bullies would have stopped.
She is not that kind of girl and was so sweet. I was angry at her!!! that she didn't defend herself. Those are my mistakes I regret. Now I do understand that she might have been ashamed to admit that the popular group didn't like her.
My harsh advice was based on my own experience and I would "show my fists" like a mad injured lioness because after being molested by somebody I trusted at too young age, I turned into a "mean machine"! NOBODY could touch me without getting in troubles.
People knew to stay away from me! I made it clear!
I agree 100000%
Regret is such a thing. It doesn't help i.m.h.o. 'You' can do nothing to change the past, that is how it was.
The only thing 'you' can change are decisions now and in the future, or maybe talk about it but that's all.
Carrying a load of regret (or guild or shame or other things), does not help you or anybody. I always imagine myself in the future, looking back, and ask my future self: Did all that regretting, (or feeling ashamed, guilty or whatever) make my live any better? The answer (of my future self) is always no. Or to say it differently; If 'you' regret a lot maybe at the end of your live, you will regret the regretting a lot. ;)
English is not my native language so I hope you get what I'm saying.
You are absolutely right!!! I am getting better in NOT using this word that much and shake off when that guilty feeling rises.
Thank you for sharing this post, it's a very important topic and close to my heart since I have three daughters. I'm sorry to know that you went through such a horrible experience. It must have a been a real struggle to overcome it.
My husband and I wanted the kids to learn self defence so they go to Taekwondo classes. They use the kicks and punches freely on eachother!...but I'm not sure if they would every use it on someone else, even if that person was a bully. I like the fact that are good natured and non-violent (outside of the house!) but hope that martial arts training will give them an instinct to use it if and when when needed in the future.
@mummyimperfect I think you are perfect :)
I really appreciate your comment, telling me about your 3 lovley ( Oh wow 😮 for those triple kicks & emotions) and soon to be “Power Puff” Girls. Hehehe!
It’s so good to send them to such classes to gain self confidence and learn some important moves.
I thought that I did everything in my motherly power but somewhere along the line things went wrong. It all started when her best friend, a fun little blond Australian Girl left Bali, The island where we lived at the time. She lost her “partner”.
We, as parents have to be extremely attentive! The bullying at her new school with predominantly Asian or Eurasian kids was so bad that she even wanted to stop all those after school classes she once started. It was a difficult time indeed. She chose to be one of the “outsiders” group and found a very sweet Balinese friend for life but her whole personaliity changed. I am happy to see her coming back to who she really is at age 23.
Anyways, I believe that it’s very important to keep your daughters in this class as long as possible to learn how to defend themselves and “fletch teeth” when needed. Some badly educated men in various cultures as well as classes need to be shown and taught what “Respect” means, especially “Respect for Women”.
Thank you for your lovely reply! For some reason I just saw this!
My eldest daughter's best friend just moved to another school and she has been really upset about it the whole weekend. I've talked to her about it. But I totally agree we have to be very attentive as parents. We have to keep an eye on our kids mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
Its the hardest part for us parents because sometimes we also struggle with our own emotions and even well being. Lots of hugs your way. I am sure you are a great Mom.
Yes when you are stressed yourself (as all of us are sometimes) it's harder to fulfill the role of life coach/provider/counsellor for your kids. We can all just try our best.
I think that far far too many people in the world equate "Self defense" with being violence. Self defense is not violence. Self defense is a measured response to violence that is/has been done to you or others. "Everyone" should learn to protect themselves from violence. Self defense does not escalate violence it escalates it.
Do not let the media brainwash you, do not let the liberal mindset brainwash you, do not let anyone tell you something is wrong that you know is right.
Very well said!
Don’t let anybody tell you you are wrong when you feel it’s right to defend yourself.
We need more trustworthy places these “injured” girls can go, to talk things out.
I think violence is different than self defense and should not be confused. violence implies intent to do harm and self defense is simply that...defending one's self, which is a God given right.
You ladies are looking beautiful and gracious!!
You got a valid point here! Its our right and all I wish that my daughter would take a selfdefense course because it seems that we face more and more violence on a daily base. It seems to be worse than ever...
Thanks for your sweet compliment. I love my gracious and strong minded Girl!
<3 <3
You are for sure one of those I would love to meet at the next @steemfest :)
I'll be doing my best to get there next time :) Would love to meet you, too!!
Why should a girl get in trouble when she is in school, college or even at home!!
Why is almost every girl a victim of violence!!
Why don't we work together to stop this!!
These are things we need to look at and change them once and for all.
This happens because we people simply ignore such things.
This is why men keep on harassing women.
We need to work together to make our societies better and change the mindset of male folk.
Because women are physically weaker than men and always struggle defending themselves. Men should stop harassing women, this looks to me as the best possible solution.
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to speak on this @mammasitta
Oh dear ! I know There are so many WHY's I cannot answer :(
I feel emotionally drained after writing this article today but somehow I am dealing with my own traumas in writing about it. It's hard to bring up pain again and again. All I wish is to see our children in well deserved safety. We all have to do our part as a community!
"Teach your children that violence is never the answer but I still believe to teach your daughters how to defend themselves, to be able to "HIT BACK" when absolutely needed". - Few glad I read that.. because any nutter would say not to defend yourself ;)
We have to first teach the society that who have a bad sight toward girls they are the waste material of the world first we have to remove them from our society
As I already mentioned:
So what is the solution ??
The solution is to teach women self defense because there will always be some scumbag who will take advantage. You can educate all you want, but it’s just basic morality to keep your hands to yourself (no matter what culture). I don’t care if you come from a culture where woman are still phallic (meant just for procreation) symbols. That’s a terrible excuse.
EXACTLY!!!!!! Couldn't have said it better! Thanks for this opinion!
Try to build a society where is not any place for violence by terracing them the lesson of humanity this is the solution which comes in my mind otherwise I want to ask the answer of this question from your side
I like both of your answers!
OH .....how do I agree with you! I wish I would have known to hit back at age 11!
I wouldn't teach my daughter to hit back but to protect and defend herself, just like i would train my son. It is a delicate World, i have seen some domestic abuse where husband had beaten to death their Wives in Nigeria, i wouldn't want to loose my Princess to some scumbag!
I believe that is the way to go ! We need to teach our children to defend themselves and that NO form of abuse is acceptable and always speak up and out without feeling guilty nor ashamed.
I know about scumbags! Too many! I go back to my kickboxing class ......I was too lazy and skipped a few :)
Oh wow!
I trained boxing, karate and kick Boxing...i still got some few kicks left
I am not that great but its fun to learn a few kicks...BTW , Do you have children already?
Oh No...
Still single, just plans for my unborn kids😁
Always good to have a master plan even though it always turns out differently than planned 🤣
Hahahaha, you are very correct.
Though i could have been a father to a 3yr old, but the lady decided to remove it to punish me over a slight misunderstanding....am 32 and still hoping for the best
I've got three daughters, whom I hope will be confident and strong, who will ask questions and look for answers, and who will be able to defend themselves against any attack. And I see it as my responsibility, to help them achieve all of the above. Like many have said before my reply Self defense is not the same as violence. Thank you for bringing this topic to light @mammasitta
Wow! 3 ! Thats a huge responsibility for a father. You sound like a very good one! I raised my daughter, a single child for the first 5 years of her life all alone. I tried my best to teach how to defend herself but I mentioned before that I expected too much from her at her young age. It was overwhelming maybe that she had a very strong mother. I failed in some ways to be more gentle but at the end of all, it turned out well. Anyways, we all go through a learning process on our on time. Teenage years are always complicated for parents and also their children.
Nice to meet you and thanks so much for your valuable comment.
Thanks mammasitta, I'm their mother, but easy mistake to make
Upppsss .....hahaha thats kind of funny that I thought you are the father. You sound very powerful :) !!!