Why Some Vets Don't Like hearing "Thank You For Your Service"
When you discover that someone you know or just met is a military veteran is your first instinct to thank them for their service? Did you know that this can make some veterans extremely uncomfortable? Don't feel bad, this is very common among civilians and we're going to dig into this a little bit and find some great alternatives to just saying "Thank you for your service" (TYFYS).
What's so wrong with TYFYS?
Look, it's wonderful that you want to show appreciation for the sacrifices made by service members and their families. It's a difficult lifestyle and I'm sure you just want to express respect and thanks. No one wants to make you feel bad about wanting to say thank you in a heartfelt manner if you feel so inclined.
So what's the big?
Platitudes make attitudes
A platitude is defined as a phrase used so often it is no longer interesting or thoughtful. For example "such is life," "It is what it is," and "What goes around comes around" are phrases so commonly used that they mean almost nothing anymore.
Didn't get that promotion? Such is life.
Someone do you wrong? Don't worry, what goes around comes around. (Bonus points if you also use "God don't like ugly" or "Karma's a bitch")
It's so easy to not notice this, but many of us use platitudes on a daily basis and when we do, we're not really saying anything of significant substance.
This is what "Thank you for your service" sounds like to some veterans; something you just say because it's what you say when you meet or speak with a vet. It can feel extremely insincere and more like a stock response.
How about them apples?
Another issue with TYFYS for some veterans is how it generalizes service members and their profession.
Every organization in existence has it's share of selfish people or bad actors, and the military is no different.
Blindly thanking veterans for their service ignores this fact and only serves to elevate all military service members to some kind of morally superior role where they can do no wrong. But oh so much wrong can and does happen.
Are there any bad babysitters? Doctors? Teachers? Of course there are bad apples in each of these roles, and that same truth applies to the military. Not everyone who joins the military is some kind of moral being; we all suffer the frailties of humanity.
Thanking us without knowing us serves only to anonymize veterans.
So when you're throwing thank you's around, what you may be saying (without realizing it) is that you don't know much about the military or the current conflicts happening but you're grateful someone else is handling the fight that isn't you or yours.
So say nothing?
If you feel the need to express appreciation to a veteran, there are a few alternatives you can use other than uttering the old-as-time platitude "Thank you for your service".
One of the major things you can do is politely inquire about their service. But keep it very light here, you never know if you could be talking to a combat veteran who doesn't want to discuss what they've seen. Expressing interest in an individual's experience is a much more accessible way to show a vet you actually care.
If they are a combat veteran or seem uncomfortable talking about their service, pivot to polite questions about what they're doing now. Are they in school or a particular industry? What do they enjoy doing as hobbies or for fun?
But the most simple thing you can do is find a more original way to say "thank you for your service."
This post was made in support of the veterans tag that @jdawg has taken the initiative to help build up. Check out this post: Please Help Me Create Steemit's New Community to Support Military Veterans #veterans.
Thank you for spending time here
Having served 4 years of active service as a combat medic with 1st Battallion 503rd Infantry Regiment 173rd Airborne Brigade. Serving 8 months in Afghanistan, where 2 of my platoon mates were killed, and I was injured receiving the Purple Heart, I come from a place of understanding of what you are talking about. I think you go about it very nicely. To all those out there reading this there is nothing wrong with thanking someone for their service, but if you are going to do some, try and make it mean something more than a stock phrase like @prufarchy. I personally am very humbled when people say that to me, as I know many of the men that cam before me during a Vietnam did not have such a welcoming homecoming. Now I work in an emergency department and see many of these men who struggle and it breaks my heart to see that. So please, don't feel bad if you thank someone for their service, but if you are truly thankful try and build a conversation with them, just as you would with anyone. If it is a friend or aquaintence ask them what their service was like and see how they respond. Thank you @prufarchy for the great post👍
Thank you for sharing some of your experience with us and also your perspective.
It's hard to broach a subject like this because we never want anyone to feel bad for wanting to show appreciation, but we also don't appreciate that stock, nationalistic response that almost trivializes everything that is actually going on with respect to war and vets and coming home.
I hope the veteran tag helps build more awareness and even becomes a place where we can organize to challenge the monstrous VA... it doesn't seem like they care much when the media and cameras aren't turned their way
My brother is a vet, and I know that while he appreciates the acknowledgement, it also does make him uncomfortable - and he absolutely doesn't want to talk about it, except with his other army buddies. I figure that on the rare occasion he does say anything, the least I can do is listen carefully and not speak unless he seems willing to share more. I do let him know I'm grateful, both for his service, and also that he's my brother.
Listening is one of the best things you can do, if he does decide to share. No advice, no devils advocate... just good old fashioned listening.
I know some vets who get sick from being thanked because they've had a change of heart about the service and maybe even the country.
Imagine if you went to the military and suddenly felt that we were actually aggressors who are expansionists... and then you came home and everyone thanked you for helping the powers that buy to expand their control and reach even further than before?
I'm not saying that's the case here, just sharing what some of my other vets have expressed.
Thank you for posting this. I am a veteran and it really irks me when people thank me for my service. For me the reasons are slightly different, and I had already planned on posting an article about it when I saw this. You covered some great points. Hopefully the message will spread.
My question to you is, why does it irk you when they thank you for your service? They are simply trying to show you respect for actions you have taken. Sometimes it can be a generic response I agree, but overall people are just trying to show that they care.
People thanking me for my service irritates me firstly because mostly it is not people trying to show they care, mostly it is a generic automatic response that has been learned into our society. Secondly, people are thanking me for supporting the murdering of innocent people and most of the time they're unaware of that concept or are just too far removed to even take notice. Finally, I no longer support the American government and being reminded of my service does me no good. My time in the service was not great. The military left me permanently disabled.
It beats the response of people spitting on soldiers when they came home from Vietnam. But I can understand your second point. I struggled with that as well when I returned from war. Knowing of some of the things that happened to good people. And I am sorry to hear that you are now disabled due to your service. I wish there was something that could bring that back for you. But we can not condem people for trying to do what they think is the right thing.
I can agree with your first point, certainly, though I never condemned anyone. I've simply stated that this act irritates me and wish for the understanding to be circulated. :)
Not to stir up controversy, and not to condone condemnation, but why can't we judge people for doing what they think is right?
It seems we judged anyone following Hitler's orders... they thought that was right.
We judged the service members who went to Vietnam based on a proven lie by their government... meanwhile, many who volunteered thought they were doing something right.
action without education (not the schooling kind, the living kind) is absolutely grounds for judgement.
People saying tyfys isn't because they think it's right... it's because it's been ingrained through national holiday, yellow ribbons and flowers and ceremonies for graves.
I think they say thank you because they know it's a meat grinder for the psycho politicians and their thanks is more of a sorry, glad it wasn't me - kinda feeling.
You're welcome to judge whomever you see fit. I only replied saying that I had not condemned anyone within the context of this article. As long as an individual who is judging is judging subjectively within the context of their existence rather than working to subjugate others to their ethics and morals then I see nothing wrong. Examples like the Nazis and the Vietnam veterans are examples of enforcing your ethics and morals upon another individual, and I personally believe that to be ethically and morally wrong.
I agree with your point about people using the thanking as a "sorry, glad it wasn't me" sentiment, but I don't think that the sorry part comes with most of them. I think most of them say it simply as a learned response.
It's hard to disagree with you on what you're saying, and I'm thankful for your insightful response and overall participation
It's totally weird territory, but hopefully these kind of dialogues continue. I think it's worthwhile discourse.
Good content. This is something more people should know. Thanks for sharing
Thanks legions!
As a combat vet myself and having retired after 20 years of active duty, I can understand the differences it makes vets feel. It once made me feel uncomfortable, but what I do now is simply reply with, "Thank you for what you do." Even though TYFYS has become such a catch phrase, you never know what kind of person is going to at least say "Thanks". I may not know anything about the person that thanks me, but just thanking them for what they do and being willing to make the words "Thanks" come out of their mouth is enough for me.
Thanks for the education as i did not know this and i served in AF 20 years.
"Thank you for writing this " , And I truly mean it !