FINDING SELF-WORTH ― Amazing Adjustments That Have Happened To My Life Since I Found Steemit #Untalented

This flower is a representation of finally getting a hold of my self-worth. It took so much time and wrong-validations, but it's worth the wait and it's worth much.

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I am often labeled as ungrateful because of how pessimistic I am despite of everything that I am given with. Those who are yet to know my life and what I've been through easily point their fingers at me as if one single hurtful comment from them can turn how my brain thinks, but it only makes it worse. Not a single hurtful, unabashed opinion can mend a broken soul; only love, compassion, encouragement, and a whole lot of patience.

Growing up, I used to get compared to other family members and successful neighbors. "Look at her, look at him. Look at how successful they are! You should take this, you should take that." Blah, blah, blah. I was never taught of paving my own way and doing things my way. I was never taught that it's okay to take my time because not everyone's journey are timed the same. I was never taught that it's okay to think of yourself first because it is the most important thing.

I was only taught to take the path of someone else's.

See, I knew my parents only wanted the best for me; unfortunately you don't get this in your unruly teenage years and so you rebel until you ruin your life. The result? A mix of depressed, anxious, very low self-esteem, and no confidence of a person right up until November of 2017. All these years, I was asking and looking for validation in the wrong places when the only validation I needed is within my self.

To be quite honest, I was hesitant to write this one because I have been writing non-stop about how #steemit changed my life and it really gets cheesy. I have always been open when something good and/or bad happens and although they are my most genuine feelings, I can't help but get anxious as to how people perceive it.

Will the authenticity of my words lessen the more I talk about it?

This is by far the best thing that's ever happened to me. My friends over at Facebook are always so supportive of the things I do: drawing, painting, photography, singing, et al. And although I want to believe them with all my heart, there were still doubt because they're my friends and my friend's are kind and supportive and all sorts of wonderful, encouraging people.

But when I started steemit, I know my output will get criticized through monetary upvotes. And what's better way to assess your skills than getting a huge upvote from someone who's a complete stranger, right? Partly right. Although I do not recommend that you weigh your worth that way, in my case it worked. Not exactly with the upvotes alone, but gaining readers, followers, having purposeful engagement, and knowing genuine people who gives genuine feedback without asking anything in return. It can be an ego booster and I don't see anything bad with it. I needed to feel important and appreciated or else this feeling of growing self-worth isn't even possible.




I am the most perfectionist person I know and it hinders my growth as an individual who's flawed but perfectly imperfect. If you see me how I work, I go all out ― from markdown-styling to editing the photographs I upload within my posts. I get burnt-out most of the time all because of my doing. I think of details or of how things should get done. I worry about the slightest spaces between my paragraphs. I worry about the smallest crack of my voice when I sing for #openmic. I worry about the tiniest unbalanced in my photographs.

But when I started steemit, I realized that it's okay to stop when you think it's only going worse. It's not that you neglect quality, but it's because done is better than perfect. Why would you want a dozen of unfinished ideas when you can submit the best version of it and developed it further along the way? I am myself's worst critic, but I have learned it here. Although in all honestly, I still struggle with this. But hey, at least I am trying and I have started.







It is not that I rant all the time in Facebook, but I am quite opinionated when it comes to the things I feel strongly about. Sometimes I get way too transparent and open, but I don't care as long as it touches a stranger's heart. Breaking up the stigma of talking about mental health is something I really want steemit to embrace. I want people to know that it is okay not to be okay ― that it is okay to feel burnt-out, uninspired, unmotivated, depressed, anxious, and a whole lot more and not get embarrassed by it.

What is not okay is not opening up and not asking for help. I learned this the hard way. I almost ended everything without accepting and knowing what exactly is behind it. I thought it was only a teenager's angst, but it was more than that. It was more than a rebellious act. It was a black-hole sucking me into ultimate damnation. My crying for help didn't help either because I wasn't taken seriously.

Here at steemit, I want to be a listening ear and a virtual friend who only consoles and not judge. I want to be the person who helps others because I understand where they are coming from. I want to be the person who becomes a testimony through the beautiful things steemit has done to her life.

Overall, I think I am becoming the woman I only dreamt of becoming before ― wise, kind, hard-working, giving, and over-all beautiful on the inside. I am nowhere near ideal, but I am trying, and steemit brought out that version of me. I want others to realize their dreams and have financial freedom. I want others to know that talents are important, too, despite not having a 4 degree course under your belt. I want others to know that you can have your own pace without running to keep up with others.

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How about you? What are your amazingly beautiful adjustments upon finding steemit? Join @surpassinggoogle's contest which you can find here.

Cheers & Happy New Year!

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