Amazing adjustments that have happened to my life since I found Steemit: A New Hope
I am a massive Star Wars fan! If you look closely at my profile picture that is me wearing my favorite Darth Vader shirt wearing an Oculus Rift while testing out a version of Star Wars Battle Front 2 in a gaming convention. The light saber an added effect later.
I have always been drawn to dark characters like Wolverine, Batman and Darth Vader. Although Vader is a bad guy but reading his lore in the now not cannon anymore Star Wars mythos which is now called Star Wars legend after Disney has acquired the rights for the Star Wars Universe.
I have always believed in the duality of man. Man is capable of great good but also succumbs to the temptation of doing evil. Many would argue that what is good and evil is subjective to the person and the society he belongs in. While unlike in the Star Wars movies it clearly defined by their demeanor, appearance and use of their Force specific branch. The light sabers have been debunked as the notion that Jedis only use the blue and green colored light sabers and The Siths use a red light saber. The Marvel comics Darth Vader issue number 1 and 2 discusses the origins of Vader's iconic saber.
I questioned myself at numerous points in my life on whether I am inherently good or have a darker side. There have been instances that I am not proud of. Of decisions made, bridges and relationshops burned and reputations destroyed. At one point I lived on the moral compass of Objectivism which has in its fundamental core is man's pursuit of his own happiness through production and logic and reason his only yardstick.
My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.
— Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Looking back it was dehumanizing thing to live by especially when handling a team of human beings as each one was viewed a number. A mere cog in the machinery called business. It was a pretty cold way of doing things but management just loved me and the numbers I was putting out. Efficiency and shape up or ship out mentality that did not endear me with the people that I handle.
In my mind the Imperial March themesong would be playing while I walk around. Seeing that I was very fond of Darth Vader and his persona I was being called a tyrant. A Sithlord who does not know compassion. I reveled in it striking fear to the masses. I was not evil in my mind because my justification was I was only doing my job to the best of my ability.
Then one day a lone boy stood up toVader. No we did not have that whole "Luke I am your father" spiel but more of an eye opener to me. He mustered all his courage and barred my path as I was going to my office and asked to talk to me. This was surprising because no one really liked going to my office. It was akin to having your teeth pulled they say because I have a very short temper.
So once inside he began to talk about his disappointment in being in a team like mine. Being it his first job he was idyllic and had notions of being coached and mentored, of having the best traits in him developed. Yet all he sees is fear and uncertainty. I was taken aback and no one had ever talked to me like that. I was accustomed to being followed because I knew what was good for the team's performance. Yet it seemed I neglected what was good for the individual. It takes a lot of courage to cry in front of another man but cried he did.
A spark of emotion lit in my cold heart, it beat in tandem with another human being and we silently talked for about an hour on what compromises can be done.
Change is not an easy thing to do. We are creatures of habit. It was not an overnight miracle because I followed Objectivism for quite sometime and behavior is one of the hardest things to change. I devoured new books and ideologies that dealth with a more humanizing touch of handling people. Then I discovered the Golden Circle of Simon Sinek.
Simon Sinek is an author and motivational speaker who has the 3rd highest watched Ted video. He talks about the importance of knowing your WHY and a Together is better philosophy of running teams. He often refers to himself as an optimist and positive person who just wants to help people be the best versions of themselves. It resonated with me and completely changed the way I viewed things. Sometimes all it takes is that one spark.
Here I am sharing that video that changed my life and I hope it will have a positive change in yours.
Because of that change I decided to change career paths as well and I went to HR. My primary goal there was to help motivate and inspire people to become the best versions of themselves. The programs I ran were well received, the activities and events were applauded, attrition was down and motivation was up. I was happy and loved what I was doing. I was passionate on helping others and exhibited empathy. People would now go to my office to chat and ask for advise. It was no longer fear that I was exuding but security and compassion. I was at the highest point.
Then 2017 happened...
I met my Senator Palpatine. She was motherly and a ready smile. She was heading the company at such a young age while juggling motherhood and being a wife. She was trusted and her words are always that what she does is to make things better for everyone. We fell for her hook, line and sinker.
Unknown to us she had plans. Dark plans to remove threats. Threats she considered because of being close to the owners. Apparently she is the only one who is supposed to be close. She whispered poison words and shredded people's reputation all the while maintaining a persona of a mother. She had her lackey's dig up faults and when those fail she would induce failures. She would set people up and in last minute throw them under the bus while absolving herself from any fault. As key people left or were removed she would always have that self satisfactory grin that is almost wolf-like, predatory in appearance. She loved wielding this power to destroy destinies.
Then she saw me as a threat. I could scarcely believe that it was happening and worse of all so called friends and allies left because of fear. She held their destinies and paycheck firm in her hands and they had to switch loyalties and friendships. I never blamed them because they had families to take care of but it still hurt.
Heroes can be beaten
Heroes can fail, heroes can fall and shatter, heroes can be broken. I sat in the dark and contemplated on that what has happened in my life and I gnash at the perception of unfairness. Life dealt me a sucker punch of nowhere for loving what I do. It hurt my heart and in a way I felt a piece of me die. Yet life must continue on. Life will not give you a pause button and wait for you. It will continue on and time will go unhindered. Things will change around you and all you can do is adopt or be extinct.
Depression is a demon hanging on our shoulders
Depression really hit me hard this year. It was a compounded by a lot of things. Two businesses failed, one business partner no longer a friend, stocks depreciating and becoming valueless, failed relationships, lost friendships and being broken made me close my heart again.
I moved on to a different job but even though I love the people and the things I do it was not real. I have been so accustomed to waking up each morning and smile. I would get into the office and use my cheery voice to greet everyone, I would go to my tasks and talk to people, console and be their pillar of strength. Play pranks and create wonderful activities to destress them. Yet underneath it all was the same broken, empty man.
There would be some days that I would work from home complaining that my scoliosis was bothering me. To be honest it was me not having the strength to put the mask. It was me not having the strength to get up and look at the world that was continuing on while i felt barren and empty, when my tongue feels ashen and all food without flavor, when the world is without any color. Those days were bad as I dream of ways of dying.
I was getting help but it did not feel like it was working. Nothing seemed to be proceeding. I was stuck. Funny how someone here in Steemit said this to me
My kind of depression is a sense of emptiness and devalue. It is a world of gray and ash which nothings gives joy and contentment.
It has been a depressing article so far write. I feel the heaviness as I write this down. Yet as the title suggests it is A NEW HOPE
AMAZING ADJUSTMENTS
My therapist suggested that I start writing again. I am not a good talker although I conduct training and seminars but I absolutely hate talking. I talk better with my hands. In fact I am really good at several things with my hands haha.
I was looking for a new blog platform and had actually created my Wordpress blog template already when one of my mentors, @ankarlie mentioned Steemit and we were one of the first people from our group of cryptocurrency enthusiasts that took the plunge and joined.
The promise of earning while writing good articles tantalized me. Here it was an opportunity to earn a little while practicing my craft. It was a win-win situation for me. I wrote my heart out and mustered all creativity that I could to write my introducemyself post and it got 6 votes.
I did everything that was suggested have a picture of me, some unique things about myself, my expectations, goals and desires and most of all I tried to give my stamp of identity. This was how I write, this was my voice in Steemit. Sadly it went unnoticed. Here is it is ever you are wondering why I failed
That was heartbreaking and I nearly quit right then because in my hubris I thought my introduction was good. It was not as simple as the other introductory posts that I saw. That was one of the first adjustments I needed to change.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
I needed to realize that I should not compare my work with the work of others. I should be happy when I see people get recognized and upvoted for their content. I should not bemoan when I write such a long post and don't get any interactions for it. I know the way I write is weird. It is often rambling, disconcerted at times and even uninteresting to others. The things I write about are the things going in my head. I don't usually write for an intended audience. What I write are usually the inner monologues that I have in my head when thinking. So yes sometimes it quirky, sometimes it is downright crazy! Welcome to my head.
When I stopped complaining I just started just writing and writing and more writing. I joind different contests and managed to win some. I was particularly proud of winning one of @vermillionfox Foxtales. You can see my entry here
I have been OCD by @howtostartablog once when I wrote about The Gift In Kind Foundation that we have been running for over 12 years now.In particular I hightlighted Sito Banawen which is a settlement of indigenous Filipinos called Aetas. This was also promoted by @paradise-found who had his incredible #gratefulvibes community.
It was very heartwarming to see people respond to my advocacy positively. The general outpouring of appreciation, comments and love was inspiring and when I told my friends about it they were happy about it and hopefully we will adopt Steemit as a way to get the word out and receive help donations from faraway countries. If you are interested to know more about Gift In Kind Foundation you can click on this link
A few days ago my contest A 2018 Visionboard was submitted by @futurethinker for curation. It was picked and I was just floored with the amount of attention it got after. 143 votes and almost 500 people visited the contest. 61 comments although half of it would be me responding haha.
All of this came from a decision to make a list. Anyone could create a New Year's resolution and like most people we tend to forget about it like the gym memberships we took on the first of January after the holiday binge :)
I needed something stronger and I had made a visionboard before and saw the power it had in changing my career at that point. So that was another of my adjustments.
FOCUS
I was adrift for awhile. My body would be at work, I would be able to do my tasks competently but I was not really there. The real me hid in a box as the facade of the HR practitioner was functioning and existing as a separate entity.
I was feeling lost and directionless. Floating like a leaf wherever the winds man take me. I did not really care anymore. I saw this post by @stackin taking about becoming a dolphin and it ignited a spark in me that I haven't felt for quite some time. and it fired me up! Here is his post about it.
HOW DO YOU BECOME A DOLPHIN ON STEEMIT? IT'S SIMPLE AS YOU THINK!
Writing is all about getting your story across and without a sizable reputation your voice does not have any weight.. You don't get heard. Look at our obsession with Whales, Dolphins, Minnows and Planktons. There is definitely an importance on order and voting strength so if you want visibility you need to swim with big boys and girls.
I will not be merely content in what crumbs come my way. I will hustle, write and join different contests to get more Steem and SBD. Power it up and stack it high!
With that said I made my vision board and prime on my vision for 2018 is reaching a higher reputation. I placed there 60 in my board but if I can get higher then by all means. Let's do this! I really want to be known and join curation guilds. One of my dreams is to get into @curie or @OCD to help discovering great content in Steemit.
COMMUNITY
It has been said so many times here that it has become cliche but people join Steemit to earn. That has been the new slogan being used by Steemit to entice new people.
I have personally guided nine people that I took from Facebook and helped in establishing themselves here. Out of the nine only five went ahead and made their introduceyourself post. Out of the five only two made follow up posts afters and engaged the community. Out of the two only one remains now and posting everyday.
I gave them the expectations that it will not be easy. That they will need to work for it. It is not like Facebook that you put up your selfie and hundreds like it right away. I told them most of those are friends and know you, or at least was attracted to your pretty face.
Here in Steemit it needs to be more engaging. You can't be just another pretty face. You have to create content. Out of the content you need to engage the community. It needs to have more substance. They walk away dejected and feel it is not for them.
I am by nature a lonewolf. An alpha wolf when need to be in work but personally I like being alone. Steemit is all about the community. It is hard to flourish if you are alone. You need to connect, foster relationships and collaborate with one another. I am really glad to have met a lot of wonderful people here.
One such group of individuals are the @steemitfamilyph who are ally like my nephews and nieces because they are so young. Our chats are so funny and vibrant as we joke around. Yet they are so talented like @jon24jon24 who heads the group and takes wonderful pictures of Baguio City where I was born. Every time I look at his photos I become nostalgic of my birthplace.
Another is the group of @steemitachievers who I was happy to see was being managed by @lebron2016 and @long888 . I have met the former in another group and was pretty happy to see her in SA and knew we were in good hands. She writes oh so beautifully. The latter I have seen his works resteemed by various folks and have gotten to like his style of writing. There are so many talented people in this group as they get curied one after another due to their talent in art, writing, photography and music. It is such a privilege to be part of a talented group and it pushes you to achieve more.
@steemph has me adopted because I am not really that active there as much as I want to but whenever I pop in to say high they are so friendly. I think one of the main reasons why I am shy was because I volunteered to be a part of their event committee but had one of my depression episodes and just ghosted away. Sometimes I love just reading as they talk about their lives (I know kinda creepy) and sometimes I want to join in but remember the ghosting incident. I do enjoy whenever it is early morning and I catch @dwightjaden and we talk about stuff and he is so proud of his family almost all in Steemit.
I talked about @paradise-found and his #gratefulvibes community earlier and he was instrumental in saving me during the darkest days this year. His comforting words and positive vibes always lifted me up and i got strength from all the posts that his community does in giving thanks for another day. In the same vein I got to know @daveks who always know when to pop in and say something that lifts my dark mood. These two fine gentlemen reaches out to an unknown man from the Philippines and give solace and keep the darkness at bay.
One of my greatest supporter here is @howtostartablog who I connected with our love for food and video games. I joined in one of his #dailyfoodphotography contests and even manage to snag a couple of wins. I have always admire how he(not really sure if a he or a she) gives a chance to new folks to win his prizes. Giving them a boost in terms of morale and Steem which when you are starting out is such a great gift.
@gmuxx is someone I truly admire for his work on introducing new Steemians or #ians as the tag. I admire his initiative give a leg up to new people joining Steemit by donating all the proceeds that he gets on his post about them and introducing the new plankton to his over 2700 followers. That Pay it forward mentality is infectious.
His work with the writers block is great as well in order to help make sure that great content is created in Steemit. I have joined Writers Block but is a silent participant in their discord channel, I have read their Archive of knowledge for writers and has polished some of the rough edges that I have.
One of my muse is @mariannewest with her #freewrite challenges. I have thoroughly enjoyed them and have met so many great individuals who have written great story stories that chased away the demons in my head and replaced with the characters they wrote about.
With the realization that :
Content is King but Reputation and Voting power is needed to be heard
Make no mistake that content is important but no matter how good something is, even if it is a Pulitzer Prize winning entry but if no one sees it then you might as well toss pearls before the swines. In order for you to be seen you need the visibility of Reputation and the voting power associated with it.
With some of the articles that I wrote that did well and the contests that I won, I was able to buy delegation from @blocktrades. This helped multiplying the value of my voting power times five of what it was before.
This power I will be able to help some of the planktons and minnows grow and become better members of the community. We promote and reward those that give good content and do our best to give them a leg up. By guiding them and rewarding good behavior we instill into them how to use Steemit and create great content. This is my way of paying forward all the individuals that helped me where I am now.
Lastly
Be Happy and Love myself more
This is an important adjustment in my psyche. I have gone around 2017 blaming myself for a lot of things. I have been so hard on myself that I feel both hatred and pity on myself. How can a man go on living when he doesn't like the face he looks at in the mirror.
My blinds are perennially shut, lying in my bed in the darkness, hearing whispers and dark thoughts. I have recently cast off the dark blinds and gazed at the window to the street below and see life as it unfolds. It is a promise to get up and not be cooped up in the darkness where demons lie.
I need forgive myself and let go of the hate and the despair. Remove the gray colored lenses and live again.
I am really thankful that Steemit entered my life. More than the financial benefits it is the healing it has provided, the way to experience being creative again, to write and play with words and create characters and to exorcise the demons living my head one by one, casting the darkness aside.
The biggest adjustment that Steemit gave me a NEW HOPE
I want to thank @surpassinggoogle for providing such a theme. It was cathartic therapy to me as I introspect and assess how much of a positive change it gave me.
I would like to thank you readers who managed to follow my trail of thought and snake your way to the maze in my head as we round up to almost 4000 words and over 20 minutes of reading it according to busy.org.
We have to be thankful of things we have experienced and I'll be here writing again and again each day till I am better.
I am asking mself now why I was not following you after all these time? Anyway, the story of coming up with Star Wars reminded me how brilliant George Lucas was. Isn't it amazing how someone tried so hard, was in his tipping point, but ended up with a blockbuster movie at his time? And then created a MASSIVE CHANGE in movie industry? That could be you. Everyone has his or her pill in life. This pill is just something that would ignite him more to do more and make the most out of his life.
Thank you Gail for the wonderful words. This is what I love about this community. All that positive energy and kind words. Everyone tries their best to be kind and nudge people to believe that they matter, that they are wonderful beings of such endless possibilities.
Indeed I chose Star Wars aside for Darth Vader because it is such a profound story of redemption and hope.
I have read the memories of George Lucas when he created it and it is moving.
Life is hard and often deals us blows but it is up to us to continue and grit our teeth and go back up. All it takes is a spark of resolve that I will not bow down and will make the most of my life.
And your words are deep as well. You should always bear in that you are success in the making. Many peope are looking forward after you.
Lots of love,
Johanna Gail
Your story was both moving and engaging. I love the parallels you draw to Star Wars. It almost seems silly but I've totally been there, when a work of fiction allows you to examine and describe your life in a new way. Sometimes I find it quite helpful. Great post and good luck with everything!
Thank you for the wonderful comment! Yeah we get that sometimes movies parallel what happens in our lives.
Art copies life and life copies art.
This might too long but it is worth the read. You are such an idol! Keep inspiring us Kuya and thank you for supporting us in our group. On behalf of steemitfamiyph, kailangan ka namin lol. Joke! We are so proud of you and basta galing mo po talaga hehe
Omg I almost died laughing from your comment!
Thank you so much and we are all in it together with the family!
Wow...just wow. You got every part of everything in here. You are the greatest writer we have yet in the group. I see you getting that 60 rep in no time. With these kinds of articles that you put out.
Glad that you saw our group. We might be young but we are determined :).
Lol I am not I am untalented as it is. Just got a few Lucky breaks.
We are determined, talented and will surely get stronger as a family.
Wow! this really amazed me. It was worth the read. You have talent in writing and this is very inspiring. To minnow like us, its such a relief that we have people in this community like you and the rest of the family. happy to be part of Steemit family.
Thank you Charm! Your words made me happy and know that I will always look after all of you and help you as much as I can except in math. I'm terrible there.
awesome post as ever.. galing mo mag sulat sir!
Awww thanks for the compliment :)
I'm so moved by your post, I could cry.
Well to be honest I was emotional as well when I wrote it. I was looking inwards and realized how much it has helped me get a lot of things off my chest.
Great post sir! Thanks for sharing this. Have a wonderful day. God bless sir.
Thanks man!
Nice to know your achievement in Steemit and very detailed post. :)
Lol some complained it was too detailed! That it was too long.
Just had so much to say and edited out some other things lol when I reached the almost 4k words.
Resteemed your article. This article was resteemed because you are part of the New Steemians project. You can learn more about it here: https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@gaman/new-steemians-project-launch
Thanks Gaman!