The Id, Ego and Super Ego of me

During my college years I was exposed to a lot of different ideologies and works of literature. I remember Sophie's World as my first rabbit hole journey to the realm of Philosophy, Psychology and the arguments of what makes man. It was truly mind blowing especially for a bookworm like me that read the great works of English and American literature the likes of Shakespeare, Chaucer, Doyle, Christie,Jordan, Hemingway and Gaiman.

Reading to me then was more about leisure. A way to escape a dreary world and be transported to a realm of magic, fantasy, mystery, suspense and humor. College opened the door to a lot more genres and ideologies. Looking back I am thankful for all those required reading they made me do because by choice I would have not picked a lot of their topics. Reading on Nietzsche, Camus, Plato, and the psychology musings of Freud literally blew my mind and faith. It is a bit ironic that a philosophy course in a Catholic school produces more atheists and non-believers.

I came from a deeply religious family who used to pray the Angelus every night. I remember one particular incident when we were biking around and lost the sense of time and it was only when I saw the waning sun did I ask what time it was. We were pretty high up and there was no way I was going to get back on time. I remember racing down the hill that day, I remember narrowly avoiding falling off a steep cliff, I remember the smell of my blood from my elbows and hands, I remember the pain of the gashes I had stopping my bike. I remember the pain on my kneels as I knelt down to pray. The speed I had rode was nothing short of a miracle just to avoid getting strapped with a leather belt. My Matriarch really took punishments seriously and we all lived in fear of that belt. Incidentally that was the last time I rode a bike as well.

So one thing that really struck me and until now use to understand the behavior of people is Freud's Structural Concept of Psyche. Each individual has his/her ID, Ego and Super Ego. To put it simply the Id is the unbridled passions and wants of the individual, the most basic traits of that person, the child like behavior that does not have limitations or presumptions. The Super Ego is the conscience of the individual. The higher expectation of who he/she is as well as what is expected by society as the norm. The ego is the rationalization of the ID and the super ego, thus this is the reality of the individual trying to live within their wants and passions but on the boundaries of the norm and society.

So what has that got to do with me? Well I am like all people a combination of different factors that determines my identity as both a social being and as an individual.

My Id is of the following things that pique my interest in reading, games and food. It is my want for pleasure, satisfaction and escape that fueled these likes.

I love reading since the age of 5. I remember devouring encyclopedias by the age of 7 and finishing two sets by the age of 9. I am a trivia hound full of useless information that I have read throughout the years. I tackle every genre possible but preference is fantasy, science fiction and magic. I love Lord of the Rings, The Wheel of Time, The Stormlight Archives and of course Ready Player One. I have also read Sweet Valley high and the Dollanger Series courtesy of my older sisters. To my Matriach's horror I found myself by age 8 reading her Sidney Sheldon books. I lifted any book and just started reading.

Ernest Cline Wiki

In a way I was trying to escape reality then by going in the literary world. A world less complicated in my view at that time.

I remember the Matriarch buying me for Christmas a Family Computer Console. I remember the very first game I played was Super Mario Brothers. That started my addiction to video games as I spent a better half of my childhood, my teenage years and until now glued in front of a screen and controlling a character as an extension of myself. I remember getting a PC and playing on a green screen Karateka, later on the staples Duke Nukem, Star Commander, Diablo, Command and Conquer and more games I could count.
Super Mario Bros Nintendo.co.uk

I remember during one of the dark episodes of my life when I was battling depression that I turned to videogames as a link to the world. I recall being 200 pounds, anti social and could not get out of bed. My family was supportive at that point and kept supplying me with games, soda and food, while giving me space to figure things out in my own.

Ah food, who does not love food. My social media accounts are basically just food entries to the point that people call me out for ruining their diets. What can I say I love food. I love making and eating food. I have a food porn addiction haha. I am one of those annoying people that would post the ingredients that I would be using and the finish product after. I am those people that like taking pictures of their food. I am that whole spectrum of people in Instagram that only has food in their feeds.

Wiki foods

Well that was how I became 200 pounds because I was eating too much and not getting any exercise because the other two things I like doing involves a lot of sitting.

My Super Ego is the one being raised by a deeply religious Matriach and having spent a better chunk of my life in an all boys Catholic school that is why my values at one point was deeply religious in tone. I went through it all. Being in Sunday Schools, joining religious organizations was at one point an altar boy in church. Society demanded that I be successful and strong because of being a man. Emotions were to be placed aside and getting ahead was everything. It is a constant struggle to be that person that Society wants you to be. A normal and successful human being who has a family and raising kids and eventually dying.

My Ego is trying at all times to balance these two different factors and make my reality, the me. I have to reign in a lot of my impulses to be a glutton, to be so lazy and just read and play video games to the socially accepted individual that has relationships, a career and is contributing to society. This constant war between your wants and desires versus the accepted norms causes a great amount of stress and unhappiness not just to me but all people that experiences it. This is where our mental wellness comes into play.

No one method is applicable to all because we are all different. We all have different Id's, Super Egos's and Ego's. So to ask who am I I get to answer in a lot of different ways.

I am Judd, an HR practitioner who believes in Simon Sinek's work on leadership of a more human work environment. Here I am in one of those co working spaces in Manila having coffee while writing this post. I love the vibrance of a co working environment as you still get to interact with some people but have enough space to be on your own as well.

I maybe one of the avatar names that I have used in the various games that I played.

Aero RO

I maybe also one of the many pseudonyms I have used to write my thoughts in cyberspace. Which brings me to my handle here MaverickInvictus. I would like to think myself as unorthodox and open minded in the way that I would understand other people. We should not be stifled by the norms even though Society demands it. Invituctus from idolizing Nelson Mandela's unconquerable spirit amidst adversity. It is my battle cry against depression that I will not submit and lay myself to die. Not this day, not this day...

All of these are me and I would love to connect, share articles and comments on things that I like and maybe some of the things that you like.

Excuse the ramblings at time.