RE: The process I took to learn how to mourn
Mourning for each person is as unique as the stars in the heavens. Each of has to find that journey on our own. No one can tell us the right or wrong way to mourn a loss. I remember being very confused and angry when my mother passed. I was 17 years old and the eldest of seven. I was given all sorts of advice on how I was supposed to react. Grandmother's advice was to keep a stiff upper lip. She was old Brittish stock. We never talked about my mom. It was like she never even existed. That clearly was not the answer. I suffered for years until I finally came to terms that it was okay to shed tears and share memories. I think that my brothers suffered more. It was not manly to show emotions, so they too kept feeling bottled up. To this day I think they are still suffering. I think it is a shame that even in today's society, men are not encouraged to show their emotions.
Indeed. I was told that men don't cry as well and that we are supposed to be tough. However, I've since learned that emotional toughness does not mean 'don't show any emotion' or to 'stuff and hide' the emotion. I've since learned that emotional strength comes from having the ability to express feelings in a healthy way and that it takes strength to cry and be vulnerable.
What helped me most was not what people told me on how to mourn, but by watching people mourn in a healthy way. That influenced me the most and I've never forgotten that lesson. Thank you my friend for sharing. I pray your brothers find within themselves a way to mourn in a healthy way.
Your analogy about mourning being as unique as the stars in the sky is beautiful! Stunning in fact as it is so true.
Peace to you.