The Dangers of PYPT - A Kimchi Rant: Ulog [#001] - Comedy Open Mic Round #30

in ulog •  2 months ago

Minding my own freaking business in PYPT listening to @shadowspub - adding my stupid little .02 cents here and there in chat and then BAM! My life forever changed - an entire day of my life I shall NEVER recoup, taste buds dying a horrible death.

Of what do I speak? That damn "friend" of mine @dreemsteem and her God-forsaken Kimchi "recipe". The girl has the gall to title the damn thing, "You are so welcome for this kimchi recipe! ", welcome my ass.

As she was a-pimpin' said kimchi recipe, @bluefinstudios and I were quipping back and forth about how gross kimchi was. He agreed with me... I agreed with him, until that damn Dreemie starts in, "but TAAHHMAALAAA - it's HEALTHY - you have to like it cause - it's HEALTHY, FERMENTED, GOODNESS."

And there she did it! SHE UP AND USED MY TRIGGER WORD!!!! - 'HEALTHY'! Unfair play at the highest levels and G-dammit she knows it. Spineless health nut that I am I relented. "Ok, ok, ok! You've pressured me into it - I'll try it."

Mistake #1 - agreeing to something on-air in PYPT where it's recorded for all to hear.

Seriously? This dish is usually made and buried in the ground to ferment.... buried.....good idea.... and then leave it there, I'm sure it would have some fertilizer benefit. But then again, why go through the 10 hours of chopping shit up to make fertilizer?

Next, when @Dreemsteem suggests this julienne peeler thingy, it shouldn't be taken as a suggestion..... but a demand, a law, a non-negotiable.

Was I intending to spend my WHOLE DAY making kimchi? ... No,no, I was not, and yet I did, why?

Lack of the damn julienne peeler thingy - Mistake #2.

So there I am, the very next Thursday, after procuring what I THOUGHT were the correct ingredients, while listening to PYPT, I began the Kimchi experiment.

Kimchi Ingredients.jpg

I'm confused, I'm unsure, I'm lost.... I'm direct messaging Dreemie:

tamala 9:52am <--Note what time all this shenanigans begins:
Do you leave the kimchi out to ferment or put it in the refrigerator or do the hybrid method of the original recipe girl?

dreemsteem 9:53am:
I put in fridge, Cuz it's gonna keep fermenting. That will make it slower.

tamala 10:05am:
Wait - she says to rinse the salt off the cabbage after the hour and half? yes? no? Now you're regretting the kimchi post aren't ya 😂 and shaming me into it.

dreemsteem 10:09am:
Yes - no hahahahaha i'm not regretting at all LOL I love that you're trying it
ask away!!!! honestly!
I was just posting in PYPT
I mean pimping hahaha.

tamala 12:43pm <--notice the time- almost 3 hours in!:
First I'm going to kill you.....
second I'm STILL doing this damn kimchi
third 2.5 CUPS of red pepper flakes? Really?

This, obviously is where it all went off the rails. I blame myself....but I blame Dreemie more.

Two and a half cups of red pepper flakes? In what universe was I thinking that 2.5 cups of red pepper was a good idea? I was apparently under some kind of witchcraft concocted by our own @Dreemsteem - I just can't explain it any other way.

I am not a red pepper flakes virgin. I KNOW red pepper flakes, I have cooked with red pepper flakes, I have NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE used TWO AND A HALF CUPS of red pepper flakes until this f-ing kimchi.

What was I thinking? Like this magic blend of particular vegetables and the weirdness that is "porridge" made from sweet rice flour is going to somehow abate the soul consuming fire that is 2.5 cups of red pepper flakes?

Mistake #3 - Not utilizing years of culinary experience and listening to Dreemie.

And on a side note. Now I've got 2 boxes of this sweet rice flour in my pantry. 1/2 cup of this stuff in the 3 cups of water explodes into this strange gelatinous mess - think mucous en masse. But not the green infected kind, the white and copious kind. I digress.

Now, days later, after Dreemie's witchcraft has worn off I have the bright idea to go check another kimchi recipe. You know, like a regular recipe, like a normal person, like the one off Epicurious.com Traditional Napa Cabbage Kimchi You know how much that recipe calls for? 1/2 Cup - ONE HALF CUP - 1/5 the Amount in Dreemies recipe - ONE FIFTH!!!!

And then the fails just continue.....

Tamala 12:54 PM: *sends wine picture*

dreemsteem 12:54 PM: ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL You have no idea how hard i'm laughing

Tamala 12:54 PM <--Notice I did not start drinking wine until after noon - possibly the only win of the day:
Ok - it has stressed me out to the point of wine 😂

dreemsteem 12:55 PM:
That doesn't look like a lot of cabbage LOL.

Tamala 12:55 PM:
That is one head of regular green.

Tamala 12:55 PM:
Was it supposed to be 2? Have I failed already?

dreemsteem 12:55 PM:
A regular green?!?!?!
Its supposed to be napa! hahahahaha
I cut up like 4 napa cabbages LOLOLOL

Tamala 12:56 PM:
Regular green - couldn't find napa so I said screw it.

Mistake #4 - wrong cabbage and not enough of it.

)

dreemsteem 12:56 PM:
Ok - but - its fine!
LOLOLOLOL I can't stop laughing

Tamala 12:56 PM:
Damn PYPT!

dreemsteem 12:56 PM:
You know what it stands for right??? LOL
Pressure Your Peer Thursday 😉
hehehehehe winningggggggggg

Tamala 1:14 PM:
Wait, wait, wait - when do I add the porridge in?

dreemsteem 1:14 PM:
You leave the porridge - and add the sauce - and flakes to that.
Did you NOT read my post?!?!?!?!

Tamala 1:15 PM:
I'm following your post step by step! My porridge is in the fridge and there's no further mention.

Read the post here and you tell me.

dreemsteem 1:15 PM:
Yeah - you mix it in to make the sauce. The red flakes - the sugar - the flour the water - the fish sauce - that's the sauce stuff.

Sugar? I saw no sugar in this recipe.... I digress and continue

Tamala 1:15 PM:
Ok, porridge, fish sauce, all that shit and flakes. Here we go.

dreemsteem 1:16 PM:
I almost choked on my drink.

Tamala 1:18 PM:
Now I'm coughing, sneezing and choking from the peppers - seriously this is the hardest most deadly recipe I've ever attempted!

dreemsteem 1:19 PM:
LOLOLOLOL Its good for you.
Puts hair on your chest.

Tamala 1:23 PM:
Shit! My Vitamix couldn't even mix it up AND I'm still sneezing uncontrollably - this is FUN (NOT)!

dreemsteem 1:25 PM:
I don't .... the sauce...
I mix it by hand mix what? I'm so confused with what you are doing right now LOLOL

Tamala 1:27 PM:
Wait what? I thought all that went in the blender? And what am I going to do with all this?
Your confused? Think what I’m feeling...
While sneezing....

dreemsteem 1:28 PM:

What is this?

Tamala 1:28 PM:
NO CLUE!

dreemsteem 1:29 PM:
Is this the cabbage too????

Tamala 1:29 PM:
No that's just the sauce - I didn't spend all that time cutting shit up to just put it in the blender.

dreemsteem 1:29 PM:
I am laughing so hard
no blender!!!! You weren't supposed to blend it only the garlic and ginger and onion. You did not read my post at all hahahahaha.

Tamala 1:30 PM:
Like seriously it's like 3 hours later (correction MORE THAN 3 hours) and I'm still messing with this shit.

dreemsteem 1:30 PM:
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
I have been laughing for 25 minutes straight
I'm light-headed now.

Can I consider that some type of payback at least? At least I've made her dizzy while she has practically murdered me.

Tamala 1:32 PM:
My flakes are actually flakey not powder.

dreemsteem 1:32 PM:
Right, flakes!

Tamala 1:32 PM:
Well not anymore I Vitamixed those bad boys into oblivion.... oops.

dreemsteem 1:34 PM:
Add the sauce until you think it looks "good", taste it too - see if you like the spice and flavor and it will get more and more tart as time goes on and the juices start to mix and ferment the flavor develops more and more but i like it the first day.

Spice and flavor? What flavor?

Tamala 1:39 PM:
I think the type of pepper matters - cause this is hella hot - and I eat habanero salsa. This will kill most. Will it mellow once it starts to ferment? Yeah - 1 tbs and your mouth is on fire.

dreemsteem 1:51 PM:
That sucks.
That's a lot of work for fire LOL

Why is she laughing? This is NOT funny.

Tamala 2:56 PM:

But I spent 4 hours making this shit so I'M GOING to eat it. Tastes like nothing - just burn.

Ok, on to the 1000 dishes I got dirty in the process. Kimchi is now on my never again list.

dreemsteem 2:58 PM:
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLL
nothing hahahahaha just burn LOLOL

And she's still laughing. I might have to kill her. Or send her some kimchi.

Tamala 2:58 PM:
Can't type.... mouth on fire.

dreemsteem 2:58 PM:
Well - me thinks you might have done something wrong LOL
I can't breathe again.

Tamala 2:58 PM:
Me thinks 2.5 cups pepper flakes ain't right.

AND if you read a NORMAL Kimchi recipe I am right!

dreemsteem 2:59 PM:
Well - Korean - yes. LOL
whatever you have??? maybe no. LOL
mine is spicy as hell! but there is like - a million other flavors hahahaha

Tamala 3:06 PM:
Nope no other flavor - just hot as hell.

dreemsteem 3:06 PM:
Maybe... yeah - i dont' know LOL
Go peer pressure! LOL You'll need a new round of probiotics after you burn the shit out of all the helpful gut flora you have now hahahahaha

Now she's being all helpful with her probiotic recommendations - pfffft.

An entire day of my life lost to kimchi - inedible kimchi. Now normally, when I make a recipe that is just not that good I just put the leftovers in the refrigerator and wait until it goes 'bad'. That way I'm not throwing away 'good' food.

"Eat your chicken nuggets! There are starving children in America!" ~~ Crazy Rich Asians, Ken Jeong's Character

The problem I face with this recipe is it doesn't go 'bad' it just ferments. Now what to do? I'm never going to be able to get rid of this shit. Possibly back to the fertilizer idea but I fear it may contaminate the soil.

The moral of the story? While @dreemsteem seems all nice and sweet on the outside she's really a practicer of witchcraft trying to get you to burn the shit out of your gut flora while peeling off layers of your oral mucosa.

Secondarily, be careful in PYPT lest it turn into Pressure Your Peers Thursday and you end up being cajoled into a deadly recipe under the guise of health.

I did in fact put the stupid left over onions in water to see if they would grow. At least Dreemie was right about that.

onions256.jpg

I nominate @penderis & @dreemsteem for the comedy open mic challenge. See Dreemie? The gift that just keeps on giving.

This is a true story. DM's are actual but edited for readability and brevity. No @dreemsteem's have been harmed in the making of this post. I still love you Dreemie....except for this fiasco...pay-backs are a bitch.

Written as an entry into @Penderis Abject Sleuth - 10 SBI Ulog Contest AND in response to @themadgoat's tag for the @comedyopenmic challenge - I have no clue what the rules are but whatever, killing two birds with one stone. And this was pretty funny....except the part where I almost died of red pepper poisoning.

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The fun and the pain of PYPT. Mostly fun or funny

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I'm still cackling!!!!

Cheers to pressure your peer Thursday!!!! Hahahhahahahaa

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Now Dreem... you’d never cackle... belly laugh maybe

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oh my gosh - you should have heard me today Shadows - it was 100 times funnier re-reading it this time!!!!! and it was HELLA funny the first time around!!!!!! LOLOL

but as you can see - i did NOT forget the sugar. LOL

Miss @tamala needs her reading glasses when following recipes hahahahahahaha

who votes that she tries again with the RIGHT ingredients this time?!?!?!? hahahahahahhahahahahahaha

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Fair is fair ... can’t hate on an outcome done wrong ... so @tamala round 2 soon be good idea

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lololololol I'M LAUGHING SO HARD SHADOWS!!!
but i honestly do have an amazing recipe for her hahahahaha but i know she won't believe me now! but she SHOULD. CUZ she will sooooooooo thank me - its the best gluten free treat ever! ahahahaha

still laughing!!!! cuz i'll never come back from this even though it was CLEARLY her fault ahahahahahahahahaaha

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What? Won’t believe you? You ... every believes in dreems right?

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yes!!!!!! that's what i'm saying!

dreems and magical fairy dust!

come on @tamala!!! Round 2 Round 2 Round 2

(i haven't stopped laughing since she posted this - i keep remembering parts of the conversation that she didn't post.... like the fact that hers came out brown. i can barely see the screen i'm laughing so hard. i dont' even know where BROWN would come into the recipe - it should be so red! LOLOLOLOL)

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hahahahaha not even second thoughts????

ummmmmmmmm INCORRECT MISS @tamala!!!!

i DID say sugar! and this is from 11 days ago - so i cannot edit it hhahahahahahaha

it said sugar in my ORIGINAL post LOLOLOL

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lolololololol

OMG lol that is hilarious. Well, it's all about the journey right? Was the final product not sour at all? OR salty? Is it salvageable? Lol... I'll just go buy a jar of kimchi from the mart....

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I am in the car choking on my milkshake (totally unhealthy) laughing at.this post!!!

It IS 2.5 Cups of pepper flakes!!!! Lolol
But Korean! I told her this hahahahahha

And she had like 1/4 the amount of cabbage!!!!! Lololol

Oh my gosh this is hilarious!!!

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The final product is merely skull meldingly hot. No flavor, no sour, just HOT!

Salvageable? Only in the quantity you might use Tabasco sauce. So that means I've got kimchee hot sauce for years to come.

Not buying kimchi from the mart.... I have kimchi fear emblazoned on my soul with fire.

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you used the wrong about of cabbage - the wrong type of pepper flakes - and no sugar!!! cuz you forgot hahahahhaha

(and it was there!!!!!!) LOLOL

That was pretty funny. I knew you could do it. I might have to try my hand at kimchee now. If you want to make something you are guaranteed to say, “never again in a million years” try making filo dough from scratch.

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I'd have to make gluten-free filo dough - I think that doesn't even exist .... damn.... Gluten Free Phyllo Dough (Fillo) and Spanakopita.

Here we go again. SMH, FML.

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ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! youre gonna die laughing

but i seriously have THE recipe for gluten free spanakopita.
and i'm not joking.. this shit is the bomb.

i JUST did it the other day and was gonna write a post on it. i'm so so so serious!!!!! LOLOL i'm laughing my ass off because i know you're not gonna believe me - but IT IS THE BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and there is no such thing as gluten free phyllo dough - believe me. i've looked EVERY freaking place.

just - wait. wait til you see the post. and then i won't even shame you into trying it. cuz its totally not healthy in the least - so i can't even like guilt you using the MAGIC word.

but its DIVINE.

I PROMISE

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This is an AMAZING recipe!!!!!! Hahahahahahhaa but perhaps just use Maangchi's original post lolololol

I guess I did forget to mention the sugar??? Lolol I don't know. I am still laughing!!!!!!!!

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☝🤣😂🤣😂🤣☝

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i did NOT forget to mention the sugar!!!!! LOLOLOLOL

i hear if you wanna really be healthy that it is all about the kimchi enema. id let your concoction ferment a few more days and then bottom shelf it for optimal health.

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Annnnndddd now we know why your name is @buttcoins - I’m pretty sure that suggestion would provide a plethora of butt coins! 🤦‍♀️

Wow. I don't even know what to say. Maybe get your hands on some valium before cooking. I don't think food preparation should invoke this much chaos.

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Valium! YAAASSSS!

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oh as long as she posts about it - i say keep going!!!! I laughed my ass off all morning hahahahahhaa

and when I MAKE this recipe (with the recipe that she failed to follow and i defended on MY response post hahahahaha) its freaking delicious! but i'm not sure what she made. LOLOL

except a new alien species hahahahaha

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Well, it makes me never want to try kimchi, that's for sure. Not that I ever had an inclination before.

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hahahahaha awww that's sad! maybe sometime if you find yourself at a Korean BBQ restaurant - you can try theirs. heheheh I promise - my recipe is SO good! but @tamala had some technical difficulties! hahahaha

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Haha, great story, thanks for sharing. I had to check out the original recipe to make sure it really said 2.5 cups of red pepper flakes. I think if I dumped an entire large bottle of them out I'd be hard-pressed to have 2.5 cups! That is an insane quantity.

And is that a head of iceberg lettuce I see?

Good stuff, well done! And don't forget, laughing is healthy too :D

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It's cabbage! Green Cabbage! Apparently the wrong type of cabbage.... but cabbage nonetheless.

I'm still laughing... but still stuck with alien fauxchi paste....

Marketing ideas?

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Call up Joe Rogan on Fear Factor :P

This post made me laugh SO hard that I had no choice to but leave a Dreemie. Thank you for all the giggles @tamala!!!!
dreemied w steem smallest.jpg

Shame, poor little tamala, upon closer look at Dreems recipe I concur that it is not so much a recipe as a riddle.

What puzzles me is that you just kept going instead of stopping, maybe the wine gave you fools determination or the fact that dreem can't stop laughing in her DM's made you even more determined to prove to her that the recipe is not as advertised.

Silver lining we can all enjoy the fruits of your suffering. Maybe the veggies did reduce that red pepper bite, I am sure that is the only problem you should go to the fridge and have a bit to check 😜

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SHE USED THE WRONG PEPPERS!!!!!!!!!

and she did NOT use the julienne peeler!!!!! LOL my recipe is crytal clear!!!!! BUT not for someone who is re-writing the recipe while she's making it!!!! LOLOL

as a matter of fact - you can see that when she is getting the groceries from the store she clearly states"SCREW IT" and gets her own concoction going hahahahahahahahaha

i stand by my recipe!!!! LOL but not Tamala's perversion of my recipe! KOREAN PEPPER FLAKES - KOREAN FLAKES - PEOPLE!!!!!! lololol

My laughter was at her determination to keep going after disregarding half of my instructions!!!! LOL

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Everything is bigger in Texas... hotter?
I read your recipe though and it is not exactly crystal clear :
3 Cabbages - NAPA CABBAGES - reason why? so someone can make an informed substitution) Notice the quantities?
2 Cups of Korean Flakes - reason why?
mix some suspicious looking white stuff, make paste .... paste with veggies , does the white stuff get used to inseminate something else?

Yip she might have cocked it up proper which is good reading, but your recipe may have contributed about 20% to that haha.

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napa is like twice the size of what she got hahahahahaha you dont' need a reason - you just follow the recipe! LOLOL

not TWO cups of korean flakes... 2.5 cups!!!!! why???? becaus THAT is the recipe. LOL

not jalapeno peppers. not chipotle peppers. not habanero..... KOREAN PEPPER flakes. LOLOLOL WHY?????? because THAT is the recipe.

Recipes can be adjusted AFTER you've done it once - then have fun. hahahaha but if you're using thigns you've never used before.... FOLLOW THE RECIPE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and that paste - did you see what mine looked like??? LOL did you see what hers looked like???

PLUS.. if she was confused i DID leave the original Maangchi recipe - but you can see - she is equally as fluid with her recipe explanation... because a lot of recipes like this goes by look, feel, scent, taste. you adjust it to what you like.

BUT. BUTTTTT.
you start with the RIGHT ingredients hahaahahahahahaha

i say my recipe is 100% correct! i do not accept 20% fault in this at all! nope nope nope! LOL

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OMG I'm dying. The white stuff DOES look exactly like it should be used to inseminate something else. THAT was the description I needed.

Green cabbage .... Napa cabbage.... can they really be that different?

And YES - a riddle - that's what it was. We all know I'm bad at riddles. Apparently REALLY bad.

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exactly sir pen! why did she not stop when she had the chance!!!! hahahahaha

Ahahaha. Oh thank you so much for posting this - I think I may have burst something important by laughing so hard. 2.5 cups of chili flakes? Seriously? And don't you love how supportive that conversation in DM was 😂

Sending healing vibes to your taste-buds, and respect for your determination to keep going for all those hours!

E x

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please do go look up in the comments at my PROOF that i DID say sugar. ahahahahahaha

and i coudln't help it - i was just laughing so hard. she is seriously the funniest person i know!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOL

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Ahahahaha! I'm still laughing here. I ha e a suggestion... use it like you'd use chili paste in cooking. Like a teaspoon to add depth to a sauce. Should last you a few decades 🤣

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that stuff will keep fermenting! hahahahahahahaha maybe eventually the fermentation will kill the fire?!?!?!?!?!

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Or maybe it will turn into a new civilisation that re colonises Mars?!

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they'll have red scales for skin. and have the power to consume fire.

hehehehehe next shipment that goes to Mars.... please take some of @tamala's fauxchi (sorry i can't even call it kimchi... she did not make kimchi LOLOL it turned out brown LOLOLOLOOOLOOL)

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Ahahaha Fauxchi has got me laughing all over again!

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Oh great.... now I have alien chili paste....

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hey!!!!! when you're rich - you'll be thanking me then!

dont' forget about me when you're a gazillionaire for discovering a new species!!!!!!!

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Hehe... imagine the branding... you could sell it for a fortune 😂

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Thanks @eveningart - it was very traumatic. VERY traumatic, I'm still recovering and trying to figure out what to do with this stuff. Want some?

In fairness, @dreemsteem you did say sugar.... like that 1/4 cup of sugar was going to do anything to offset 2.5 cups of SHEER HOT TERROR, but yes.... the sugar was, in fact, in the recipe.

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2.5 cups of KOREAN RED PEPPER FLAKES!!!!

lololol i even SHOW the bag with the Korean writing and everything!!!! LOLOLOL

i honestly - i can't - cannot - stop laughing!!!!!!!

Hi tamala,

Thank your post in the #comedyopenmic tag.
Please note that this isn't a generic tag but rather it's a tag for our contest
If you'd like to participate you can click here to read the contest rules.

I would like to draw your attention to the rule asking contestants to include "Comedy Open Mic Round #" in the title.
We are currently on round 30

Please update your title and we will pass your entry along to the judges for judgement*.

*Judges that pass judgement only judge as far as judgement is concerned.

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Thanks for the info! Title updated. Thanks :)

Hi tamala,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)

Judges:

If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
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Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

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Awesome! Thanks! I'll go with pantless and wine in hand.

LOL!!!! And this dear @tamala is why you should just be eating gluten!! It tastes of rainbows and happiness!! And it won't be turning you into a fire breathing dragon!!! Sooo freaking hilarious though!!!

Also, will teach you to skim a recipe instead of reading it lol. I once added 4 teaspoons of chilli powder to savoury rice and im pretty sure there was smoke coming from my ears!! So i cant imagine what 2.5 cups of chilli flakes did!! We also now know that @dreemsteem is not a reliable sauce for recipes!! Lol!!!

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what?!?!?!?!?! yessssssssssssss i am!!!!!!! don't let her tomfoolery trick you!!!! LOLOLOL this sauce is so incredibly flavorful!!!! LOL

but as you can CLEARLY SEE from my post - the KOREAN ALPHABET all over the bag shows that it is KOREAN red pepper flakes LOLOLOLOLOLOL

recipes just require reading. and adhering. and administering.

i cannot be held responsible for turning away from a well-written recipe hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i say... ROUND 2 ROUND 2 ROUND 2!!!! lolol

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Lol if it takes as long as @tamala says I don't support round 2!! Thats literally hours of her life she can't get back!!!

Lol im not so sure about experimenting with chilli flakes!! How are the Korean ones less toxic though?? I would tjink chilli flakes are chilli flakes.

Unless korean chilli flakes are for those that cant handle the heat!!

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Right? Round 2 NOT GONNA HAPPEN! And how much of this stuff does @dreemsteem make at one time? I have like a freaking gallon of inedible kimchi - imagine if I had used 4 heads of cabbage? For one I'd likely still be chopping and I'd also have no space in my refrigerator.

This just occurred to me. If she uses 4 heads of cabbage and makes what? a vat? of kimchi - how long does this stuff actually last? Unless she's eating IDK bowls and bowls of it daily she must make one batch of kimchi to last 6 months?

I feel like I'm going to be writing a 1 year kimchi anniversary post where I'm finally using the last of the kimchi that refused to go bad. Hence even if there were to be a round two (which there will not) it would be a year from now.

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Hahahhahahah!! Well done for persevering with the kimcha!! If it's as horrible as you describe i would have cut my loses!! I'm not sure i would donate it though!! Unless i really didn't like the person and hoped they suffered from ulcers!! But this is getting rather twisted!!

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Oh... MAN!!!

I do NOT even know where to begin:

OH, yes I do:

KIMCHI???????

What.
Are.
You.
Thinking?

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that's how you measure RED PEPPER Flakes.
In EACH, not in CUPS.

As in,

ADD 1 Red Pepper Flake.

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and, by the way, you nailed it in your post!

This is a painful amount of work for compost.
Home Depot sells compost for $1.89 a bag.
Or, take all the cabbage, and put it underground and then, when it is fermented... leave it there.

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Why! WHy? WHY???? Didn’t I remain steadfast with you in the NO KIMCHI camp.

Oh! how I regret getting suckered into this fiasco.

taking ‘kimchi’ aka 'fauxchi' outside to bury ~ yet still concerned about soil contamination?

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No.
Kimchi.

seems simple enough.
did you have your earbuds in during PYPT?
Or, did you fall prey to the hypnotic siren song of the dreemie damsel?
You listened?
you did not wear earbuds and ended up hearing the voice and then, hypnotized into
42 and a half pounds of red flakey hell...

I am so ashamed.

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Yes, I am ashamed of myself. But it's true the hypnotic witchraftery of Dreemie got me!

looking for earbuds

Not sure what this will grow to..... but after putting a Dreemie on your post.... here is the value LOLOLOLLOLOLOL

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I knew Satan was at work here..... I knew it!

Thanks for the Dreemie, Dreemie!

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you know it love - you earned every bit of it. oh my gosh my cheeks hurt from laughing - and my stomach for sure is going to be sore tomorrow!!!!! worked those abdominals for 2 hours in glee today ehehehehehe

and yes - Satan put his stamp of approval LOLOL

Speaking of nuts, I love nuts, and I'm Oatmeal. Oh, doctor is my trigger word because I prefer natural remedies, gardens, and stuff.

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I must be nuts to put 2.5 cups of red pepper flakes in anything! I'm right there with you preferring good nutrition and natural remedies. My attempt at kimchi was sadly neither.

Thanks for stooping by!

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I do love pepper.

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Me too! Just not to the point of physical harm 😂😂😂

Oh I actually really do love kimchi! But... 2 1/2 cups of red pepper flakes?!? WTF?!? That is clearly, clearly wrong LOL. You typically see recipes calling for some number of tablespoons of chili flakes / powder LOL! Mmmm sour fermented juice is my favorite. Not even joking :joy: This was a funny read, especially the annotated direct message screen caps LOL Much love - Carl

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Right? 2 1/2 cups of red pepper flakes - CLEARLY WRONG. But I was under some sort of hypnotic spell or my faculties went out for the day - I do not know which.

Glad you got a laugh out of it and thanks for stopping by!

OMG I am dying! xD @dreemsteem you are such a naughty steemian! haha

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Yes! yes she is!

Oh @tamala you poor thing, what did you let Dreemie get you into... it looks like a disaster. And I would just throw that away... really... just count it off as a loss.

And of course I had to go back and read her recipe again and I will agree that her recipe is somewhat um.... whats the word?? Let's just say I see why you bought only one cabbage.

And I will agree with @penderis and say @dreemsteem should accept 20% of the blame because not only did she not say how many cabbages but she also stressed how much of a rebel she was and can understand why you would take the same rebel approach because hey why the hell not! Right?

And remember Tam, when people speak of Dreem you hear words like witchcraft and demon... and then the Dreemie puts 666 on your post 🤔 I would be careful

Seriously Tam, this was freaking hilarious... i laughed from start to finish and could totally feel your frustration and reaching for the wine because that just makes evwrything better hehehe

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Hahahahahhahaahhaahaha!!!!!!!!!

MONCH!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL

Napa cabbage! It's twice the size of regular cabbage and I cut 4!!! Lol

Did I not show them all in the picture!?!? 😂😂😂😂😂

I accept no responsibility!!! How can I still be laughing about this!!!! Hehehhehee

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I'm thinking @dreemsteem should accept more of the blame - she accepts none, you and @penderis say 20% - I'm sayin' at least 50%! Directly from her recipe ...

You can get whatever kind of pepper flakes you want but I get these cuz you're supposed to!!!!! so.... be rebellious if you like.

See? She encouraged it! You're right @monchhichi23! She totally encouraged rebellion. And then the whole 666 thing.... yep.... demoness, witchcraft....

I will need to find someone to do an exorcism in my kitchen now. And figure out what to do with my....

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh @tamala you fell for miss @dreemsteem recipe!!!!

i kept laughing the whole time reading your very very very long rant!!! hahahahahaha you had nailed it both the rant and comedy open mic!!!

i agree this is a disaster in the making!!! hahahhahahahahaha

@dreemsteem you had just lost the trust in your recipes now that this was brought to public's attention hahahahahahahaha

but congratulations on your way @tamala for braving it all through the end even though you knew from the start it will not end well.. hahahahahahahahhaha

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I did! I did fall for her recipe! Blind trust.

It was kind of a long rant huh? Well, it was a LOONNNGGGG day of chopping, mixing, and then ending up with mountains of kimchi chili paste at the end - so it kinda called for a lengthy post.

Really I don't know what came over me to actually PUT all those chili flakes in there just 'cause Dreemie had it in her recipe.

Glad you found it amusing 😄

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oh yes it did fill my mug for the day!!!

but i like your friendship more! despite it all you still are good friends! hahahaha


This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
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Woo hoo! Thanks!!

Totally lol! Now my head is not working! 😂🔫

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Apparently, mine wasn't working either 😂!

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lol! 😂🔫

I think @dreemsteem owes you a julienne peeler, for the next time you make Tamchi  😁

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Tamchi's Alien Fauxchi
"Puts hair on your chest"
find it in a supermarket near you!
😂😂😂🤦‍♀️

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You and @dreemsteem should so record a commercial like that! Seriously!
That is hilarious...!!!  rofl.png