I often think of how it must have been to be such a free spirit growing up, to defy the social norms as much as she did. Organized religion, socio-economic norms, the status quo, all those things she was always vocal against, regardless of many times she would get the "crazy" label attached to her name.
Person A - "What?? you've not baptized your kids??? Why???"
Mom - "Because I want their faith to be their choice..."
Examples, I have thousands, she never cared, she still doesn't. She has always believed in the principle of live and let live, of giving kindness first, and that example is something I try to emulate as much as possible, and I'm sure I still fall short.
So, last night, she tells me that if I'm ready to move to the farm, she's ready to help me in every way she can. In her mind, her almost 40 year old kid moving to grandpa's farm, is not a reason for worry, it's not even a reason to be sad, to feel the need to council, to lecture, or anything of the sort. For her this upcoming event is just an opportunity for me to be happier, she told me so herself.
She's never hesitated to tell us, her children, how proud she is. And honestly, there is nothing too great about any of us, we are just flawed humans, but I think her pride comes from the fact that at least, all of us have tried to carve our own way, all of us have tried to think for ourselves. I'm pretty sure that is what she means every time she says it. It's certainly not about our financial success, and she's never been one to pay much attention to that anyways...
One of the things she said to me last night gave me such peace, and it was a silly little thing really, but it was so undeniably true, that it gifted me hope. "As long as we have the land, and we are willing to put some work into it, we will never worry about food"- That is so true, so freaking true - Why would I have to worry about markets being down again, if my food comes mainly from our farm? If noone would knock on our door saying we are late on payments or anything of the sort?
That visualization, that little glimmer of peace felt so good, so promising, and it's precisely what I needed to hear her say. I'm lucky.... very lucky to have a crazy mother like mine.