A Mistake is Only a Mistake if We Don't Learn From It
I'm going to turn this from a mistake into a lesson.
The boys and I headed out to pick some berries and ride around at the church. Kiedis (pictured above) is a master picker. For years now he has been able to identify every edible berry and he's so enthusiastic about picking them all, and even more enthusiastic about eating them.
Blackberries
Huckleberries
Blueberries, and we even found Raspberries too.
Here is our bucket at the beginning, we ended up almost filling it up...
Enter mistake #1. Poor Kiedis ended up dumping the bucket when it was almost full. It went down into a rocky crevice (berries unretrievable) and it's not Kiedis who made the mistake, it could have happened to anyone. It was me and my reaction to the situation. I got frustrated and mad. Said his name in my mad voice KIEDIS! He felt so bad...
So, earlier I was taking a bunch of photos, and I noticed this miracle Black Eyed Susan plant growing out of gravel! What a feat right?!
Enter Mistake #2.
I had brushed off the berry incident and was over hanging out with Stryder as he rode his bike...and there is Kiedis coming towards me...with the whole Black Eyed Susan plant in his hand, giving it to me. And I fucking did it again, just overreacted, and said his name harshly KIEDIS!, nooooooooooo!
I immediately felt like such a dick as his face crumpled into tears. He was just trying to make things right and I freaked out over the plant being destroyed instead of seeing his heart and what he was wanting to do by giving me the flowers.
How Can I Turn This Into A Lesson?
First off, a genuine apology. After I had cooled down again, and stopped the inside trash talk as well (I'm such a douche, terrible Mother etc etc) I told Kiedis how sorry I was, that I know he was trying to make me happy with the flowers and that I shouldn't have yelled. I explained to him about how picking the whole plant, now it may not come back next year. We decided we are going to spread our own Black Eyed Susan seeds over in that gravel in the autumn.
Consciousness. Another way I can keep this as a lesson. Taking a moment or TEN before I react. Before I even move a face muscle! These are just little guys, aged 7 and 8. I need to slow down, for them. I can put myself into Kiedis' shoes and imagine how it would have felt to see Mom's face and hear Mom's voice get so angry, over basically "spilled milk".
As for the berries, we found a bright side to that as well. Perhaps those seeds will grow a bunch of new berry plants where they fell. Perhaps they will feed a lot of bugs and animals that couldn't have reached them as they stayed drying on the bushes. Now it's a buffet!
Thank you again, for witnessing my journey through this life, my beautiful #STEEM #Ulog Family. Take care and have a wonderful weekend. Feel free to share your parenting Oooops/ Lessons with me in the comments!
I say the berries will feed birds and deer and other animals and reseed themselves. The flower, um well brown eyed susans are everywhere, so help him reseed. He is the best berry picker ever. xx The part that is the best is that you said sorry. That brings tears to my eyes. He will learn that if he is ever upset with someone that he knows how to say sorry too. I really cant remember ever having a parent say sorry after they blew up, when I did some small misdemeanor. So good job Mom. xx
Thank you so much for these encouraging words Marion...thank you for 'innerstanding', your grandchildren, and me.
Aww, I love that your whole family is on Steem.
Will the perfect parent please stand up...
What? Not one?
Don't sweat the petty shit. Kiedis knows he's loved.
Trying not to sweat the 'petty shit', just don't want to break trust, gotta nip this in the bud <3
a wise and kind mother :)
the main thing-time to pull myself together
I wish you well and patience
Thank you so much Angel @madlenfox! I wish the same for you <3
oh, dear, you're so great to realize your mistake!
You know, I often do the same: emotions can rule my words, intonations or deeds faster than I can understand what is happening, and thus I can hurt my beloved people... And with the baby it's the same - sometimes I can become crazy with his behavior or crazy games, and only later I realize I was wrong.
I feel like sh*t in such moments, hate myself that I couldn't control myself. Of course, I say Sorry, I hug and kiss, I regret about it sincerely, but I cant correct the situation and come back to the past, and I feel guilty for a long time, "eating" myself...
But one day I read a great psychological article where specialists explain that there are NO ideal and perfect parents, all of them can be wrong sometimes and make mistakes, it's Ok!
Parents are just people, not robots or Supermen, they can be ruled by emotions as well, and they can behave wrong too, and we must just take it and keep calm. Don't "eat" and blame ourselves like I did.
Of course, we should improve our skills, rule our mood and emotions and not be ruled by them, and we should realize when and why we were wrong and say Sorry to our kids. Then they will understand people can be wrong, but the main is to understand it in time and apologise!
Thank you so much for relating Natalia, and for including the wisdoms that you picked up from reading about parenting. That helps take 'the weight off the shoulders', I feel more relaxed reading your words.
The boys you know that you love them. What is important is to learn from the mistake so as not to repeat it again, but we are only human. There are no perfect parents or kids. And you apologised. That is important too. That was something my father never learned and I can't remember the times in my life that he did this kind of thing to me. I never got encouragement and I never had an I love you from him either. So I swore when I became a parent I would do things so differently. DidI slip up? Of, course I did. We all do, but I was really quick to recognise it and correct it as soon as possible. Congratulations, Lyndsay! You are human and you did great recognising it and making up for it!
Great job breaking the cycle Ceci, that's a success story! I had a similar upbringing...
I hope when I look back I can say the same, I appreciate your empathy and encouraging words!
Thanks, Lyndsay! If I can do it so can you!
The exact right lesson to take - to slow down and be sure that your words and actions match your intentions.
Definitely a challenge when you have many responsibilities, but the more you bring your awareness to the feeling of getting ahead of yourself (and the feeling of slowing down!), the easier it becomes.
Thank you so much for 'innerstanding' @wholeself-in!
It's so good that you were able to realize, take a breath, and apologize and explain to him. Most adults do not treat children that way. Even if they realize they made a mistake, they don't admit it and sometimes even double down on that mistake. You're a GOOD mother. You do the adult thing! You're also a human, and humans make mistakes! <3
Thank you PHE! You're right, being stubborn, or just 'I am older so I am right' just doubles down on the mistake, I love how you put that!
<3
Is there such a thing as a perfect parent. I doubt it. Sometimes a little disapproval and a stern face can teach us valuable lessons in life. But of course there is usually an up side to a disaster and Im sure Mother earth never disapproves of the odd mistake or disaster she will use it to her advantage you can be sure. You should remember how even after a volcanic eruption and the devastation it caused to our Island the beauty has returned and probably stronger. A fig tree growing up through a crack in the lava rock is a beauty to behold. 🌷💝🌷💝🌷
That would be pretty impressive indeed Andy! Thanks so much for the empathy, and for sharing your wisdoms with me. Much Love and Respect Brother!!
Awe poor Kiedis that horrible sinking feeling, well lessons learnt by both, Bless his little soul, but you don't please mum by that move. He loves ya!! Mum
Thank you so much for reading about our day @blackholebridger!
Been there, done that. I think the mark of a good parent, and adult in general, is the ability to admit that mistake and apologise, particularly to children. Too many adults seem to think that they show weakness or embarrassment apologising to children, but how else will they learn that it's okay to admit mistakes if the example is never there?
That is an excellent way to look at it, thanks @life-relearnt!