Ulog #9: I turned 32!

Hello there! I haven't been actively posting recently and had not been committed to my own "challenge" to myself of posting a post per day. I took some time off to rest and to also to think, and to celebrate my 32nd birthday!

It's just everything was followed by one after another.

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Overnight Prayer

I went to an overnight prayer, so our schedule was a bit haywire but having said that, I didn't regret we made that decision. It was a much needed night with God and I was also pleased to see my son enjoyed himself so much.

_{This was taken at 1 a.m. when he was still actively running. But he was fast asleep from 137a. m. onwards. He told me before he slept, the angels were drinking and playing football.}

_{Me self patting myself Hahah!}

It was a very wonderful experience for me and I was thankful the little one could adapt while I had to let go of the usual expectation of sleeping at certain hours. I was glad we tried it for the first time. All of us left with a great refreshing touch from God, though we were sleepy and took days to readjust back.

Attending a Funeral

My husband's grandaunt passed away on Tuesday and her funeral was on last Saturday. She suffered from cancer and it recurred after her first round of treatment. So, when her daughter knew it wasn't optimistic anymore, my family went to see her on the day before she passed on, except my boy and I. The family had a great time of coming together and also meeting some they have not seen for a long time. There was much restoration and reconciliation which took place too.

_{@littledrummerboy hugging the grandson of our grandaunt.}

Thus, though tired and "time-lagged", we decided we wanted to go to the last wake service besides the funeral itself to be with their family and also pay our last respect. It was a very nice and pleasant service, as the place was at a memorial centre, very professionally done. Her deceased body looked very much at peace and still looked good after several days, by far one of the best I have seen from funeral to funeral. Her coffin was covered with drawings from her grandchildren and also her church choir books. The wake services were full and I heard there were extra 50 people standing outside of the parlour hall because the hall was already packed up. This speaks a lot about my husband's grandaunt, doesn't it? It was a very peaceful ceremony with some joy, though much reluctance. They were testifying for their mom in their eulogies and everything was in a lighter manner.

I enjoyed myself singing some old Chinese hymms as well as some of the old Chinese worship songs which I actually grew up in. I could feel God's loving presence in the place.

_{@littledrummerboy playing with his supposed uncles if we go by the Chinese generation differentiation.}

As for my boy, he was happily being taken care of the grandaunt's own grandchildren. One of them who has a similar temperament as my son when he was younger, really adored @littledrummerboy and kept asking if he could take the little boy home. Hahaha. Someone told his mum maybe it's him requesting for a younger sibling but the mum said "the factory" is burnt. Hahah that was funny and she could joke still while sending her mom's body off, knowing her spirit and soul is well in heaven. I guess that's the difference when we know our eternal destination after this life on earth. We are thankful she is now in a place without pain and sorrow.

My Birthday!

I turned 32 on 2 September! After the funeral, my mum-in-law went with the family to the cremation site which was further away while we headed back to our home area after waking up early. My son was a bit reluctant to wake up hence we went there in his pyjamas, haha. We knew we couldn't stretch him too much because we still have many activities going on after that, so we went to a nearby mall from brunch and that's it for the Saturday as we prepared ourselves for church on Sunday, not overriding ourselves too much. We went to our favorite fast food chain and had a cheat day with Sugarbun, a food chain from my hometown. My husband wrote about how good the broasted chicken are here

_{My super yummy juicy birthday cake this year!}

They were so good that we went back again for my birthday dinner the next day, which was on my exact birthday when the place we wanted to go for Iberico pork had closed because we were having a very late dinner due to a long needed nap.

The restaurant we went gave me a complimentary ice cream and asked us to post a group picture to their Facebook page. Here's a not too good group photo, due to lighting and also angle:

_{My church friends also went for a nice cosy lunch with me after our Praise Celebration ended later that day. We had lunch at 3pm!}

Then the girls took me out for some happy desserts! There, I met a girl, one of the twins I used to bring to children church when she was young and she remembered me! I am so glad to see her after all these years. We used to hang out a lot at her apartment with her neighbours who all went to children church with me last time. I was technically their cell leader hahaha.

_{The shaved ice was really good and we had a good time catching up too!}

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My After Thoughts

I usually do a personal reflection after my birthday each year:

I am thankful to be growing older because I realised not everyone can, with our current enigma of life when life seems to be so fragile and yet precious. Many ended their lives because of various reasons. Some people fight so hard just to live another day while some really don't want to live another day. Upon attending a funeral right before my birthday, I know growing older is also a gifted grace. Despite of life being hard and puzzling sometimes, it is a gift that I appreciate.

At the same time, I look at my own life and see how it has turned out to be at this point. I have not lived a long long life yet but I have lived it for 32 years. There were low days when I couldn't pick myself up but God did. There were also good days when I was celebrating and He was there. There were mundane days when I still live and breathe. All these make up the years I have lived and the years I am going to still live, with people I love and also with people I struggle with. I am given grace to do so. There are always good and bad days but the only One constant in God.

In my years, I know there are things in my life that had made me defensive and live a less-fulfilled life. But God came in. Not to say I have gone through a really hard life too because mine is really not too bad, but it is more like areas He wants to restore to make me whole, powerful and free after some different exposures in life. He defended me with His fierce and reckless love that won't relent until I know I am safe to be vulnerable again. It is so much better His way. This is a song that can articulate all of that and my heart when is put to vulnerable mode resonates with the lyrics:

Defender by Stefany Gretzinger:

Verse 1
You go before I know
That You've gone to win my war
You come back with the head of my enemy
You come back and You call it my victory

Verse 2
You go before I know
That You've gone to win my war
Your love becomes my greatest defense
It leads me from the dry wilderness

Pre-Chorus
All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still

Chorus
Hallelujah, you have saved me
So much better Your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

Verse 3
You know before I do
Where my heart can seek to find your truth
Your mercy is the shade I'm living in
You restore my faith and hope again

Bridge
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart

I know I'm definitely a work in progress and God is faithful to complete what He has started in me. I have tasted of His goodness and faithfulness. I know I have come out of some of "tunnels" and seen light at the end while I may still struggle in some. I don't have to start living life until I get it all figured out so I will live in the midst of tension and give thanks, trusting God of His grace and love. By this time next year, I am sure I will be thankful again having known God brought me through some more than this year. He has restored so much things in my life that some I didn't even know of, but they have made me more whole as a person and tapping into fully functioning as who I am called to be.

The thing is God sees us far better than we see ourselves and call each and everyone of us into greatness, not just settling for life or mediocrity. Thank you very much for your birthday wishes, love and presents as well. In return, I want to bless every of us to see ourselves as who God sees us even before we arrive at it. Every small step we take in life shapes us. It is true and real that many of our prayers seem not answered or our desires not met, but perhaps He has something even better in mind. No one, not even ourselves can hinder God from still seeing greatness in us and still loving us.

Thank you for reading my ulog today! Happy birthday to all the September babies! Let the celebration begin! Even if there is no one celebrating with you, know that God celebrates you and you too can celebrate yourself :)

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