How To Rob A Bank
With a title like this, your mind is probably screaming clickbait. I can assure you, however, it's not. In this post I intend to share a potential method that one could use to execute a successful bank robbery. I feel obligated to inform you that this is merely a thought experiment. The only goal here is to get your mind to approach problem solving from new perspectives. Obviously I could never condone the actual theft of intrinsically worthless pieces of paper— especially not from an organization that has forcefully stolen repossessed real, tangible items of value and properties from the people for centuries.
Two wrongs don't make a right, right?
![HarleyQuinn.gif](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmSieazFeY6fxPqs8A17Nmw3cC5zJ1Xfo72abU15at8PSa/HarleyQuinn.gif)
The idea came to me when I was contemplating the perfect bank robbery. I must have been watching a heist movie and attempting to figure out how they were going to do it— because obviously there's no other reason why I would be considering such a thing.
The first challenge I was faced with was how to avoid civilian casualties. This was more difficult than it seemed, as even if I opted to avoid using live weapons, an overzealous copper could inadvertently shoot another while attempting to take me out.
The way I could see it, there was only two options ahead of me. I could either rob the bank at night when no one is around, or devise a way to ensure that no coppers turned up during the heist.
If I was to do it at night, I would then have to figure out a way to disable a security system and break into a vault. That would require at least a few months of studying, as well as expensive resources to practice on.
![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://media1.giphy.com/media/Qqq8b2K5qsg8M/giphy.gif)
Naturally, given my impatience, I went with door number 2; devise a plan to ensure no police presence is at the bank when I am.
This isn't so easy. The infamous button is in immediate reach of all employees at the bank, and negating the possibility of a hero-employee triggering an alarm seemed effectively impossible. I was once again faced with the option of studying for months, learning how to hack electrical systems in a way that would render the alarm redundant...
![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://media1.giphy.com/media/26gR0OkwniY2yjh60/giphy.gif)
Yet again, my impatience made sure I instead thought about the quicker option. There had to be an easier way. A way I could make the prospect of triggering the alarm far more terrifying than even me.
![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://media3.giphy.com/media/a5viI92PAF89q/giphy.gif)
My fucked up mind was quite forthcoming with ideas, but there was one that resonated with me far more than any other. An idea that may or may not have had the best chance of success among the totality of contemplated strategies, but did possess a strong sense of poetry.
The Method
There's nothing more terrifying than the boogieman, and we can find in today's society a modern manifestation of the boogieman in the form of the terror we know as ISIS. The media and governments have already spent copious amounts of time and money injecting fear of ISIS into the general public, in spite of this reportedly accurate statement from California Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu;
"The chances of being struck by lightning TWICE is 1 in 9 million. The chances of being killed by a refugee committing a terrorist act is 1 in 3.6 billion."
They may have put in the effort to create this ubiquitous fear, but they do not have a monopoly on it. So how best could I use this terror to my advantage in regards to the task at hand?
Time for a thought experiment.
Imagine if you will, that you are an employee at a major bank. You can choose your own occupation, and for the sake of this experiment, you may even wish to be an armed security guard. Now picture yourself at work on a hot summers day. The bank is busy and through the tinted window of the bank you can see masses of bodies out on the busy street. Let's even throw some children out there playing to make it more interesting.
Suddenly, a man comes rushing into the bank. He is wearing black, covered from head to toe, with only his eyes visible. Dressed in the exact same manner as the ISIS soldier you seen on BBC News 24 earlier that week, he screams out,
"Freeze, mother bitches!!"
With everyone's eyes now on him, he very quickly pulls back a layer of cloth to reveal what appears to be several sticks of C4 explosive, wired to a switch in the man's right hand.
He quickly, and somewhat angrily, informs everyone in the bank that he is holding a deadman switch. If he takes his finger off the trigger then everyone in the bank, and many in the surrounding streets and buildings, will be dead.
You believe at this point that it is ISIS. The robber/terrorist has stated that all they want is the money, but if they see a single policeman — even after leaving the bank — the bomb will be detonated.
Now envision the faces of all the people in the bank, and those of the kids out front playing, and tell me;
Would you push the button? Would you sound the alarm?
My guess, is that for 99.9% of the population, the answer would be no. Even after the bandit had made his way out with the stolen cash, I imagine it may be a few minutes before the remaining people have finished debating whether or not to call for help.
An armed security guard within the bank may be more inclined to take action. But, with so many lives on the line and a dead man switch in the mix, it seems likely to me that barring a history of expert training in tactical arms situations, any other security guard would simply submit to the will of the robber and lower their gun.
Such a heist could be attempted with very little groundwork. There would be a need for some arts and crafts to create some realistic-looking, but completely benign explosive props. With a convincing vest and a bit of acting skills, as well as the right selection of bank, one might just get away with such a robbery.
That doesn't mean try it. It's naughty, and illegal! ALWAYS OBEY.
![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://media1.giphy.com/media/3o6Ztl8BUEpZRil4OY/giphy.gif)
The Irony
I know that a lot of my followers share in my understanding that the banks are above the governments of this world. That, or they are simply two heads of many on the same monster, chasing the exact same agendas but playing the roles of separate entities in order to hide the true depths of its power. Perhaps that second suggestion is a little crazy, but then again, how many bankers are on the Donald Trump administration now? five? Or was it six now?
The point is, it is the banks who profit most from any and all wars. It is they who helped the governments fund and train radical's so that they could destabalize countries who's leaders were not easily controlled. It was they who have now toppled most of those leaders and privatized their countries' central banks, effectively enslaving entire nations to the toughest master of all-- debt.
It is my belief that Islamic extremism exists, not as an unintended result of the actions of bankers. but as a deliberate, funded effort to radicalize a populous and wreak havoc in the Middle East. Efforts supported, if not purposed, by shady figures among the highest echelons of power in the banking industry.
![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://media1.giphy.com/media/26FmR7p9IzOSWO2f6/giphy.gif)
I find then, a beautiful example of poetic justice. To use a tool created by the banks, to rob a bank, is pretty much like saying "fuck you" at the same time. Any employees or general public who were within the bank during the heist, would be convinced that it was genuinely ISIS who committed the crime. But, the owners, shareholders, and those in the very highest levels of employment at the bank, will undoubtedly know that it was not. Why would their baby bite the breast that fed them, nurtured them, and allowed them to thrive? They wouldn't, and one would be able to enjoy a little smirk, knowing that the fuckers know that.
I'd probably try it out myself, if I didn't have a dog that would need looking after if shit went South. And obviously, if it wasn't illegal. I would never break something as sacred as the law..
![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://media3.giphy.com/media/72ouzZHKYarf2/giphy.gif)
So... That was one way to rob a bank, and to say fuck you to an industry that has kept the people on their knees for centuries. I thank you for allowing me to share my random thoughts with you.
A couple of thoughts for you:
How would you rate this method of bank robbery's chances of success? And what strategy would you use if you were going to do such a thing?
If you could do so without anyone getting hurt, traumatized or even stressed, would you consider robbing a bank to be immoral, or simply illegal?
I hope to hear what you think.
Thanks For Reading!
And remember, I do not condone bank robberies. They printed that money out of thin air themselves, and it ought to be protected and respected. Always respect authority.
*Note: I don't really have GTA V, or any console for that matter. I mean rob a real bank.
*Second Note: That was a joke. Follow the law, it's there to protect you from achieving your full potential.
Get the biggest loan you can from bank, buy crypto, don't repay loan. Hide the crypto. If everyone who had the credit to do this did do this, the whole thing would self-destruct...
Just in theory of course :)
^Me right now...this is genius.
There's another method. But, you don't get to dress up and have a bit fun? Lol.
Sorry... a bank creates the money out of thin air. So, never getting paid back doesn't hurt them.
In fact, with credit cards, they would rather have people not paying principal, instead paying late fees and interest charges. And if they actually default, then the bank gets to BOTH write it off their taxes and sell it to a collection agency.
But, if enough people weren't paying every month, they do suffer a liquidity crisis.
Non-payers are the whole reason banks go under.
If a bank has $1,000,000 in deposits, they can lend out $10,000,000. If the bank does not get any of the $10,000,000 back, they can no longer cover withdrawals if someone were to make one (this is the liquidity crises). As soon as a bank can no longer cover withdrawals they are insolvent.
No different than what happened in the sub-prime crises, only what I just mentioned would happen on purpose. And unlike real estate, the crypto could not be recovered..
As far as the credit card defaults, collection agencies would also start to bankrupt if there is no money to recover.. You can't collect crypto debt... So they would have to stop buying it.
The key is that it would have to be a significant percentage of the public doing this in order for it to succeed...
Hahahahahaha!!!
The really funny thing you haven't mentioned is that "the powers that be" would use your "ISIS robbery" as propaganda to continue funding their bogus "war on terror." You would become a state hero.
A fascinating "thought experiment," thanks for the entertainment...
😄😇😄
![@creatr](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWvzuqZ51DoiSjXXf8bukb7JeeVV1eAJJhGBkDiYc8ajj/creatr_ap.gif)
Shit... I hadn't thought of that bit. Thanks for ruining it for me! Lol.
No problemo... a little ironic humor! :D
I think the easiest way to rob a bank, is to own one 😎
That's the easiest way to rob a world.
True that ..
Brilliant! I see I'm not the only one who watches too many heist movies and has seriously considered pulling off a grand bank robbery. :) Resteemed!
Perhaps @meesterboom can look after your dog? But if it works, then there's no need of him.
He'll be my accomplice! He's works in finance, so could sneak me some insider information.
oh that would be fun, wont it?? the scary scotsmen!
@son-of-satire told me to do it...
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmYCU7ABSebz547VXge5qUtx3dhSRcB6dzvv4A8YhN28Ca/image.png)
Lol. I meant to write in the post that if anyone goes and robs a bank, don't put it on me. You can make your own decisions.. But fuck it.
@clayboyn, go and rob a bank.
And btw, what's your thoughts on this one?
I know you have some wisdom up there, so I'm curious to hear what you have to say on this one.
I would say it's all about your intentions. Personally I wouldn't do it for the money, because I really don't care about money, but if I felt it was a way to help some people and there was no other choice, ya I'd probably do it if there would be a certainty of no negative impact on anyone personally.
I was super excited to check this out, and you did not disappoint! From beginning to the fine print at the end, that was brilliant and entertaining and absolutely feasible. Except of course that the media would sensationalize it as an actual act of terrorism by Isis, lending more fuel to their fire...but no plan is perfect ;)
I would say 99.9999999999999% of people would not push that button. The only individual who might push that button is someone who wished to kill themselves, and that someone would also have to not care about the lives of others. Or perhaps a mentally challenged sadist. Might need a few more 9's, you really covered every angle, from hero to sociopath.
Damn it's good to have you back!
Even if you do enjoy fucking with me Scott lol.
And I will be resteeming this post...a bit later at a prime time to catch some attention :)
I was thinking that, if the performance was convincing enough, the type to press the button would be someone who managed to convince themself that to do so would save more lives in the long run. They would dwell on what the funds might be used for, and boldly decide to sacrifice their life and everyone else's.
Yours sounds more likely though. Lol.
Thank you! It is good to be back also. Truly.
Upvoted - this is awesome! I love the end mark, "Follow the law, it's there to protect you from achieving your full potential," crossed out. HAHA - it really reveals the truth behind our government and their priorities.
Thanks for sharing!!
Wasn't sure who would notice that bit. Glad you liked it!
Definitely some good humor in my day! A well executed plan too! I just followed you - if you follow me back you will notice that I post a lot about fitness, health, mindfulness and education!
:)
So my dad actually worked in a bank for a majority of my childhood and had two different robberies occur at his bank that used a similar method. Both robbers brought what they claimed to be explosive devices and said they would blow them up if they saw the cops...both times the alarm buttons were pressed. However, what you don't take into account is that at most banks the tellers are trained to just give the robber the money, it is insured for the bank, so giving it to the robber doesn't hurt them. In both robberies the robbers got away from the bank, but they didn't account for the ink dyes put in with the money they were given, which burned their skin making them easily identified, nor the fact that there were multiple people watching the outside of the bank to identify the get away car. Both robbers were caught within a day or two. It's not a bad idea, it just doesn't account for too many variables once you leave the bank, or the fact that pushing the alarm button isn't intended to trap the robber, but rather to have the cops on their way to the bank quicker so they can get on the robbers trail sooner.
What if the bank is already in debt?