What does esoteric mean to you, and how has it influenced your life?
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So, I know we are supposed to talk about what it means to us personally, as opposed to dictionary definitions, but I have to tell you, I was shocked by the definition. I consider myself reasonably well educated, and I write for a living. I had no clue that esoteric meant
“intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest"
I sat and read through a whole bunch of sentences on the Cambridge dictionary page. For starters, I had no idea it could apply to any subject. I would have sworn it was specifically about spiritual ideas. Then that whole thing of exclusivity and “the special few!” Just ewwww. It made my skin crawl, and it also made me think of Asheville, NC and why I moved away from there. Excluding people without reason makes my blood boil. Anyone seeking to learn should be permitted to learn. That whole bs around worthiness is dangerous territory and based in our untrue ideas of our own lack and limitations.
So, what did I think it meant? Well, here's Kristin’s definition.
describing anything of, or related to, the woo woo
Now, I say woo woo with the utmost fondness and respect. I love woo woo. It's the stuff that usually resonates with me. In essence I have believed that esoterica is mystical spiritual knowledge that is blooming right now. It's the stuff that maybe only a few could really grasp in the past but must become wider knowledge if we are to survive. It's the mystic teachings that thread their way across tiny groups within all major religions and larger chunks of nature based religions. It's the connection that Rumi, Hafiz, and St Theresa spoke of. It's the stuff that makes this world make sense to me.
While I understand why people kept this stuff quiet and hidden in the past, after all no one wants to burn at the stake, that time is over. This knowledge has to be spread and shared. Not everyone will understand, and that's ok, but we have to get the message out further.
- We are all one
- We are all connected
- We are connected to this planet, and she teaches us how to mother
- The creator has nothing but love for you
- You're perfect as you are
- You're a badass creator
- You're a healer
- You can create anything you want
- There is so much love being directed at you every moment of every day
- A host of beings/entities have your back all the time
- We are powerful beyond measure
- We attract with our beliefs
Feel free to add more in the comments. This was from the top of my head.
So what has it done for me?
I grew up in South Carolina and Indiana. In case you are unaware, these are not hotbeds of mysticism or any other out of the very teeny tiny box ideas. I was an adult before I ever heard any of this. I'm thinking back, and I believe it all began with the Celestine Prophecy. I read it in my junior year of college. I can't think of anything before that, though we certainly had inklings and interesting conversations and ideas in earlier years, many of them courtesy of lsd and psilocybin.
From that point forward, I was wildly thirsty. Something inside me had always known there was more. Having grown up in the baptist church, I became disillusioned by Christianity when I was a teen. Hypocrisy, abuse, being wrong and bad for normal behaviors. Christianity was a terrible disappointment. My young years in Sunday school were all about how much Jesus loved us and how we were supposed to love and care for everyone and always fight for what is right. Then you get older, and they start telling you what they really think. I was more interested in the loving guy.
So, getting into mysticism was a real blessing to me. I started learning about various mystic traditions in Christianity, Buddhism, and a number of indigenous faiths. I learned from Carlos Castaneda and Marianne Williamson and Doreen Virtue, and a host of others. I realized I could see God however I wanted to, but there was little doubt God was loving. Through some programs on peace and social justice, I got involved with a Science of Mind church, which is different than Christian Science and Scientology. It's new thought essentially, and I learned a lot of new ideas about my power to create. I got out of a horrible marriage and found another, more stable partner. I manifested an easy move to a wonderful community that was good for me and my children. I found another science of mind church and dug deeper, learning the history of new thought and a clearer picture on how our thoughts create, as well as a lot about mystical interpretations and some of the truly powerful and intimate teachings of the Christ. It came full circle. I found the sweet and loving Christ of my childhood and fell in love with him again. Did you know the "our father" prayer begins with the word abba, which has been translated to “our father” but it is really more like honey or sweetheart? Isn't that lovely? This is about when I found Abraham Hicks, and they surely changed my life.
This was around the time of What the Bleep? all the way up to the Secret. At a point I became frustrated with the unidirectional nature of it and found a circle I could sit in that was based in native teachings of various tribes. So, I went deep into that, really connecting with my ancestors, my guides, the earth, and myself. Where new thought had really taught me more about how to be in the world (though there is a powerful focus on oneness), native teachings taught me a lot about personal power and connection to the unseen. Then I dug deep into play, and that is another post that is coming soon. Through play I learned of my power to live in joy regardless. I also got a lot more into Abraham at this point and finally got it through my thick skull that feeling good really is everything.
It was at this point that I manifested a move from the United States to Belize, a dream that had been in the making for nearly 20 years. But before I got there, I created powerful friendships, four amazing children, some really fun relationships, a free house, a business, and a load of stuff. I was also homeless for a time, lost some good friends, had some excruciating break ups, had 3 devastating miscarriages, and sold off most of my things only to have to start over again.
- My awareness of my ability to heal myself emotionally and physically
- My understanding that thoughts create things
- My knowledge of the power of play and joy
- My understanding of the reality of an unseverable connection with an all loving God
- My understanding of the power of forgiveness
- My practice in learning to let things go
- My inherent knowledge that the greatest of these is love
These were the things that kept me moving during hard times and awesome times. These were the things that pulled me out of darkness and boosted me up. Knowing you have the power is sometimes exhausting, but it will save your life.
Since I have been in Belize, I have faced probably the biggest challenges of my life. I have lost enormous sums of money. The amazing business we had planned fell through completely. I had no community and a failing marriage. My daughter was assaulted. We were poor beyond what I can really describe. I am now in the middle of divorce number two. I have found a village I love and some wonderful friends, but we've had insane problems lately. Lot of thieving and about a month ago a woman was murdered, and the boys who did it claimed to be coming after all Americans. I couldn't sleep at night for days. Since then I had to make some young girls leave my house because they were giving me grief and stealing. There have been people creeping late at night in the yard. So, just as I was starting to be able to sleep with lights off again, this whole sexual allegations in the US started. I've been confronted with rape and molestation apologists. I've seen people say it's not a big deal. The good part, I guess, is that I am even more glad I did not report for myself and my daughters. I'm currently in some kind of PTSD/anxiety/depression shit storm. It's why I haven't been writing. Even with the hard fork nightmare, I would normally just be piling up posts. It's taken me three days to write this. I just haven't wanted to do anything. I've genuinely been just sitting and scrolling or feeding children or staring at walls or sobbing or singing gospel songs while sobbing. The trauma all over again. I think I will make a separate post on it. The treatment of women in this world is very painful and infuriating right now.
Just today I started to get a hint that there was a new phase coming. I started to feel a shift. I started to see those in power look so uncomfortable. I started to feel myself ready to take my power back. I started to feel the rise of the marginalized. So I thought about The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. I thought about the way he describes us as basically emotional lepers. We are so wounded we can't touch each other. It hurts. The way to heal it is by cleaning our wounds with truth and healing them through love and forgiveness. Easier said than done, but probably worth it.
Those crazy fucks in the US gov’t are terrified. They feel it coming. They feel the ground shaking underneath. They feel women uniting with the poor, black lives matter, indigenous communities, and immigrants. It's coming, and I hope it will be peaceful. Time will tell.
In any case, the things I know about God, my soul, and the nature of the universe have sometimes made things harder. It's hard to see the shit show and know it isn't normal and that it doesn't have to be that way but basically no one even knows what the fuck you're talking about. But it saved me. Knowing I can create something else, having the fine tuning to sense the rumbles of a revolution growing stronger, and knowing I am loved and guided every step of every day has kept me going. I've been through the ringer, but here I am, and great things are just getting ready to bloom. Esoterica has been my sanity preserver through the darkness. It has helped me to let go, to go within, to create, and to grow and blossom.
Much love, y’all!
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