What is the best way to move forward when faced with Dissension within your Community (TSU Biweekly Question)

in tribesteemup •  2 months ago

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I know what it is like to be on the fringes in groups, in social circles and it is down to lack of communication (on my part too) to say what I need, or whether that community is right for me and shares similar values.

I have major problems with many social circles in real life as I’m not so good with small talk. The playground talk is something I want no part of for the most part, as well it tends to be a gossip mill and I will walk away from that and have done.

I have found some good friends and people through going to self-improvement and craft groups and will continue to do that in the future too. I regularly go out with some friends that I have known for a couple of years, as it takes a little while to trust anyone.

But my little real-life community is me and my girls.

And the choice to protect my little community from an atmosphere of continuous arguments and resentment hanging heavy in the air, so that community went from four to three.

That being said, I love the communities that I am in here on discord, as they inspire and motivate me to live a better life, be a better person, consider the environment and help people along their path too, where I can.

I try to be realistic these days and not overstretch so that me and kids live on baked beans (but at least its something, as they never go without).

I have joined different communities for different reasons, over my Steemit journey. At the moment my “tribes” (in alphabetical order) are @Easydex, @ecotrain, @mancave (as a supporter of the cause), @SMG and @tribesteemup.

I also believe passionately in giving people a chance and being a listening ear, so even if I don’t agree with them in their entirety, I will take the time, to find where they are coming from and why they think the way they do.

And although their opinions (or perceived truths) might not be popular, I don’t give up at the first hurdle, or cast judgments because a lifetime of judgments can make you defensive, or a hermit.

I also try to pass that message to my children too somewhat, that its okay to be unique and have your own thoughts and opinions, at the same time though, be respectful and don’t tread on anyone on your way up, instead grab their hand and help them up too.

So the way to move forward when faced with dissension within your Community is to put judgments aside, approach with an open mind and try to walk in their shoes for a little in your head.

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You won’t know what it is like completely obviously, but calling someone stupid, or classing what they say as rubbish, before picturing where they have walked, or what they have been through, I do not think is a good approach.

Of course, similar experiences can lead to different outcomes as we are all different, this makes our stories unique.

Freedom means something different to us all. One man’s freedom is another man’s worse nightmare.

When it comes down to it, you can’t change someone or their mind, just place links, literature or ideas that they may or may not consider in front of them - its the old adage of you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

Or in my kid's case you can’t dress up tomatoes in any way, even make it into a beautiful caterpillar and they still won’t like the, even though they are my favourite snack and they see me eating them all the time. One day, one day...

If you want people to see ‘a better way’ then the only way is to live it and let people make up their own minds.

Be the change you want to see and sometimes that means remaining respectful when you are being attacked.

Sometimes, if you are backed into a corner, then the human instinct is to fight back, it’s a natural response.

This can be done physically, verbally, or in an underhand ‘cloaked’ way, let’s not sugar-coat it. To some extent, unless we are very controlled ‘monks’ it is something we are all guilty of.

Sometimes it is best to walk away - okay in all likelihood, if its something you disagree with, say something once with respect, but do not keep pushing the point.

I hate that when my kids repeat over and over. You only need to say things once.

Maybe on another day, you can say it in a different way, but saying the same thing over and over in one sitting is overkill and will irritate, not placate.

So, yes my way to deal with dissension would be to try and imagine walking in their shoes. It’s not a perfect art, but it makes you think of how your words and actions affect people.

I don’t know your life or you mine, but I try to be transparent as I can, help when no-one else will and not judge.

Yes, it gets me in trouble sometimes. I am a great believer in fate and the people and opportunities it puts in my path and I let my intuition (yes and heart sometimes) guide, rather than my head.

But if people could lay off with the judgments and try to approach with an open mind, the world would be a more respectful and better place.

With <3 @hopehuggs

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I totally get your perspective and it seems we are alike in a lot of ways. Dissension is never an easy thing to plow through. There have been people in my life (people who are supposed to be close) who love nothing better than creating arguments. I don't like being in the company of other people's misery - I have my own BS to deal with.

Live and let live
I was unfriended by a real life "friend" on social media because she didn't like that refused to censor dialogue on a particularly volatile subject.

My willingness to keep an open mind and see both sides of a debate on my own page apparently offended her. I didn't take her side (but I wasn't against her opinion either). The sad part is that I've known her since high school and she just went bonkers. LOL At first I was shocked. Then I thought good riddance. In the end, it was probably a blessing that she removed herself from my life. That brings me to something my father used to say.

"Start everyone at 100% and let them whittle themselves out of your life." I don't stress out about those losses and I'm much better for it.
Dear @hopehuggs - I hope you stay this beautiful always.

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